How many of your male partners have actually been any good in bed? been

[1980sfookup]

Just on the back of something I read on another thread, looking back over my "career" I'm late 50s now but have had three serious relationships including one marriage. Have had eight other sexual partners between (my) ages of 15 to 54 (not had sex for four years - single now) but thinking back can't think of any one of these guys that were outstanding in bed. Have I just missed out and there are some real super stars out there or is it just the way it is? Saying that tho I had a brief fling with someone who was very eager to please but I didn't really fancy him - he was a rebound/revenge fuck which days more about me than him sadly. Anyway - can anyone attest that there are men out there that still prioritise a woman's enjoyment in the bedroom ... Or wherever

I’m in double digits in terms of numbers and have been quite lucky, only 2 of them were crap and one very mediocre, maybe due to lack of experience, possibly porn addiction and definitely just incompatibility.

1 of the really rubbish ones was a ONS and it was so bad that it was almost funny. He took a break from the action to fold his clothes neatly, tried to push me to do something I really didn’t fancy doing (the cheek!) and lasted approximately 1 minute. Then proceeded to perform so weird rubbing/pinching “to finish me off”. No mate, I’m not wired like that.

I agree that some men are just incompatible with some women but I don’t think that’s all there is to it. Some people are just selfish, focussed on themselves only and that translates into how they treat their sex partners too.

Out of the 40ish men I’ve slept with, I’ve had really enjoyable sex with 2. Luckily for me this includes the guy I’m currently seeing, who is truly phenomenal in bed. I’ve gone into a post-sex trancelike state it’s been that good, and I’ve never experienced that state of mind before.

I’ve only slept with DH so I have nothing to compare him to, but based off how he makes me feel he’s incredible. I do feel lucky that I haven’t had any bad experiences though.

In my teens and twenties, sex was pretty mediocre because partners were inexperienced and I didn't know what I really liked.

20 year relationship with DH was very average. He was my best friend but I never fancied him.

Since divorce I've had some amazing sex. Current DP is the best sex I've ever had but there have been a couple of other guys who've been fantastic.

That said, I'm hanging around in a lovely kink community where a lot of guys understand that the headspace is just as important as the physical stimulation. And I've learned what I like and how to articulate it.

Im loving the post divorce better sex
that’s been my experience too

I’m like what was I DOING in my 20s !?

some good yes thankfully

but the wasted sex
the waste

It all boils down to chemistry and connection. If you don’t have that then it’s rubbish. I’ve slept with 16 men and only three have been any good.

I married fairly young and was faithful, so after the marriage ended I was quite keen to discover what I might have been missing. I'd always thought of my exh as being more experienced than me, but have since realised that - duh - we were both young and inexperienced.

Deliberately chose a man who'd had quite a lot of partners, some of whom were clearly quite outspoken about what they liked and disliked, and he's attentive and generous in bed. Has a few tricks up his sleeve. I've still not had many partners but I can't complain to be honest. My exh was crap at foreplay but was well built and had one sure-fire technique :D. Another guy was not at all well endowed, but really good at getting me in the mood just by creating the right atmosphere. You pick things up as you go along, right?

I've had an awful lot of sexual partners and while I'd like to be able to say there's no such thing as "bad in bed", just mis-communication, I'm sorry but there are people who are objectively bad. Not knowing what to do is one thing, but when I say "Please do this" and they don't, or I say "Don't do that" and they continue, then they are bad at sex, and likely to remain so.

As I've got older I've become a lot better at knowing my own body and asking for what I want, which helps.

I have had one long term partner who was good at both oral and penetration. (Out of 5 LTRs.)

I have 2 current FWBs who are very good at oral but can't manage penetration at all due to medical issues. No problem and I don't miss it. Both very good at taking direction and - crucially - they remember what I like so I don't have to remind them every time we meet.

Some people of either sex are selfish in bed. Some are exceptionally passive or inhibited.

Some couples just aren't compatible with each other.

Aside from that I think it's not really a matter of one partner (the man) "being good," there's no reason the onus should be on him alone. Sex isn't something that men "do" to women, it's an interaction between two people, both of whom presumably want to give and be given pleasure.

Finding a partnership in which you can feel safety, happiness, affection, and have good communication and compatibility with each other is key. Not necessarily focusing on finding a man who is "good in bed.'

Having posted here before and now read the new posts. I am pleased that more women are sleeping with more men.

I'm well over the age of 50.
I find that (being very honest) men of slim to mid-build, no facial hair, and clean and tidy/polite is what I always get but they must be well hung and this is ensured via sites like FS and DH chooses. What makes it a lot better/easier and more thrilling is that DH wont mind he enjoys it and when he is not there, size/length and girth matter, as well as staying power and anything less than 15 mins, is not great, ie top speed-ish.

NB: DH often says he wishes he was a woman because he could fuck much younger ladies as he is 60. I understand him. However, I wish I was a man because I seriously miss the ejaculation that men have and seeing the result of our handiwork.

We are all different, but as a woman, size does matter along with what I said ealier. I can guide the not-so-experienced. I do fear a condom splitting and I do dream about having sex with other men and no condom as the feeling is totally different but I won't as its not safe.

DH trusts me but I do feel a bit of a cheat if I was TBH EG, not openly declaring the fantastic orgasams I've had ith some of the others. But IMO he wants me to do this and I go along with it and I have never asked first for a meet but at times do think about some of the fitter guys when I'm having a shower.

Women are still stigmatised by some hypocrites for having more than one man for sex but I'm glad that women are doing what they want to. Why should men have all the fun!

Only one. Orgasms happened every time as he knew how a woman’s body worked and didn’t just slam away at me. All of the others have been clueless or just plain selfish.
Porn definitely is to blame for a lot of men I think. They get unrealistic expectations of what women enjoy.

My husband. I've had over 20 partners. Some were great, only my husband is consistently brilliant and exciting.

My husband sneaked a look at what I was commenting, I didn't know he was there. He just beamed at me and skipped back to the kitchen (he is making me some food). Ah I got a keeper for sure

I’m sure it suits men very well to believe that some women are just crap at “communicating their needs”

Quite a bit of crap sex in short term dating, im quite determined where good sex is concerned though so all my LTRs (4) have been good in that dept. I have whats known as a hooded clitoris (tmi! Sorry) So it takes interest and some effort for me to have pleasure...anyone who wasn't interested in that it didn't progress with

I've had an awful lot of sexual partners and while I'd like to be able to say there's no such thing as "bad in bed", just mis-communication, I'm sorry but there are people who are objectively bad. Not knowing what to do is one thing, but when I say "Please do this" and they don't, or I say "Don't do that" and they continue, then they are bad at sex, and likely to remain so

I so agree with this. Its not simply about- oh just communicate your needs and then he'll be amazing in bed. It doesnt always work like that. Ive had situations where I couldnt have been clearer about my wants and the effort just isnt there, or, they do it once and then never again, basically not really truly listening probably due to selfishness/focus on their own pleasure etc. Its not solely about communication, it also involves a willingness on his part to care enough to actively listen and actually take that on board.

Early 40s here (I think). Very good connection with a boyfriend when I was 21; a guy that I had absolutely nothing in common with in my late twenties; then a couple of guys I absolutely didn’t fancy at first. So, v v good sex, where it all just clicked, about 4. The rest were fine. I hope I was ok and am remembered fondly!

I honestly believe that beyond a base level (knowing what and where a clitoris is, no ED/PE, not totally ignoring foreplay/mood setting, ability to take feedback and guidance without sulking) there's no such thing as 'good in bed', only compatibility

Out of 20 , one. Amount of cluelessness is shocking , even in men way older than me .

Two, and there's been a fair amount

Out of interest are women just assumed to be good in bed?

In my experience few women are good at communicating on this and the ones that are seem to enjoy it a lot more.

It’s quite sad that many women are probably missing out on amazing sex. A lot of women have only had one/two sexual partners and may have never experienced great sex.

I don’t think it’s just about connection, it’s about men being considerate, not being so selfish and knowing how to pleasure a women. Obviously being able to talk openly to each other about what turns you on is pretty essential too.

I am not sure how many partners I have had. Like a couple others on here I was married young and until I left dh (when I was 32) I thought sex wa so retry rubbish and thought it must have been a issue with me as dh was older and more experienced. I kind of went a bit OTT after getting divorced and slept with a lot of people over the space of 9 years. Most of them were selfish or had issues probably caused by watching too much porn or just due to age. The one guy I really connected with and had amazing sex with wasn’t someone I would usually date, not my type at all and wasn’t British (not sure that matters but maybe foreign men are more clued up and less selfish), I haven’t really had sex like it since and probably never will.

Most have been average. The best sexual partner I ever had was female. There was a very deep connection between us over many years before we had a sexual relationship though, I think that played a part. DH and I have a very different connection, not less, just different. He is good in bed and always makes sure I get my orgasm, but it's just short of the mark comparatively.

@Talon01 Think it's more the fact that the female orgasm is less straightforward than the male.

Communication as a pp said is only useful if the other person is actually listening. At least 2 men I slept with literally ignored what I said about what was working and what wasn't

What if most of the men referred to as “bad in bed” on this thread actually do fall into the not knowing anything at base level category? I wouldn’t be surprised.