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Original poster

How many of your male partners have actually been any good in bed? been

167 replies

1980sfookup · 29/12/2022 21:06

Just on the back of something I read on another thread, looking back over my "career" I'm late 50s now but have had three serious relationships including one marriage. Have had eight other sexual partners between (my) ages of 15 to 54 (not had sex for four years - single now) but thinking back can't think of any one of these guys that were outstanding in bed. Have I just missed out and there are some real super stars out there or is it just the way it is? Saying that tho I had a brief fling with someone who was very eager to please but I didn't really fancy him - he was a rebound/revenge fuck which days more about me than him sadly. Anyway - can anyone attest that there are men out there that still prioritise a woman's enjoyment in the bedroom ... Or wherever

OP posts:
LolaMoon · 30/12/2022 06:33

Very very few. Most of them (even experienced ones) had to be guided regarding female pleasure. Whilst I agree that women shouldn’t be passive during sex, it gets tiring and boring saying the same thing over and over again. Sex shouldn’t feel like you are a teacher demonstrating how to solve a bloody maths problem. That’s not sexy at all. Truly good sex involves them actually listening to what you are saying and not having to be reminded afterwards. It’s not that difficult to remember that information and then get creative with it.

ShandaLear · 30/12/2022 06:47

IntentionalError · 29/12/2022 22:18

I’m a firm believer that for every man who is crap, clueless & selfish in bed there is a woman who is passive, inhibited & unwilling to ask for what she wants. Good sex is a team game which requires honesty, openness, generosity & communication from both partners, and men are not mind readers.

True, although there will always be a proportion of men who, in spite of clear and unequivocal guidance and feedback (and on occasion, an actual demonstration), prefer to go straight to pudding instead of savouring the main course first.

Rockingchai · 30/12/2022 06:52

Really interesting thread.

I’ve slept with 30 odd men. I’m 48. I’ve had some amazing sex with 3 of them, all
in relationships, and lots of really good sex with others. I agree that you can’t pin it all on the men - I’ve always felt that I am good in bed - never afraid to do or ask for what I want.

The worst sex was my longest relationship, 16 years, only ended two years ago. The sex started off ok, tailed off after 2 years, and was non-existent for the last 6-7. I made a conscious choice to sacrifice sex as there were so many other positives on the relationship. It ended due to his drinking problem. I thought sex was over for me for life, a barely-remembered part of my youth.

A year ago I accidentally met a new man and I think the sex may actually be the best of my life - a whole new lease of life for me, completely unexpected and I am never giving up sex again, if I can help it. I feel like a have found myself after a very long absence.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 30/12/2022 06:59

This thread is interesting

I think the common theme is the ones that get off from YOU getting off and like seeing you turned on tend to be the best

  • chemistry which is mysterious

that said I’ve stayed in a relationship that’s not optimal in other ways because the sex is good

HaggisWurst · 30/12/2022 07:04

I'm 33, had 3 relationships and 1 one night stand. The one night stand was awful as to be expected. My first relationship I was 19-21, and he was utterly dreadful and extremely selfish in bed. I got with someone else at 21 when I broke with my bf and we were together only 4 months...our sexual chemistry was off the chart and sex was great. We broke up and 2 months later, I met my now DH. We've together 12 years and we definitely click as well, obviously over 12 years we've had some dry patches but communication has helped us through it.

Sausagedognamedmash · 30/12/2022 07:06

I was absolutely spoilt with my first sexual encounter. He was incredible in bed and we were together for 4 years. He was all about the foreplay and would actively seek my pleasure before his own.

After him there was a succession of frankly disappointing encounters. Orgasms were hard to come by as none of them seemed to understand that penetration alone was not going to get me there.

Then I met DH and I was back to someone who truly understood the role of foreplay and connection. We've been together over 10 years and yes there are times when it's a bit meh but overall it is great. We are also still learning and trying new things and I think that is the key for me. A focus on female pleasure, a willingness to communicate and a connection beyond base level attraction.

warofthemonstertrucks · 30/12/2022 07:07
  1. Fortunately for me, dh.
BiasedBinding · 30/12/2022 07:09

IntentionalError · 29/12/2022 22:18

I’m a firm believer that for every man who is crap, clueless & selfish in bed there is a woman who is passive, inhibited & unwilling to ask for what she wants. Good sex is a team game which requires honesty, openness, generosity & communication from both partners, and men are not mind readers.

Nah, if that were true then none of the women who have said they have had crap sex would ever have had good sex either, and this thread suggests that’s not the case

iloveeverykindofcat · 30/12/2022 07:15

I used to think they were all good but current fwb blows them all out of the water. My eyes have been opened.

gogohmm · 30/12/2022 07:22

When you get a bit rubbish, dp however is very considerate, and no complaints Grin

Roselilly36 · 30/12/2022 07:27

Only 1, I married him 😂

OakTreex · 30/12/2022 07:29

None of them really. My first boyfriend was very well endowed which helped make it fairly good.

No one I'd write home about. An occasional orgasm (and I mean occasional) but most of the time I'd have to do it myself with the lot of them.

I'm now single and have young DC, don't feel like I'll have sex again tbh! I'm only early 30s but no idea how on earth I'd ever meet a man with my life as busy as it is and the kids!

Whatdayisitalexa · 30/12/2022 07:44

3%

Justellingthetruth · 30/12/2022 08:08

@1980sfookup

its a very interesting question. I have a very beautiful friend but she lacks confidence (god know why) and she always has bad relationships - so I agree with the it's takes too to keep fresh and amazing angle. She finds it hard to give hence her problem.

I have slept with 47 men.

the ones that get turned on by giving pleasure are the best lovers.

having said that I always try new things if suggested versus saying no first. Providing its legal! Often people won't.

single at moment and who love to find a great new lover for some amazing sex!

Paperdolly · 30/12/2022 08:11

RagingWoke · 29/12/2022 22:00

I've had more good than bad luckily. Teens wasnt a great time, lots of awkward fumbling and then one who can be best described as 'like a thirsty cat' 🙄

That “…like a thirsty cat “ made I laff. 🤣😂🤣

daisyjgrey · 30/12/2022 08:16

About 10%.

Mashedpotatoesandgravy · 30/12/2022 08:18

Out of 30ish men, only three were not appallingly selfish in bed and only my DH has been amazing, and still is in his late sixties.

themanwho · 30/12/2022 08:23

It’sa 2 way thing though isn’t it. It’s about you being compatible with a partner not just the guy performing for you. Sex is a team game. I’ve had sex with women which was pretty forgettable or even awkward. And I’m sure they felt the same. It’s finding someone you click with. Sometime you can get that on your first night, but usually it develops as the relationship develops..

there have been a few women who have been incredible

BertieBotts · 30/12/2022 08:26

2/6 for me - possibly 3/7 (I didn't actually sleep with the one I'm counting as "7" but we got very close and I think it would have been good).

Colourinsidethelines · 30/12/2022 08:32

Out of 10. 1 technically extremely good but no real connection and it was more he was naturally good rather than making an effort to please me if that makes sense. 2 were pretty selfish and sorted themselves out. The rest were good in different ways, chemistry or enjoying my pleasure. With DH whilst some aspects of sex have become a bit routine he enjoys making me orgasm and always makes sure I do first. It is definitely a team sport though isn’t it and you can’t expect to get what you want without asking sometimes. I’ve got much better as I’ve got older at saying what I want and therefore sex is better.

Bumpsadaisie · 30/12/2022 08:36

Hmm ...

It's not just down to the man is it?

I had some brief sexual relationships where I didn't orgasm but I was so excited and fancies the guy - that it was good sex and I enjoyed it.

To have the kind of deeply connected sex where you both come at or near the same time and your mind is blown - takes being in a relationship for me and depends not only on the man but also me and my state of mind.

Been with DH 20 years - he is very skilful as he has had time to learn! But even then it depends what mood I'm in.

Sometimes we have incredible sex. Most often we have good sex that's satisfying. Sometimes we have sex where the fire didn't light and it isn't anything to write home about but it was good to do, made us closer and we can laugh about it.

And occasionally we have sex where we give up as it's just not happening and frankly we'd prefer a nice cup of tea.

itwasboundtohappen · 30/12/2022 08:52

thinking more about after my previous post.

maybe it also depends on how easy you come? I can always come if I'm on top, I can come in missionary but takes more skill (many positions can be used but for the finale I need to be in one of those 2 positions)

looking back, practically all my ONS I got myself on top and came, the less drunk ones I remember often holding off my orgasm and asking them what they liked.

I have read that I'm in a minority of women that can come due to penetrative sex.

So maybe some of my good sex guys for me would actually be shit for others.

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 30/12/2022 09:16

Agree that it’s very personal and subjective what constitutes good sex. With my XP I used to enjoy when his teeth accidentally clashed with mine while kissing, it really turned me on. Almost the worse the kiss was, the more turned on I was by it.

And also we did some …erm… interesting things in the bedroom, mainly instigated by me, that I’m really hoping he suggests to any future partners as a failsafe way to make them orgasm, as I’m not sure it will work for anyone else 😆

theworldhas · 30/12/2022 09:18

It’s a pretty demeaning teenage magazine way to discuss it.

Someone being “bad” in bed basically just means you weren’t compatible, or perhaps you might have been compatible if you’d both communicated better. Men are often just as uncomfortable with their bodies/appearance as women are, and that is before you add in performance anxiety (see this thread) or the fact that one/both may have been too tired/drunk. And that’s before we even consider that what is a turn on for one person will be a turn off for someone else.

“How many partners did you have mutually enjoyable sex with?” would be a more sensible way to phrase it.

BrewandBiscuit · 30/12/2022 09:22

Only one FWB guy was incredible in bed. My current partner is very attentive and always pleased me. Most before that we’re average to awful