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Original poster

How many of your male partners have actually been any good in bed? been

167 replies

1980sfookup · 29/12/2022 21:06

Just on the back of something I read on another thread, looking back over my "career" I'm late 50s now but have had three serious relationships including one marriage. Have had eight other sexual partners between (my) ages of 15 to 54 (not had sex for four years - single now) but thinking back can't think of any one of these guys that were outstanding in bed. Have I just missed out and there are some real super stars out there or is it just the way it is? Saying that tho I had a brief fling with someone who was very eager to please but I didn't really fancy him - he was a rebound/revenge fuck which days more about me than him sadly. Anyway - can anyone attest that there are men out there that still prioritise a woman's enjoyment in the bedroom ... Or wherever

OP posts:
Frith2013 · 29/12/2022 23:55

1 pretty good, several mediocre and just 1 who was so truly appalling I started to wonder if I had some form of nerve damage.

And 1 absolutely stunningly amazing. Strangely, the first man I ever slept with. Everyone since has been slightly (or very) disappointing.

Facecream · 30/12/2022 00:00

This is oddly making me sad!
probably a reflection of the state of my marriage.
DH was the only one that I was in love with that worked. It wasn’t very novel but it was passionate.
Its now a fucking chore.
Out of the about 15 before him most were absolutely shit (I should add I’m not a fan of oral sex - as a recipient but NONE of them ever tried) and only one was a good shag. I guess, as he put it, “a good fit”.
I’m off now to weep

TheCurseOfBoris · 30/12/2022 00:01

I've had a few too. Only a handful met the mark. Size does matter with me. Honestly, it doesn't matter how enthusiastic they are or how lovely, if they fail to please, it's a no from me.

Puffalicious · 30/12/2022 00:02

I can't sit and count, but there's been a fair few let's just say (I'm 51). I'd say that 25% were pretty awful, 50% were okay, 10% were good and 5% outstanding. My DP now- last 12 years- is by far the best: we have amazing chemistry (even with 3 kids and the stress of an ASN child) and he really, really knows what makes me tick.

paintitallover · 30/12/2022 00:02

I think we're responsible for our own pleasure as much as the man.

RewildingAmbridge · 30/12/2022 00:05

ONSs most were decent, relationships all good, mostly very good, barring one who had some PE issues.
I do think it's a bit reap what you sow though. I have a friend who complains about a succession of partners being boring in bed, but point blank will not discuss her preferences with a partner, there's also an awful lot of what seems to be very standard sexual activity that she thinks is outrageous or disgusting. With that mindset, I don't think it's right to put all the blame on a partner if her sex life isn't satisfactory.

TheCurseOfBoris · 30/12/2022 00:06

The thing is = you go by their looks and personality but you can't judge the sexual chemistry or fit, until you try. That's why I think a lot of people get into relationships that are unsatisfying. You justify staying as other aspects of the relationship are good. But, further down the line, it's going to hit you.

Endofmytetherfinally · 30/12/2022 00:07

Slept with 10 over a 15 year period and 2 were great. 1 genuinely exceptional and stayed with him 7 months. Think about it often.

Diverze · 30/12/2022 00:12

Been with dh 33 years.
Slept with 2 other guys, neither as good as dh.
We are so attuned to each other now, and he is a generous lover. We almost always have simultaneous orgasms from piv - used to be 95 percent of the time, now I am post menopause maybe 80 percent of the time.

SouperNoodle · 30/12/2022 00:26

I've found that the best sex I've had was with guys I was really into.
My number is 17 and I think there've been 3/4 (including DH)

(Fuck the daily mail)

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 30/12/2022 00:28

I wouldn’t tolerate mediocre sex tbh .

XP told me he used to be crap in bed with his ex as he was too selfish to prioritise her pleasure Confused I did day at the time, that’s on her for accepting that! She did cheat on him though, can’t blame her.

With me he’d spend up to an hour making sure I was fully satisfied, multiple orgasms every time, before he’d finish. Sometimes it was clearly an ego thing for him, he wanted to be “heroic” in bed as much as he wanted me to enjoy it.

Was with him for 9 years partly because I worried I’d never feel that way again. First guy I slept with after 6 months of singledom was amazing!! Barely knew him so no emotional connection at all, had sex the 2nd & 3rd time we met. Also multiple orgasms etc so I’m thinking maybe it’s just me Grin

XH before that was very good in the early days, although left me to finish it myself too often later on.

Other long term BFs and flings were all good, but only one stands out as amazing, a Spanish bus driver I shagged twice while working abroad. He was quite a bit older and knew his way around.

Plenty of ONSs that I was too drunk to notice or remember if they were any good tbh. But nobody who was actively crap or focussed solely on themselves would have made it past once.

Skipsaway · 30/12/2022 00:32

I've had 3 partners who have been either very good or amazing. Ex H was not great and relied on toys to pleasure me which was dull. He was not enthusiastic and I guess no surprise he's an ex!

StarCourt · 30/12/2022 00:45

An ex i met in my late 20's, we were together 9 years and sexually we were so adventurous and amazing together, an ex i met in my late 40's we were together 2.5 years, he was so into making sure i had a great time. My current man is a FWB, he wasnt massively experienced when we met but learns really quickly and sexually we have an intense connection. Im mid 50's and slept with a lot of men, those 3 are the standouts.

category12 · 30/12/2022 00:52

I don't really believe in people being objectively good or bad in bed. Obviously there's technique and enthusiasm but I think it can be really good with someone because you're just compatible and kind of fit together well. They or I might be an anticlimax to another person.

The sex is very good with my current partner.

I wouldn't keep shagging someone if I didn't get off regularly.

ButterflyOil · 30/12/2022 01:07

Really great, i’d say 10. So amazing it’s like they promise in the movies / I could die happy right now sex? Three. I’m very lucky!!!

To be fair I had a lot of shit sex in my twenties though. Grim times.

Opentooffers · 30/12/2022 01:09

'Some guys are better that others' ( sung to a Smiths tune lol).
To be more accurate, some guys are better in certain areas than others, whether that's kissing, touching etc. If you find an all-rounder, it's golden. Experienced a few good allrounders and one out of this world - won't be topped ever I'm sure- guy. I'm glad I had the experience of him, still on friendly terms, but I wouldn't want to date him again and don't even fancy him now.

ArcticSkewer · 30/12/2022 01:14

One who is so good that it's now really difficult to have sex with other people without thinking 'oh, I wish ....', even if they are also good.

Weekenders · 30/12/2022 01:33

The average person isn't great in bed, and half of them are even worse.

Twobigsapphires · 30/12/2022 01:45

I’ve had sex with 7 men. Exh and my now Dh have been the only two who were any good. At least I married the good ones.
as other posters have said, you need a good emotional connection, to feel safe and have a man who gets his kicks out of making you orgasm to get it right.

Hollaatme3022 · 30/12/2022 02:06

The problem also lies with us, as women.

How many times have we faked the O just to please a man? This then gives men the false message that they were wonderful in bed and that nothing needs to change.

How many women go into a relationship, already knowing that the sex is shit, for their own gain?

I remember telling a friend about faking orgasms (years ago). Friend was horrified I did this and couldn't understand why I would mislead a man. She went nuts!

She said that she would not entertain a man twice, if the sex wax shit. I thought she was shallow. Turns out I was the shallow one..

Stay true to yourself. And if sex isn't a high priority in your relationship, you're fucking the wrong person x

ArcticSkewer · 30/12/2022 02:39

I don't fake. Some men are still better than others. Some are just very in tune with other people and change their technique accordingly.
Of course, chemistry helps a lot as well and can overcome average techniques

ShippingNews · 30/12/2022 02:43

I've had many men, and have had two husbands. Thinking back I'd say two of them were outstanding . One was my ex, who had many faults but sexually he was an incredible athlete, as well as being very tuned in to what I liked as well. The other was a guy I met on holiday years ago - we spent many days and nights having the most wonderful sex. We went our separate ways and I never saw him again , but the memory keeps me warm at night sometimes !

scoobydoo1971 · 30/12/2022 03:05

At 51, there have been 17 lovers or so. Only one worth keeping for his bedroom skills. I am with him now. It is not that he is superman, or supersized. Just sweet and not approaching the bedroom like a 2 minute burst of a pneumatic drill. I think women get disinhibited with age (I have been made bold by middle age anyway), and are more likely to call out men who don't give them anything good in the sack.

CinnamonSodaPop · 30/12/2022 05:40

Most men seem to be aware that a woman should orgasm and seem to loosely care about it, as long as achieving that doesn't involve anything much except penetration. The best lover I have had was absolutely turned on by turning on the woman and that was one guy out of about 20. I had one idiot try to say 'it isnt easy for you to orgasm' when he had done nothing whatsoever to get the job done and seemed to actively avoid doing the things I asked him to! I even tried to train a virgin- told him a woman must also have pleasure, taught him how to do it, but still he quickly lapsed into 'no foreplay penetration only' in the common way. Very disappointing performance for the men!

Aussiegirl123456 · 30/12/2022 06:17

CinnamonSodaPop · 30/12/2022 05:40

Most men seem to be aware that a woman should orgasm and seem to loosely care about it, as long as achieving that doesn't involve anything much except penetration. The best lover I have had was absolutely turned on by turning on the woman and that was one guy out of about 20. I had one idiot try to say 'it isnt easy for you to orgasm' when he had done nothing whatsoever to get the job done and seemed to actively avoid doing the things I asked him to! I even tried to train a virgin- told him a woman must also have pleasure, taught him how to do it, but still he quickly lapsed into 'no foreplay penetration only' in the common way. Very disappointing performance for the men!

Yeah, but then these men claim that they’re substandard because women don’t let them know what they like 🙄

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