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Original poster

Dcs dad wants to "camp" on my drive for 3 weeks in Jan 🤯

295 replies

Haveagentlechristmas · 28/12/2022 14:23

The ex has just decided to hit the early retirement button (he's 57). I do suspect one of the motivations is to stop paying child support (which he was only paying a fraction of anyway).

5 years ago I moved 70 miles away so I could start a new life away from him and his weird ways, just me and the kids. We have our own routine going.

It's been hard but worth it. Though I don't have much help in the new place (relevant).

Ex has unilaterally decided that he plans to "camp in his campervan" in January to "help" with the children and to see more of them. I'm not up for this. Though I would like more help, I will find this irritating I think. I'm not sure the neighbours will want him there peeing in the bushes in the morning!

I would like to have some kind of shared care agreement, but not this!

What the fuck can I tell him!

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 09/01/2023 12:14

I still say he's either lost his house or sold it. Or he's renting it out to facilitate his getting sacked 'early retirement'. I don't think he has a house to return to.

It doesn't make sense that a formerly deadbeat dad would suddenly want to be 'father of the year' living in a camper van on his ex's driveway. No, there's more to this than meets the eye.

SheilaFentiman · 09/01/2023 12:16

OP, is he on your driveway or in the private car park you mentioned?

JoyPeaceHealth · 09/01/2023 12:17

3 weeks is specific. could he have air b&b'd his house for 3 weeks?
Although he doesn't sound the type to have a house tidy enough for that to be a possibility?

bumpytrumpy · 09/01/2023 12:32

Which kids were still awake at 10pm when you were trying to lock up? Presumably teens, therefore old enough to understand what's going on! So why do you need "help" with school run ?

SheilaFentiman · 09/01/2023 12:36

OP said that he flounced upstairs, he may well have woken them.

Also… school run may require being driven, teens can’t drive.

SheilaFentiman · 09/01/2023 12:39

Plus, OP said he had just arrived to drop off the DC - presumably a post Xmas or weekend visit with school starting today.

my 12 year old goes to bed between 9 and 9.30, scouts (from age 11) finishes at 9pm so it’s not unreasonable preteens would be awake at 9.40pn

Brefugee · 09/01/2023 12:42

This reply has been deleted

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SheilaFentiman · 09/01/2023 12:49

FFS!

The ex turned up yesterday evening , bringing the kids back. He did leave, albeit grumpily, when OP asked him to. So the police would do precisely what about that?

It’s not clear if he’s on her drive or in the cul de sac car park.

OP has probably dropped her kids at school and gone to work. And she’ll come back to a bunch of insults because she hasn’t called the police on him… for what offence, who knows, as a PP has noted that land trespass is not criminal in itself.

SheilaFentiman · 09/01/2023 12:50

Once upon a time, the Relationships board did not piss on women being badly treated by their exes.

Teaandtoast3 · 09/01/2023 12:51

SheilaFentiman · 09/01/2023 12:36

OP said that he flounced upstairs, he may well have woken them.

Also… school run may require being driven, teens can’t drive.

This is how I read it. That he deliberately flounced off upstairs and woke up the kids.

2bazookas · 09/01/2023 12:51

Tell him to find a proper campsite. He can take the children there to enjoy his chilly campervan in January, cook their meals on 2 gas rings , and watch TV on his phone etc.

Do not allow him the use of your shower, washing machine etc.

Park your car strategically to prevent him arriving on your drive. If you have no car, ask neighbours for a favour.

LeilaRose777 · 09/01/2023 12:56

Haveagentlechristmas · 08/01/2023 23:13

OP I've thought about reporting this one because it's unbelievable. Unbelievable that anyone would be such a mug.

Why would I make this shit up. Seriously. Please don't be rude just because I haven't called the police. Thats not my way of doing things!

"Thats not my way of doing things!"
And that is partly the reason why he takes the piss so outrageously.

2bazookas · 09/01/2023 12:57

Tbh I wouldn't call the police unless he was bring threatening. He's not. He's just being a dick.

The THREAT is from him to your childrens emotional well being and mental health, from witnessing their coercive father bullying their mother in the home where they should have been totally safe and secure from him.

The police can move on his campervan for breach of numerous local byelaws.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 09/01/2023 13:05

2bazookas · 09/01/2023 12:57

Tbh I wouldn't call the police unless he was bring threatening. He's not. He's just being a dick.

The THREAT is from him to your childrens emotional well being and mental health, from witnessing their coercive father bullying their mother in the home where they should have been totally safe and secure from him.

The police can move on his campervan for breach of numerous local byelaws.

Is he breaching any byelaws if he's parking on her private drive?

SheilaFentiman · 09/01/2023 13:25

Last year, we had a friend of DH’s stay on our drive for two nights in his camper van, full permission to do so, used the power socket in the garage etc. I might check to see if we breached a bye law!

Astroponicist · 09/01/2023 13:55

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SheilaFentiman · 09/01/2023 14:00

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ODFOD.

The first post notes that the ex has not consistently paid child support, and later posts make it clear he feels entitled to be in OP’s home after she has asked him to
leave as she’s going to bed

deeperthanallroses · 09/01/2023 14:01

@Astroponicist Well, this is setting a new standard. What exactly of the thread did you read before replying? Just the title and you made up the rest in your head? Literally, the 2nd, 3rd and 4th lines of the OPENING POST say he doesn’t pay shit for his kids.

Astroponicist · 09/01/2023 14:07

I read all of it.

"The ex has just decided to hit the early retirement button (he's 57). I do suspect one of the motivations is to stop paying child support (which he was only paying a fraction of anyway).

5 years ago I moved 70 miles away so I could start a new life away from him and his weird ways, just me and the kids. We have our own routine going.

It's been hard but worth it. Though I don't have much help in the new place (relevant).

Ex has unilaterally decided that he plans to "camp in his campervan" in January to "help" with the children and to see more of them. I'm not up for this. Though I would like more help, I will find this irritating I think. I'm not sure the neighbours will want him there peeing in the bushes in the morning!

I would like to have some kind of shared care agreement, but not this!

What the fuck can I tell him!"

Original poster
Haveagentlechristmas · 09/01/2023 14:35

3 weeks is specific. could he have air b&b'd his house for 3 weeks?
Although he doesn't sound the type to have a house tidy enough for that to be a possibility?

Nope he is a messy bugger. Sounds like you know him!

Those of you advocating I call the police I do not believe that would be in the best interests of my children. However that does not mean I am being a "wet lettuce" as a pp 'kindly' put it. I am trying other routes and avenues. I have got rid of him once and will get rid of him again.

OP posts:
whattodo1975 · 09/01/2023 14:42

How old are the kids (and also you) ? If he is 57, are they teenagers ? Presumably they would then understand if you explained why you didnt want him there.

Original poster
Haveagentlechristmas · 09/01/2023 14:47

How old are the kids (and also you) ? If he is 57, are they teenagers ? Presumably they would then understand if you explained why you didnt want him there.

11 and 7 years old. I'm 46.

OP posts:
Spanglemum · 09/01/2023 14:47

Calling the police would massively escalate things. Can you compromise on a week and then he goes? What a freeloader. It sounds like he's bored and lonely since retiring.

sunglassesonthetable · 09/01/2023 14:53

I agree about not calling the police OP.

It's not the only way to do things and at THIS stage would be messy and sad for the kids. That's in your back pocket if necessary.

Tbh if OP asks for advice it's just that. She hasn't asked for orders and its literally embarrassing to see the posters on here demanding to know why she doesn't do what they have suggested.

But OP you have to enforce your boundaries.

He's a piss taker.

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/01/2023 14:55

Can you compromise on a week and then he goes?

Don't negotiate with terrorists. Seriously. A compromise is when two parties both get something they want, and give something in their power to give. Possession of OP's home is not the the ex's gift.

Maybe a week for the entire sum he owes in back child support, paid in advance. That would help with the kids.