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Original poster

Dcs dad wants to "camp" on my drive for 3 weeks in Jan 🤯

295 replies

Haveagentlechristmas · 28/12/2022 14:23

The ex has just decided to hit the early retirement button (he's 57). I do suspect one of the motivations is to stop paying child support (which he was only paying a fraction of anyway).

5 years ago I moved 70 miles away so I could start a new life away from him and his weird ways, just me and the kids. We have our own routine going.

It's been hard but worth it. Though I don't have much help in the new place (relevant).

Ex has unilaterally decided that he plans to "camp in his campervan" in January to "help" with the children and to see more of them. I'm not up for this. Though I would like more help, I will find this irritating I think. I'm not sure the neighbours will want him there peeing in the bushes in the morning!

I would like to have some kind of shared care agreement, but not this!

What the fuck can I tell him!

OP posts:
ThanosSnap · 28/12/2022 14:54

Haveagentlechristmas · 28/12/2022 14:34

Are you afraid he’ll get violent?

No, but he may make a scene. And upset the kids. They won't understand why mean mum is sending dad away.

How old are the kids? I'd be doing an age appropriate Convo if it went down like that, about how people are allowed to set healthy boundaries and say no and those that don't listen to that will face consequences.
I actually had something similar when I was a kid, not camping but just kind of being outside the house and at the time I was like well this is ridiculously mean letting my dad wail outside the house, sitting in the car looking at the house etc etc for weeks. Why can't we just let him in.
It didn't get it at the time, but as an adult, I truely got it. Healthy boundaries aren't bad, the people that break them are.
The kids might not get it now, but in the future they will look back and think yeah dad camping on the drive is creepy, claustrophobic etc him ignoring mum's wishes was shitty and mum was right as she's allowed to have healthy bohndaries, a great lesson to instill.

Herejustforthisone · 28/12/2022 14:58

“You’ve paid fuck-all towards your children, you’ve now decided you’re retired and want to camp for free on my property? No. You’re a strange, tedious, freeloading cheap skate. Fuck off.”

Original poster
Haveagentlechristmas · 28/12/2022 14:59

“You’ve paid fuck-all towards your children, you’ve now decided you’re retired and want to camp for free on my property? No. You’re a strange, tedious, freeloading cheap skate. Fuck off.”

😂 That about sums it up.

OP posts:
bellac11 · 28/12/2022 15:02

He hasnt got a key to your house has he, because if not how is he going to be in your house watching Netflix

Also make sure the neighbours are aware you dont want or approve or seek him to be parked on your shared car park bit

And block the drive

But do all those things after saying no, this isnt going to work for you.

Why doesnt he rent an airbnb nearby, that would be better

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 28/12/2022 15:03

Tell him it'll be £1000 a night to use your parking spot for holiday and vacationing and you're willing to get a solicitor to write up an agreement, and that he is not allowed to enter the house as he's not a visitor, he's a paying customer and your house is private property.

If he can't agree in writing to those terms then he can get himself to Fuck and camp there.

Marineboy67 · 28/12/2022 15:05

No doubt you will invite complaints from your neighbours and your ex will be obliged to wash and eat within the house. That's one of the legal conditions of a temporary stay in a motor home or caravan. Beyond a certain time scale planning consent would also be needed. Sounds like he's just freeloading as it suits him. There will be a local caravan/camping site he can use if he's genuinely interested in spending time with the children.

BMW6 · 28/12/2022 15:08

Haveagentlechristmas · 28/12/2022 14:59

“You’ve paid fuck-all towards your children, you’ve now decided you’re retired and want to camp for free on my property? No. You’re a strange, tedious, freeloading cheap skate. Fuck off.”

😂 That about sums it up.

Well in that case you should say exactly this to him.

And call the Police if he shows up and parks there.

ACynicalDad · 28/12/2022 15:08

Say you’ve discussed with your neighbors and they say no. Maybe point him towards a local campsite.

Original poster
Haveagentlechristmas · 28/12/2022 15:12

I think I'm 5% lured in by the offer of help. I could go to a event in the eve or a night out. But to be honest any help may be overshadowed by inconvenience.

OP posts:
oviraptor21 · 28/12/2022 15:14

Please do not be lured. This has disaster written all over it in flashing neon letters.

Newwardrobe · 28/12/2022 15:15

If he had wanted to help in the past then he would have paid you enough money to help you pay for childcare if you wanted to go out.
what makes you think he'll help now?

Original poster
Haveagentlechristmas · 28/12/2022 15:34

If he had wanted to help in the past then he would have paid you enough money to help you pay for childcare if you wanted to go out.
what makes you think he'll help now?

This is true.

OP posts:
diddl · 28/12/2022 15:39

Seriously-what help would be be?

MrsMoastyToasty · 28/12/2022 15:42

Such a pity that you're having skip delivered, scaffolding erected, the water turned off and the heating system ripped and replaced in January...

gamerchick · 28/12/2022 15:44

Haveagentlechristmas · 28/12/2022 15:12

I think I'm 5% lured in by the offer of help. I could go to a event in the eve or a night out. But to be honest any help may be overshadowed by inconvenience.

Don't do it. He.will.not.stay.in.any.campervan for long. He'll end up in your house and you'll find him really hard to get rid of. He will USE your children to manipulate you.

Why put you and them through that?

WunWun · 28/12/2022 15:46

What's the problem with just saying no now before he gets to make a scene in front of the kids?

JFDIYOLO · 28/12/2022 15:48

Dear god, say no ... He's trying to ooze his way back in.
Say NO.

chipsandpeas · 28/12/2022 15:53

jesus just say no and if he turns up call the police

KettrickenSmiled · 28/12/2022 15:56

How is it that you are having the slightest difficulty with telling him where to get off?

The ex has just decided to hit the early retirement button (he's 57). I do suspect one of the motivations is to stop paying child support (which he was only paying a fraction of anyway).
Right.
So he has form for not keeping his end of agreements & responsibilities.
Yet feels in a position to dictate this 3 week stay to you, dressing it up as wanting to 'help' with & 'see more' of his own children.

What part of EX is he (& you!) not getting?
Why can he not be more hands-on with his own DC under his own steam, without having you facilitate it for him?

Ex has unilaterally decided that he plans to "camp in his campervan" in January to "help" with the children and to see more of them. I'm not up for this.
He can arrange to see his children off his own bat.
He doesn't need to be camping on your drive/street in order for that to happen.
Do NOT fall for this bullshit.
He is trying to rope you into somehow managing his relationships with his own DC. That is not your job. You have separated. He is no longer your problem, & you mustn't let him use you like this.

Though I would like more help, I will find this irritating I think.
He hasn't helped you since you split.
He won't help you now - he'll just muscle in on your turf, & disrupt the peaceful time you have with your children
He wants to see them - he arranges for it all to happen without your input. You know - like a big boy. A father, even ...

I'm not sure the neighbours will want him there peeing in the bushes in the morning!
Come off it. He plans to be peeing in your bathroom.

I would like to have some kind of shared care agreement, but not this!
This has got fuck-all to do with him offering ANY sort of 'help' to you, & everything to do with appropriating your home, your time, & your helpful, ameliorating presence around the DC.
I suspect he's also testing the water to get his boots back under your bed.

What the fuck can I tell him!
"No. Also - how dare you? I'm not here to make your life easier any more. If you want to see your DC, you come & take them out, or you bring them back to your house. Or entertain them in your campervan, which will NOT be parked by MY house to make YOUR life easier."

Where is your anger OP?
He's manipulating you, & planning to use you.
Tell him to grow the fuck up & parent his own DC without your input.

trulyunruly01 · 28/12/2022 15:59

Just say it's against the lease terms in your cul de sac (even if you own there will be weird little clauses in your land reg docs - I once had one that I was not to park n ice cream van on my frontage). And that these arsey neighbours will report him in a flash. Not possible.
And if he does try to park up in the carpark then report him to the police/local council yourself as a traveller.

SeveruslyFrazzled · 28/12/2022 15:59

Big fat NO from me

KettrickenSmiled · 28/12/2022 15:59

Haveagentlechristmas · 28/12/2022 14:26

Just say no, you can’t commit 😂

Nice idea. Playing him at his own game. But what if he literally turns up, it could get ugly.

"What part of me saying NO to this stupid plan did you not understand? I do not want you here. I want you to leave, & if you don't, I will call the police because you are harassing me."

AdInfinitum12 · 28/12/2022 16:02

Jesus Christ just say no. If he turns up you say no again. If he won't leave you call the police. The fact that you are even considering this shows just how much of a hold he has over you.

purplecorkheart · 28/12/2022 16:04

And you will be providing the electricity and water. After the first night it will be too cold in the van and he will "kip on the sofa". After night three the sofa will be killing his back and he will move into one of the kids room. Oh he will expect meals sure aren't you cooking for everyone else anyway and one more will not make much difference. You will never be rid of him as rents are unaffordable etc

Start as you mean to go out an tell him to bog off!!!

Theheartmustpausetobreathe · 28/12/2022 16:11

The trouble is that the OP has said he's not a rule follower .He won't care about exclusions in the lease or neighbours objection .Who is going to get the lease enforced ? Will the police attend ? Will they be interested if the OP asks for advice now ? Or will they say if he parks on private land it's a civil matter and the OP will have to take legal advice and take him to court ?