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Original poster

Dcs dad wants to "camp" on my drive for 3 weeks in Jan 🤯

295 replies

Haveagentlechristmas · 28/12/2022 14:23

The ex has just decided to hit the early retirement button (he's 57). I do suspect one of the motivations is to stop paying child support (which he was only paying a fraction of anyway).

5 years ago I moved 70 miles away so I could start a new life away from him and his weird ways, just me and the kids. We have our own routine going.

It's been hard but worth it. Though I don't have much help in the new place (relevant).

Ex has unilaterally decided that he plans to "camp in his campervan" in January to "help" with the children and to see more of them. I'm not up for this. Though I would like more help, I will find this irritating I think. I'm not sure the neighbours will want him there peeing in the bushes in the morning!

I would like to have some kind of shared care agreement, but not this!

What the fuck can I tell him!

OP posts:
Marineboy67 · 08/01/2023 21:56

Well after all the support and advice you received the exact opposite outcome has occurred. You have to beg the question why?

Pixiedust1234 · 08/01/2023 21:56

Tell him to leave immediatel. If he makes excuses ask him if he wants you toncall the police to remove him..because you will. He won't leave without being told.

Paq · 08/01/2023 21:57

Why are you putting up with this crap? Tell him to leave and if he doesn't call the police.

pristinesurfacesGBTD · 08/01/2023 21:58

reallyworriedjobhunter · 08/01/2023 21:52

Turn off the tv and tell him to leave. Do not give him the Wi-Fi code.

Yep, change the netflix password and log out each time you finish watching

justforthisnow · 08/01/2023 22:02

Paq · 08/01/2023 21:57

Why are you putting up with this crap? Tell him to leave and if he doesn't call the police.

This

titchy · 08/01/2023 22:06

Why the fuck did you let him in, and why the fuck do you continue to do so. Call the police. Why are you fucking around letting him control you? You don't need to scream or shout, just quietly take the remote and tell his he has to leave right now or you call the police.

titchy · 08/01/2023 22:06

Or maybe you're just trolling us.

Iizzyb · 08/01/2023 22:15

OP are you frightened of him?

I'm just wondering why you don't seem to be able to assert your boundaries when it comes to your EX?

Perhaps look at this another way? You are currently showing your dc's exactly how to get trodden all over by another human being. This is your house. Get him out and show them this.

If you don't show them how will they ever be able to do it?

He's your ex and it's your house.

Walk in there, turn the TV off and tell him it's time to leave FFS. If he says no, tell him you'll call the police and then do it.

Original poster
Haveagentlechristmas · 08/01/2023 22:36

So basically just turned off tele and WiFi and said I want to go to bed and lock up. He got all stroppy and said I want to keep watching tele and I will post the keys back through the door. I said no, I want to lock up now. So he flounced upstairs and told my DC he was going. The sudden nature of it made my DC cry. That's what I was afraid of tbh. He's a manipulative bastard. Now he's backed down again and says he will stay on the drive. He's really messing with the kids heads.

OP posts:
MikiSu · 08/01/2023 22:41

Haveagentlechristmas · 08/01/2023 22:36

So basically just turned off tele and WiFi and said I want to go to bed and lock up. He got all stroppy and said I want to keep watching tele and I will post the keys back through the door. I said no, I want to lock up now. So he flounced upstairs and told my DC he was going. The sudden nature of it made my DC cry. That's what I was afraid of tbh. He's a manipulative bastard. Now he's backed down again and says he will stay on the drive. He's really messing with the kids heads.

Don't be a mug OP, give him directions to the nearest camp site 💪🏻

Intrepidescape · 08/01/2023 22:45

You’ve been told to call the police and you haven’t. I have little sympathy. You let him in your home and this is the outcome. Call the police and tell them a person is trespassing on your property.

BliainNua · 08/01/2023 22:47

I feel like screaming in frustration! Absolutely no, he can not stay parked / living on your drive - I thought you were already clear about that?!!
It's day 1 and he's already playing silly buggers, I honestly think you shouldn't even let him stay there tonight but it's probably too late for that now.
Don't let him emotionally blackmail you or your children.

arcencielpoisson · 08/01/2023 22:48

Bloody hell!!! What knob! A frank discussion is required

Original poster
Haveagentlechristmas · 08/01/2023 22:51

You’ve been told to call the police and you haven’t. I have little sympathy. You let him in your home and this is the outcome. Call the police and tell them a person is trespassing on your property.

Tbh I wouldn't call the police unless he was bring threatening. He's not. He's just being a dick.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 08/01/2023 22:53

BliainNua · 08/01/2023 22:47

I feel like screaming in frustration! Absolutely no, he can not stay parked / living on your drive - I thought you were already clear about that?!!
It's day 1 and he's already playing silly buggers, I honestly think you shouldn't even let him stay there tonight but it's probably too late for that now.
Don't let him emotionally blackmail you or your children.

Exactly. You got some great advice here op, and you have ignored it. Glad we all went to the bother! So funnily enough he’s now in Your House, throwing strops and being a pain.
Tell him to leave.
Do not let him park on your drive.
Do not let him in your house.
Or alternatively do none of that, and enjoy the outcome..

RavenclawsPrincess · 08/01/2023 22:53

You told him he couldn’t stay on your drive and he’s…staying on your drive. Tell him he has to take his heap of crap somewhere else, or you’ll report him for trespassing.

Are you afraid of him OP, is there a history of abuse in your relationship and that’s why you can’t say no and stick to it?

titchy · 08/01/2023 22:55

Haveagentlechristmas · 08/01/2023 22:51

You’ve been told to call the police and you haven’t. I have little sympathy. You let him in your home and this is the outcome. Call the police and tell them a person is trespassing on your property.

Tbh I wouldn't call the police unless he was bring threatening. He's not. He's just being a dick.

Well frankly then he's going to continue to be a dick, upset your kids and manipulate his way back into your lives. The ones you worked so hard to rebuild. What a waste. Your poor kids - letting their exes walk all over them will be their lives too.

deeperthanallroses · 08/01/2023 22:56

How are the neighbours? They wouldn’t want him squatting there.any helpful types you could explain your feckless loser ex says he’s camping there and before you have to call the police on your kids dad you wonder if anyone would be able to have a word. As it is they will be thinking you are ok with it. Especially if it’s that shared space you mention- that seems like half the street would probably be keen to explain to him it’s for all of them and they don’t want him in it.

AcrossthePond55 · 08/01/2023 22:59

Obvs the thing to do is tell him to get the hell off your drive, and if he won't comply call the police.

But if all else fails, make him as UNcomfortable as possible. I'm looking at this from a (US) RVers point of view. RVs (all types) need a source of water and electricity to be 'livable'. And there needs to be some place to 'dispose' of waste (if they have a toilet/shower). If someone is actually an 'invited guest' usually there's electricity via an extension cord from the house/garage and water via a garden hose. Most times the 'host' will let you use their shower & laundry as long as you aren't an idiot about it. So be sure he doesn't have access to either water or electricity. Remove or lock the taps from your garden hose and lock your garage door it has a socket inside. Also, keep your doors locked and make him aware that he doesn't have 'house room' at your house and he's NOT going to be spending the entire day lounging around inside. He is to be in his camper van unless you specifically invite him in.

I do find it just odd that he'd want to just stay and stay. Is it at all possible that he's either lost the house or sold it?

Rogue1001MNer · 08/01/2023 23:00

I'm so sorry this is happening.

Unfortunately, you're going to have to get tough.
Do it when the DC are at school

TravelWeDo · 08/01/2023 23:02

Don’t let him in again, tell him the camper van is his home. But without being on a site he’ll rely on you for showers/toilet/cooking etc. Without it he’ll only last 3/4 days if he’s set up off grid. Tell him he’s not allowed into your house unless you ask. How old are your kids?

Original poster
Haveagentlechristmas · 08/01/2023 23:04

I do find it just odd that he'd want to just stay and stay. Is it at all possible that he's either lost the house or sold it?

Hes basically retired as of last month and now decided he wants to "help" with the kids more. They love the idea. But he's 90 percent not a helpful presence.

OP posts:
Original poster
Haveagentlechristmas · 08/01/2023 23:05

Good ideas @AcrossthePond55

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 08/01/2023 23:07

OP I've thought about reporting this one because it's unbelievable. Unbelievable that anyone would be such a mug. In the absolutely unlikely case that this is real, have a think about that. People online think you're trolling because no one would allow this. Allow their children to become pawns for some weird cuckoo ex who wants to use your Netflix and sit in your chair, when he kept the family home and didn't pay CS.

If you were my friend and real I'd come round and throw him out myself. Have you got any friends or family who don't take any shit?

JoyPeaceHealth · 08/01/2023 23:08

Haveagentlechristmas · 28/12/2022 16:29

All this “free spirit in my van” type malarkey just smacks of bloody Peter Pan type men who don’t want to grow up and be responsible and pay their way in life

Haha, you're right. You've all convinced me it is a very bad idea. But now the next step when he feigns sadness in front of the kids 'mummy won't let me come and see you in my campervan,' I know he's going to get the violin out next and make me into this terrible, unreasonable person.

Id say ''mummy works hard to pay our bills and can't afford to support another person. Mummy is not responsible for Daddy''.

Don't shy away from it.