Dcs dad wants to "camp" on my drive for 3 weeks in Jan 🤯

[Haveagentlechristmas]

The ex has just decided to hit the early retirement button (he's 57). I do suspect one of the motivations is to stop paying child support (which he was only paying a fraction of anyway).

5 years ago I moved 70 miles away so I could start a new life away from him and his weird ways, just me and the kids. We have our own routine going.

It's been hard but worth it. Though I don't have much help in the new place (relevant).

Ex has unilaterally decided that he plans to "camp in his campervan" in January to "help" with the children and to see more of them. I'm not up for this. Though I would like more help, I will find this irritating I think. I'm not sure the neighbours will want him there peeing in the bushes in the morning!

I would like to have some kind of shared care agreement, but not this!

What the fuck can I tell him!

Then why can't he drive up, pick them up and take them to stay in his house for part of the holidays?

He says he wants to help with the school run, taking them to clubs etc. But no. I'm putting my foot down!

Ex, that could work out really well, thank! You see, we are having some work done to the kids’ rooms and the bathroom. If the kids can stay with you in the caravan, I won’t have to worry about them having limited toilet access and breathing in dust and paint fumes. Unfortunate,y, my driveway won’t be possible because there will be a skipbut the closest campground is Campgrounds R Us. I’m sure they will have space in January if you book now.

Do you want to tell the kids or shall I?

Then in January - bloody unreliable builders have been delayed - they’ll be here later/tomorrow/next week etc.

Do you need help. Will he actuall be helpful.

if not just say no to all it. He can have them at his house over a long weekend or school holiday.

Send him a link to a campsite nearby. He can do all the school runs he wants and then go back to his campsite after without crossing your threshold. Kids will love a few nights of ‘camping with dad’ too!

OK, so the worst happens and he makes you out to be the bad guy for saying no. In his eyes of course, you are the bad guy for not accommodating his silly half baked idea. That’s his opinion, but not necessarily the fact. As long as you’ve offered alternative ways for him to see the kids that don’t involve your driveway, so what if he gets the world’s tiniest violin out? Let him bitch and moan.

I'd suggest that he books into a proper campsite, nearby. As he'll need access to toilet waste disposal, and electricity. After all you don't really want him popping into yours multiple times a day, using your loo and hooking up to your electricity.

No that doesn’t work for any of us.

no the kids don’t want to see you in a camper van

no the kids are in school

no I’m not a campsite

repeat

😂😂

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · Today 16:50

He'll probably want to plug his van into your electricity supply

Fnnnnrrr!

How well do you get on with your neighbours, @Haveagentlechristmas?
now might be a good time to discuss with them????
Develop an action plan!

He says, he wants ... FFS. It's all about him. High time to shut him down, you've been split for years & he still reckons he gets to call the shots.

Tell him he is welcome to parent his own children on his own time, but that he doesn't get to interfere in your time. If he wants to see them, it is by arrangement AND AGREEMENT with you - & while he's at it, he can decide on a regular contact schedule, because this ad hoc nonsense is ridiculous & unsettling. Also - you need to button down maintenance payments, would he prefer to settle the sum direct with you each month, or have the CMS onto him to take it directly from his pension?

Seriously.
It's time to start applying some pressure. Show him that you are prepared to be a co-parent, but not his pushover.

Just tell him to fuck off. If he wants to see the children, he can collect them. In his campervan.

Well, that's what babysitters are for, isn't it?

Well, it's a way for him to make very certain that no man crosses your threshold, I suppose. Because that's probably part of it, along with the trying to persuade you to let him in because it's oh, so very cold out there, just for the night, will be no trouble and will take the kids to school and pick them up for you (so just lend me the key, I won't get a spare cut immediately, honest, and won't go through your knicker drawer looking for signs of you having sex with or trying to pick up other men, really).

Just no. Put a fence up, build a brick wall, whatever it takes to keep him on the street where he can be moved on by the police without you having to get him removed by the court.

“He says he wants to help with the school run, taking them to clubs etc. But no. I'm putting my foot down!”

tell him you are ok for school run, if he wants to help he can pay decent maintenance instead. Stick to agreed contact.

OK. I've told him. He has taken it surprisingly well. 🤔

Borrow a banger of a car or get some crap to block off your driveway so he can't pull in for a hour or two and then have to stay the night because he he tired etc and then make you feel guilty for asking him to leave (which he will not). Sorry for sounding aggressive but your ex sounds like my brother.

Hello. Further to him taking it quite well, he has just arrived, dropping off the DC and is now sitting on MY chair watching Netflix. He's bought a load of shit in his van like a drill, in case anything needs fixing etc. He says he plans to stay as long as I can put up with him but he loooks rather comfortable FFS. 🤬

For fucks sake, just chuck him out. What weird hold does he has over you that makes you think you need to come up with a clever plan or water tight reason for him to leave? He just leaves.

“Sorry, have you recently sustained a head injury? No? Then what the fuck are you still doing in my house? I made it quite plain that you were not welcome to camp at my house - not in your shit heap camper on the drive and certainly not inside. Get your drill, get your arse out of my chair, climb into your van and fuck off.”

You're having a laugh right? Tell him to get the fuck out. Turn the router off.

Does he have the Park4Nite app? It's for campervan drivers to crowdsource free overnight spots and facilities. Works really well.

Tell him to go - now

Do you have any big beefy neighbours, friends work colleagues who can escort him off the premises ?

Turn off the tv and tell him to leave. Do not give him the Wi-Fi code.

Get a skip.

Oh no I was too late. Tell him he is trespassing and that you'll call the police if he doesn't leave.