Dcs dad wants to "camp" on my drive for 3 weeks in Jan 🤯

[Haveagentlechristmas]

The ex has just decided to hit the early retirement button (he's 57). I do suspect one of the motivations is to stop paying child support (which he was only paying a fraction of anyway).

5 years ago I moved 70 miles away so I could start a new life away from him and his weird ways, just me and the kids. We have our own routine going.

It's been hard but worth it. Though I don't have much help in the new place (relevant).

Ex has unilaterally decided that he plans to "camp in his campervan" in January to "help" with the children and to see more of them. I'm not up for this. Though I would like more help, I will find this irritating I think. I'm not sure the neighbours will want him there peeing in the bushes in the morning!

I would like to have some kind of shared care agreement, but not this!

What the fuck can I tell him!

I don't get this, don't have him in your house and tell him to get off your property! He's taking the piss, where are your boundaries?

Do people really thiInk the police would come out to this??

Find a local campsite that will be just perfect for him to pitch up at and send on the details.
On with a play area for the DC too.

How old are the children?

First thing in the morning tell him to find a campsite, he is not welcome in your house, he can see the dc but as you aren’t together it’s no longer your job to facilitate him.

OP I've thought about reporting this one because it's unbelievable. Unbelievable that anyone would be such a mug.

Why would I make this shit up. Seriously. Please don't be rude just because I haven't called the police. Thats not my way of doing things!

OP, I’m sorry he is a dick

He isn’t the first ex who doesn’t really believe in the autonomy of the woman who left hjm

Surly the solution is for him to stay in the nearest campsite/ caravan park.

You are entitled to boundaries and your home is your space not his. You should also not incur costs of addition (uninvited) house guests.

Tell the children that Dad is/was mistaken. He can see them as much as he/they like, it's just that this needs to be planned and not it the house.

Hence thinking he has some kind of rights over your new place, to rock up, watch tv, wake the kids etc

OP the thing I don't understand is why you're letting him behave as though he's still part of your family. He's your ex. He's not your husband.

This is your children's home. They've lived through you separating once & presumably have adjusted. Why would you allow him back in? And what on earth are you getting out of this?

Honestly it all just sounds unhinged.

Lizzyb, it’s very easy to go along with old habits to keep the peace and avoid upsetting kids, especially with exes who will cast a woman as Mean Mum.

Well of course he took it well, you didn't follow through and I guess he knew that would happen!🤦🏻‍♀️

OP, I agree with Pond. Is he in your drive right now? Ask him to go to a proper site in the morning and tell him he’s not welcome in to shower etc

Your way doesn't work.

OP asked him not to do this and he has anyway. That implies a fair bit of boundary trampling/emotionally abusive behaviour from him. Perhaps posters could bear this in mind when berating op.

op, stick up for your kids.
Their father is upsetting them.
Tell him to leave and if he doesnt, you will call the police for transpasing and that you will be calling a solicitor Am so that you and your children wont be messed about like this.
Your poor kids

omg OP! One word for you -

B O U ND R I E S

you need to set them QUICK and HARD.

He's a rule breaking piss taker and he is going to continue taking the piss. None of it is a good idea - don't care if he's got the contents of Screwfix along with his drill in his van.

This is not your idea and don't let it happen.

*Trespassing

He's 57. How old are the kids that they are getting upset?
Unless they are very small, you need to have a proper conversation with them about your relationship.

But why (if he hadn't loss his house 70 miles away) doesn't he sell it/rent it and buy/rent a house/flat near-by?
Surely that would make sense if he wants to be in the children's lives more (which is a great thing). He can't parent them in a van.
He's basically moved back in with you. I assume you'll be doing his washing and cooking from now on?
I have no idea what the two of you are playing at. I also assume as he's not putting down permanent roots in your new area that he could fuck off at any time, upsetting the kids.

Will someone do some adulting?

How did he get in in the first place that part I don’t understand

lock everything down and don’t let him use anything.
no toilet
no showering
no electricity
no nowt

Tell him there is campsites and it’s against the law to park on the driveway or in the cul de sac for that matter as he’s not bloody welcome.

I'll be amazed if your neighbour will put up with a camper van and someone living there on your/their drive. Do you need to add him to the council tax?

You say no. You keep saying no. He then turns up and you report him to the police.

And you keep saying no.

Or he'll be sleeping on your sofa before your know it.

Teach your kids how to have boundaries.

Actually I'm the 50 year old result of an abusive "d"f who was allowed to walk all over me and dm for the whole of my childhood. DM never ever stood up for me in my whole life. I have no skill at asserting boundaries at all. I have had to learn those skills as a mother to support ds. I'm still pretty hopeless at asserting boundaries at work and in relationships.

Given op managed to get him out in the first place I was encouraging her - as are others - to get him back the other side of the front door.

Oh, he's already back in.

Well, this is on you then.

You have ignored all the advice you asked for. And you haven't called the police. You've let him upset your children.

Good luck.