Partner accused of sexual abuse

[Anonuser456]

my partner has allegations of sexual abuse on his DBS in the “other” section so it only shows up on an enhanced check. I found out he has these allegations when he applied for a job a while back and was rejected due to his DBS. I found out he has 3 allegations of sexual abuse; one threatening revenge porn, one sexual assault by touching without consent, and the third was sexual interactions with an underage girl. He denies all allegations stating that the girls were all lying and had just tried to ruin his life. The allegations didn’t go further, all 3 dropped charges instead of going to court, he hasn’t been prosecuted hence why it only shows up on an enhanced check. He is also barred from working with children.

recently, the underage girl who reported him to the police got in touch with me via social media. She said she wanted to let me know that my partner sexually abused her when she was young. He was early 20’s and she was 12-13. She said there were several encounters of touching her and performing oral and obviously she was too young to consent. I showed my partner the messages and he denies it saying she is trying to ruin our relationship. He knows the girl and says she is the younger sister of the girl he once dated. He tells me to block and ignore it as it is untrue but won’t engage in a telephone conversation with the girl to discuss why she would make these false allegations.

Are they all liars because I’m starting to feel suspicious? he seems somewhat uncomfortable when discussing this and something tells me that he is lying to me as he doesn’t wish to confront the so called false accusations with the girl and would rather me just block.

I have never had any issues of sexual nature with him. He has always been respectful in that regard. However he has been physically abusive e.g. throwing things during arguments, hitting me during arguments (but not with excess force), punching walls doors furniture etc

Would you believe his word over theirs? What would you do in my situation if it was your DP, would you investigate further about the girl who’s come forward to me or block her as he says? Would you stay in a relationship with him?

note: these are all historical allegations way before we got together, around 7+ years ago these were reported and nothing since

*many paedophiles

OP whilst I am shocked please read up on sexual assault, abuse, manipulation, coercion, sexual grooming and abuse of minors. It seems like your not connecting the basic dots which would be very obvious to the everyday person. I would not want to sound patronising but it’s extremely worrying that you concluded he is an amazing person given all that you know and have experienced already.

Yes I’ve seen my father hit my mother and I’ve always been conditioned to shut up and put up and never defend myself just remain obedient

This reminds me of the Teacher’s Pet podcast, an example of a charming ‘sociable’ guy who grooms teenage girls and ‘only get angry during arguments’. 😞

Sounds like you’re trauma bonded to him

I’m guessing you had an abusive childhood

contact womens aid and get their dupport

i understand the freedom programme is helpful

OP, I've been raped. I've also escaped an attempted rape. I didn't report either.

It takes a lot to report sexual assault.

Three women making unfounded allegations against one man?

One man who has already hit you?

Is it really worth taking the chance..?

We are the same age

Please leave him and gather all your strength to do so. This is not love you have for him or him for you. Its an unhealthy attachment.
Get out now that you know what he's done. It's all there in black and white and no good can come from it.

I can't believe you have to come on a forum and ask advice .
3 serious allegations and he's hit you , what a peach .

www.womensaid.org.uk/about-domestic-abuse/

@Anonuser456

You're in a relationship with a paedophile, a violent paedo with a criminal record that is searchable.

He also hits you.

I hope to god you don't have children and he has access to them.

Also if three completely different men had accused him of burglary, would that make you suspicious? Why do we assume women lie are more likely to lie about crimes?

One of the nicest seeming men I've ever met (kind, helpful, considerate, funny, thoughtful, reliable and just adored by everyone) turned out to be a voyeur and rapist about also preyed on young girls under the age of consent.

You've even seen this guy behind closed doors and know he is violent.

He is evil. Pretending to be good. He hurts women and children. Please get away from him. Avoid dating again for a good while too, until you've unpicked why you've stayed with this man so long. I'd second doing the freedom programme.

I truly don't understand why you are still with this man...

There is literally zero chance that 3 different women could be lying about the fact that he is a predator.

He has also hit you and displayed uncontrolled anger.

I think you need to have a serious look at why you got yourself in such a toxic relationship with a sexual abuser and why you are still asking whether you should leave him & believe these women.

I would spend time learning about healthy relationships and talking to a therapist because frankly the idea that you are still with him is really disturbing.

This

I hope once you get away from him, you message that young lady who warned you a thank you. It must have been really hard for her to bring it all up again on order to warn you.

Good luck getting out. If I were you I would do so without any convo with him. As he is a manipulative and dangerous man. If you feel at risk again in his presence, don't be slow to call the police.

A dbs check has highlighted 3 abuse victims.

One has contacted you to corroborate.

He is physically violent to you and cannot control his temper.

He can't work with children.

What would you say to your best friend if she told you she was dating a man like this?

He cried when explaining these women are lying about him… saying they’ve ruined his career prospects and his life… I can’t believe I’m stupid enough to fall for it he just seemed so convincing 😔 I now feel like an idiot.

whst they’ve ruined his career prospects of working with children?

i hope they have tuijer his life

but it won’t be easy for you to break an abusive relationship pattern op

please do seek counselling and support

He's a master manipulator. I'd be wary that tears haven't worked so he will either turn on the charm or turn on the intimidation and violence tactics next :/

I can't even imagine how fucked up your childhood had to be for you to be with this man. Get rid of him and get yourself into therapy.

He's good at grooming girls and women.

Otherwise you wouldn't have fallen for him either.

Hitting has no place in relationships.

He's groomed you the same way he groomed the other girls he's abused. Leave him and seek some support to break that cycle x

"I have never had any issues of sexual nature with him. He has always been respectful in that regard. However he has been physically abusive e.g. throwing things during arguments, hitting me during arguments (but not with excess force), punching walls doors furniture etc"

What now? Oh well as you have never had any issues of a sexual nature. Yet 3 women have. He has been physically abusive to you. He's hit you, and abused 3 other women. No, these women aren't liars. Respectful? I don't think he'll keep that up. And when he doesn't, you'll be the 4th "liar"

He definitely has a type. A woman or girl with very low self esteem. He can turn on the charm but underneath this is an evil man.
You admit you are needy and have low self esteem.
Do you really want to be his next victim because that's exactly what you are agreeing to be
We can advise you but you are the only person who can make the changes you need to make
Good luck