Partner accused of sexual abuse

[Anonuser456]

my partner has allegations of sexual abuse on his DBS in the “other” section so it only shows up on an enhanced check. I found out he has these allegations when he applied for a job a while back and was rejected due to his DBS. I found out he has 3 allegations of sexual abuse; one threatening revenge porn, one sexual assault by touching without consent, and the third was sexual interactions with an underage girl. He denies all allegations stating that the girls were all lying and had just tried to ruin his life. The allegations didn’t go further, all 3 dropped charges instead of going to court, he hasn’t been prosecuted hence why it only shows up on an enhanced check. He is also barred from working with children.

recently, the underage girl who reported him to the police got in touch with me via social media. She said she wanted to let me know that my partner sexually abused her when she was young. He was early 20’s and she was 12-13. She said there were several encounters of touching her and performing oral and obviously she was too young to consent. I showed my partner the messages and he denies it saying she is trying to ruin our relationship. He knows the girl and says she is the younger sister of the girl he once dated. He tells me to block and ignore it as it is untrue but won’t engage in a telephone conversation with the girl to discuss why she would make these false allegations.

Are they all liars because I’m starting to feel suspicious? he seems somewhat uncomfortable when discussing this and something tells me that he is lying to me as he doesn’t wish to confront the so called false accusations with the girl and would rather me just block.

I have never had any issues of sexual nature with him. He has always been respectful in that regard. However he has been physically abusive e.g. throwing things during arguments, hitting me during arguments (but not with excess force), punching walls doors furniture etc

Would you believe his word over theirs? What would you do in my situation if it was your DP, would you investigate further about the girl who’s come forward to me or block her as he says? Would you stay in a relationship with him?

note: these are all historical allegations way before we got together, around 7+ years ago these were reported and nothing since

And can you let go of your child ? Because if you don’t make the break, report to the police and inform social services that you are expecting a pedophiles child, that is what will happen .

If the accusations against him were dropped and never went to Court, how is he barred from working with children? Wouldn’t that have to follow something that was proven, which suggests there’s more OP doesn’t know about? Or in Britain can someone be barred from working with children on suspicion, but not proven?

For anyone who is interested the photo attached and the link provided explain the process of disclosing information that is not a conviction and the opportunity for the applicant to argue that it shouldn't be disclosed on a DBS certificate...

www.gov.uk/guidance/disclosure-and-barring-service-representations-process

You need therapy. You are placing a man over your unborn child.

You may be heartbroken but its better than broken bones or worse. I pray you don't go back to him, and if you do SS need to remove your child from you

Everyone who is saying SS will remove my child… you do realise he hasn’t been convicted so he is not on the sex offenders list? He is barred from working with children but that doesn’t place any restrictions on him spending time with children within his own family

Do you have family? Can you discuss this with them as they are very real people in your life, rather than us strangers on the internet as I feel like you're not really listening because you're emotionally attached to this person.x

"However he has been physically abusive e.g. throwing things during arguments, hitting me during arguments (but not with excess force), punching walls doors furniture etc"

"Not with excess force I mean it doesn’t hurt too badly, it does hurt but doesn’t leave any bruising if that makes sense, so it’s basically just minor. He tells me I provoked him which is why he hit me. So I just apologise for making him angry. Also if he breaks an item of furniture he says “look what you made me do” so it is usually my fault."

How do you think Social Services will view this when they get wind OP? Because if you do "get him back" it will escalate and at some point they will find out, hopefully while the baby is still OK. If you don't know, many of us will be able to tell you. You should not want this life for your child.

You're not going to leave him are you OP? You're already back with him and swallowing his shit.

If you stay and SS take your son it WILL be your fault. You need to protect him.

Be a mother and put your child first. This is on you.

It stopped being solely about you when you became pregnant!

You care so little about your unborn child and you are willing to subject him to endless years of abuse so that you can be with this man.

Doesn't it bother you that he sexually abused a 12 year old? How many men do you who have been accused of sexual abuse by 3 women? I personally know none.

Do you care so little about yourself that you are willing to tolerate being abused?

It is disturbing to see that you ignore all the advice given and continue to take his side.

I still hope your child will be more important to you than this worthless man.

you do realise he hasn’t been convicted so he is not on the sex offenders list?

Is this really the bar you’re setting for your relationship??

He wasn’t convicted because his victims dropped the charges.

Your baby deserves way better than this.

They don't bar you from working with children without evidence OP. Otherwise every teacher ever to teach a vindictive teen would be sacked and barred. They have to have done something and there has to be proof.

Have you actually checked and verified this information rather than taking his word for it? Its not like he is going to have told you upfront thst he molested a child.

Have you applied for a disclosure to find out whether he has been convicted of child sex offences? You can do so here. www.gov.uk/guidance/find-out-if-a-person-has-a-record-for-child-sexual-offences

If he can't be trusted to work with children I'm astounded that you would consider him living with your child. I was sexually abused as a child and honestly it destroys you. Your entire sense of self. I can't believe that any parent would risk that.

'I have never had any issues of sexual nature with him. He has always been respectful in that regard. However he has been physically abusive e.g. throwing things during arguments, hitting me during arguments (but not with excess force), punching walls doors furniture etc'
Sounds ideal father /partner material then ! - no one will give you any encouragement to maintain a relationship with this excuse of a man , please have some self respect and don't become yet another statistic who stays because 'i love him' , put your baby first and give it stability and a life free of aggression and god knows what else , he's barred from working with children , what else is yet to come out ?

You need to alert social services and give your unborn baby to them.

You care more about à physically abusive paedophile than your child.

You are complicit in this. It is so shocking. What is wrong with you??

Oh, well that's okay then. I'd totally trust him with your child then 🤷🏼‍♀️

You need to stop defending him. He's not a nice person

He's banned from working with children and has already hit you. And punched walls. That's best case scenario.

Worst case scenario (and most likely scenario, as there are multiple claims from multiple people) he is also a child rapist.

Staying in a relationship with him, which it sounds like you will, is an utter disservice to your child.

If you wont listen to the people on here then please talk to your midwife about everything you have said on here. Someone needs to look out for your unborn baby as you are placing this abuser over your unborn child

This is almost like a game of froth bingo.
Is this an inset day?

So that means YOU need to safe guard your child. I am so sorry you are finding yourself in this position. You deserve so much more

This thread is totally shocking. OP your number one priority should be to protect your unborn child and you are failing at that already.

I think that this thread should be deleted.

It's obvious that the OP will not leave her abusive partner despite lots of posters giving solid sensible advice. She is not listening. She is defending him. God help the poor baby.

SS don't need a conviction to act.

Oh and hitting you and breaking things in anger then blaming you is domestic abuse.

Children can be removed if a parent fails to protect them from seeing this as this is emotional abuse.

@Anonuser456 please see link to gov website about end barring, I really urge you to consider your chosen as I don’t think your ex has been honest with you about his dbs. www.gov.uk/government/organisations/disclosure-and-barring-service/about

i don’t think you are going to respond to anymore responses or concerns on this thread as you’ve gone very quiet. Every single response has been telling you to protect yourself and your child and so far every reply from you is minimising the danger this man poses to you and your child

If you think social services won't be involved after all you've written here, you are in for such a shock.
If you aren't going to safeguard your child, they will. Your attitude to this whole thing is awful.

Have you considered the effect on your child, that when they grow up they could find out their father is a paedophile? How do you think they will feel knowing you didn't protect them from that? If you want to give your baby a good life, keep him the fuck away. You have no idea the damage this will cause.