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Original poster

Partner accused of sexual abuse

329 replies

Anonuser456 · 26/12/2022 19:19

my partner has allegations of sexual abuse on his DBS in the “other” section so it only shows up on an enhanced check. I found out he has these allegations when he applied for a job a while back and was rejected due to his DBS. I found out he has 3 allegations of sexual abuse; one threatening revenge porn, one sexual assault by touching without consent, and the third was sexual interactions with an underage girl. He denies all allegations stating that the girls were all lying and had just tried to ruin his life. The allegations didn’t go further, all 3 dropped charges instead of going to court, he hasn’t been prosecuted hence why it only shows up on an enhanced check. He is also barred from working with children.

recently, the underage girl who reported him to the police got in touch with me via social media. She said she wanted to let me know that my partner sexually abused her when she was young. He was early 20’s and she was 12-13. She said there were several encounters of touching her and performing oral and obviously she was too young to consent. I showed my partner the messages and he denies it saying she is trying to ruin our relationship. He knows the girl and says she is the younger sister of the girl he once dated. He tells me to block and ignore it as it is untrue but won’t engage in a telephone conversation with the girl to discuss why she would make these false allegations.

Are they all liars because I’m starting to feel suspicious? he seems somewhat uncomfortable when discussing this and something tells me that he is lying to me as he doesn’t wish to confront the so called false accusations with the girl and would rather me just block.

I have never had any issues of sexual nature with him. He has always been respectful in that regard. However he has been physically abusive e.g. throwing things during arguments, hitting me during arguments (but not with excess force), punching walls doors furniture etc

Would you believe his word over theirs? What would you do in my situation if it was your DP, would you investigate further about the girl who’s come forward to me or block her as he says? Would you stay in a relationship with him?

note: these are all historical allegations way before we got together, around 7+ years ago these were reported and nothing since

OP posts:
backedintoacorner · 26/12/2022 19:38

One person …… maybe just maybe there would be a slim chance it was a malicious allegation but three? No way. If I were you I’d make plans to leave as you aren’t safe around him

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 26/12/2022 19:39

Accusations from 3 different women is a MASSIVE MASSIVE concern. There’s no way all 3 are liars.

Personally I would end the relationship. Other crimes I could accept if there had been a long time since they were committed but not sexual crimes. I have no Confidence that people with sexual deviancies can be rehabilitated.

I could never trust this man around a family and especially children.

WunWun · 26/12/2022 19:39

Honestly, you're just excusing a fucking paedophile. What kind of person are you?

Miss03852 · 26/12/2022 19:39

On another note what a clown 🤡 country we live in where an obvious abuser with thee separate allegations is just allowed out onto the streets with no prosecution, so he can continue to abuse women for the rest of his life.

värskekapsas · 26/12/2022 19:39

you know in your heart that these women are telling the truth.

Just logically do you really think that if you ask if that was the truth he will confess? Obviously he will be saying everything to cover up, as this is just horrible.

I've been sexually abused when I was 15 and didn't go to the police as the thought of going over and over what happened in public as well as seeing that person again horrified me. Also statistically very small percentage of sexual abuse cases actually get to court and win. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

I think if you will ignore it, you will find your self in a very bad situation some years down the line. You are saying he is already throwing things and hit you during argument, well that how it always starts.

I would also consider what will happen if you ever have a daughter together.

Whatmarbles · 26/12/2022 19:39

Nope, I wouldn't be hanging around.
3 separate individuals reporting him is pretty damning.

Eatentoomanyroses · 26/12/2022 19:40

Anonuser456 · 26/12/2022 19:33

That’s exactly what the girl on social media called him. She said he is a pedophile as she is now an adult age and has realised that she was sexually abused as a child. She said he made her feel special so she allowed him to do things but now has realised it was abuse. However I don’t see him as a pedophile though he seems far from it because he is very kind to me apart from during arguments. So I wouldn’t wanna label him as such. Also if you ask anyone who knows him they will say he’s an amazing guy very sociable and helpful to others so no one would believe he could be a pedophile. But no one would also believe he’s hit me neither.

also she said this happened years ago so even if he did that I can’t imagine he’d do that again

Show quote history

You’re a fool.

Bigdamnheroes · 26/12/2022 19:40

He is a paedophile. 3 separate women are not lying. He is already pushing your boundaries to see what he can get away with. Not with excess force?! Any force is excessive!

I was sexually abused as a child. It was a friends older brother. No one would ever think he was a paedophile either. Everyone always say how good he is with children. I'm not lying. I couldn't face court, the only person who knows his name and what he did is my therapist. But he did it and he is a paedophile. I don't know if he ever reoffended or if it was just me but it only takes once.

People like you are the reason that people like me don't speak out. You don't believe, even when multiple victims corroborate it, that he could be lying to you.

titchy · 26/12/2022 19:40

also she said this happened years ago so even if he did that I can’t imagine he’d do that again

Except he has.

Seriously, how desperate must you be to want to remain with a violent paedophile? He's raped a child, and others, (and they're the ones who reported - imagine how many didn't report him) and hits you. HE RAPED A CHILD. Say that aloud.

DottyLittleRainbow · 26/12/2022 19:40

OP, you need to leave. Would you call Women's Aid? He is a pedophile (clearly not in any isolated incident and there may well be more victims) and he is abusing you too. Do you have any children?

Pinkbonbon · 26/12/2022 19:41

It might be hard to see him as a paedophile, but he is, because he sexually assaulted a 13 year old. How nice he is to some people or the fact it was a few years ago, is irrelevant.

It might be hard to see him as abusive because he is nice sometimes. But that's called the cycle of abuse. No one would stay if they were horrible all the time. Hitting you or punching walls near you or any of that shit is abusive though.

So whether you want to think of it that way or not, he is a paedophile and he is an abuser. And you, are in danger.

BCBird · 26/12/2022 19:41

As much as you dont want to believe this it is probably true. The fact that he has hit you you know is definitely true. There is no excuse. Put yourself first and leave.

Happygirl79 · 26/12/2022 19:41

You must be a very needy person and have extremely low self esteem to be making excuses to say he is a nice person. He has probably picked you for this very reason. Run. And get help for yourself

Bobshhh · 26/12/2022 19:41

OH COME ON! Take your blinkers off and see him for what he is, an abusive pedophile.

Notsofestive1 · 26/12/2022 19:41

@Anonuser456 You need to end the relationship without a doubt. Please don’t be one of those women who turn a blind eye to things like this. I highly doubt this girl just randomly wanted to ruin his life 7 years ago and is still out to get him!! Clearly she wants to reach out to you to warn you. It goes hand in hand with him having 3 allegations against him!! And the fact he’s violent is just another massive reason to dump him.

butterfliedtwo · 26/12/2022 19:43

Nimo12 · 26/12/2022 19:26

3 women are not making it up. Plus he's shown you he's also violent. Leave him asap

This, OP. He's an abusive gaslighting twat. Get away from him.

unclebuck · 26/12/2022 19:43

Either they are all liars or he is a liar. You know he is violent and abusive. Why do you not leave?

Wanderingoff · 26/12/2022 19:43

I despair. Why would you believe the word of a man who hit you over the word of three women AND the fact he’s banned from working with children.

why would you stay?

yadaya · 26/12/2022 19:43

also she said this happened years ago so even if he did that I can’t imagine he’d do that again

But he's hit you so he's still a disgusting person

Definitelycross · 26/12/2022 19:43

Leave. Now.

Then get your own abuse noted on his record so it comes up on an enhanced check.

I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. It sounds like an absolute nightmare 🤗🤗🤗

PhilInt · 26/12/2022 19:44

I used to work in Disclosure and Barring. It is unusual to disclose something that someone was not convicted of. If it is done it's because it's believed to be of relevance (and probable but hasn't been proved in law). What are the chances that more than one person independently came forward to spite him?

Dartmoorcheffy · 26/12/2022 19:44

"I wouldn’t wanna label him as such. Also if you ask anyone who knows him they will say he’s an amazing guy very sociable and helpful to others so no one would believe he could be a pedophile"

They said that about Jimmy Savile.

Why wouldn't you believe these girls .no way is this an isolated incident or made up. And he's violent too.

Why are you even doubting this. He's dangerous and you should be getting him out of your life.

Bedazzled22 · 26/12/2022 19:44

You are starting to feel suspicious… goodness me. This makes me sad.

3 different types of sexual allegation, a ban on working with children and he has hit you but not with excess force (is that less bad then?)

Read your post with open eyes and make your plans to leave. Just because he hasnt been prosecuted doesnt mean innocence…

please leave for god’s sake!

Lexi868 · 26/12/2022 19:44

I personallybthink its true
3 separate allegations of the same crime is unlikely to be false. Why would a girl who is underage put herself in such a situation to reach out to a stranger and tell you she was abused when she was underage.
Honestly it doesn't add up and there's no smoke without fire...
What is your experience of him?
Do you wholly trust him? Does he appear someone who could potentially do this?
Don't listen to his words- go by his actions and find out for yourself because he will deny it

gamerchick · 26/12/2022 19:45

Hopefully SS will get involved if you ever breed with this person OP.

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