Partner accused of sexual abuse

[Anonuser456]

my partner has allegations of sexual abuse on his DBS in the “other” section so it only shows up on an enhanced check. I found out he has these allegations when he applied for a job a while back and was rejected due to his DBS. I found out he has 3 allegations of sexual abuse; one threatening revenge porn, one sexual assault by touching without consent, and the third was sexual interactions with an underage girl. He denies all allegations stating that the girls were all lying and had just tried to ruin his life. The allegations didn’t go further, all 3 dropped charges instead of going to court, he hasn’t been prosecuted hence why it only shows up on an enhanced check. He is also barred from working with children.

recently, the underage girl who reported him to the police got in touch with me via social media. She said she wanted to let me know that my partner sexually abused her when she was young. He was early 20’s and she was 12-13. She said there were several encounters of touching her and performing oral and obviously she was too young to consent. I showed my partner the messages and he denies it saying she is trying to ruin our relationship. He knows the girl and says she is the younger sister of the girl he once dated. He tells me to block and ignore it as it is untrue but won’t engage in a telephone conversation with the girl to discuss why she would make these false allegations.

Are they all liars because I’m starting to feel suspicious? he seems somewhat uncomfortable when discussing this and something tells me that he is lying to me as he doesn’t wish to confront the so called false accusations with the girl and would rather me just block.

I have never had any issues of sexual nature with him. He has always been respectful in that regard. However he has been physically abusive e.g. throwing things during arguments, hitting me during arguments (but not with excess force), punching walls doors furniture etc

Would you believe his word over theirs? What would you do in my situation if it was your DP, would you investigate further about the girl who’s come forward to me or block her as he says? Would you stay in a relationship with him?

note: these are all historical allegations way before we got together, around 7+ years ago these were reported and nothing since

Ah - so if someone was a paedophile a few years ago it’s all fine now

listen to yourself op

Why did all THREE drip/withdraw charges??

Intimidation?

Do you not think you're worth more than staying with a man who is violent to you?

If your best friend or sister were treated like this by their partner, wouldn't you do all you could to help them see that it's not ok and support them getting free of him?

So why are you not worthy of the same freedom?

You don't owe anyone a relationship. You don't owe anyone violent the time of day. There's no excuse for it. None. Get out, protect yourself.

Just read your update. You really need to cop on and stop excusing a child rapist.

Same response I had after reading that, honestly shocking.

'he’s an amazing guy' - no he's not , 'an amazing guy' wouldn't beat you up.
Are you asking people on here to defend him?
How much clearer do people have to be ?
Do you really believe 3 girls would make false accusations against him ?

Absolutely this.

Totally agree. Repulsive making excuses for a paedophile.

Hm. Your self-esteem must be non-existent if you even contemplate this as a dilemma. It isn't. He's a pervert. A violent pervert. How worse could it get?

Well of course he's amazing, sociable and helpful

Contrary to the movies it's not the wierdo loners grooming the teenager's, you have to have a certain amoumt of sociable charm to get the teenage girls interested in the first place

Okay, have now read this. What do you think paedophiles look like or act like? Do you think they are moody or abusive to people when they want to get near their kids? Paedophiles are very often friendly and helpful, they gain your trust, they groom you and then your children so that the child thinks that on some level it's their fault. The child also thinks who will believe them when everyone says how great 'Bob' is.

He’s nice to you except during arguments…

but isnt that how manipulators work? they are nice, draw people in, hurt them, abuse them, then nice again …

would you ever make up a sexual abuse allegation like that about someone? No? Neither would I. So why would she?

@Anonuser456 Your update is very concerning. If you really must stay with an abusive sexual abuser then please please please do NOT have a child with him.

Your bar is set exceedingly low, OP. Did you grow up in an abusive family?

How much older is he than you @Anonuser456

Interesting first post. Glad you came here for advice......

Yes I was thinking that too

With that last response, you deserve whats coming to you.

So you do think he may have sexually abused a child but are prepared to give him a pass even if it's true because it was a long time ago? Fucking sick.

1. The fact he is not convicted is almost certainly due to the shit show that is our legal system plus the fact that as children these women were ill equipped to seek justice and provide evidence, not because multiple women randomly decided to tell lies about this one particular man.
2. An adult who engages in sexual contact with a 12 year old is a paedophile.
3. He hits you.

There are literally billions of men on the planet. Billions. Almost all of them would be a better bet than this bastard. I am assuming you probably have some horrific backstory yourself that renders you vulnerable to men like this. Please seek help before this man either kills you or you end up procreating with a paedophile.

Sorry. Was replying to OP @Anonuser456 and her suggestion that he doesn't seem like a paedophile etc.

Your response claiming you don't see him as a paedophile is absolutely disgusting.
Your partner is a sex offender banned from working with children. Your attempt to excuse the behaviour is shocking. Take a look at what you've written and sort yourself out.

Reading all these responses has made me see a lot of sense. And the people who said about my self esteem being low you are so right. I needed this clarity from you all. I needed this response to help me leave him. Because no I don’t trust him after finding out all this. And it is scary when he gets super angry and lashes out. but honestly I am so attached to this man even after an argument and he hits me I still beg him to stay and tell him I’m sorry for making him angry. I am starting to realise I have a very bad expectation of relationships

The mention of him treating her well...umm yeah, that's called grooming. It's what man paedophile do.

I wonder if she was one of the original 3 girls who reported him. She might be a fourth.

Sorry but you are a gullible idiot if you believe him. Do you really believe 3 people are lying and he's telling the truth?!! That girl is looking out for you not trying to get at him. He is a child abuser and violent. You would be an absolute twat if you stay with this sex offender....... I can't believe you're even questioning it

OP start making a plan to leave him. Just because a charge is dropped, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Most women don’t report sexual assault or abuse because sadly they know it won’t stand up in court or they’ll be accused of lying and how do you prove it happened when it’s your word against his? He’s violent towards you. Abusers are very good at putting on a front of being kind and wonderful and lovely to everyone else. Please, for your own safety, leave.