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Original poster

Partner accused of sexual abuse

329 replies

Anonuser456 · 26/12/2022 19:19

my partner has allegations of sexual abuse on his DBS in the “other” section so it only shows up on an enhanced check. I found out he has these allegations when he applied for a job a while back and was rejected due to his DBS. I found out he has 3 allegations of sexual abuse; one threatening revenge porn, one sexual assault by touching without consent, and the third was sexual interactions with an underage girl. He denies all allegations stating that the girls were all lying and had just tried to ruin his life. The allegations didn’t go further, all 3 dropped charges instead of going to court, he hasn’t been prosecuted hence why it only shows up on an enhanced check. He is also barred from working with children.

recently, the underage girl who reported him to the police got in touch with me via social media. She said she wanted to let me know that my partner sexually abused her when she was young. He was early 20’s and she was 12-13. She said there were several encounters of touching her and performing oral and obviously she was too young to consent. I showed my partner the messages and he denies it saying she is trying to ruin our relationship. He knows the girl and says she is the younger sister of the girl he once dated. He tells me to block and ignore it as it is untrue but won’t engage in a telephone conversation with the girl to discuss why she would make these false allegations.

Are they all liars because I’m starting to feel suspicious? he seems somewhat uncomfortable when discussing this and something tells me that he is lying to me as he doesn’t wish to confront the so called false accusations with the girl and would rather me just block.

I have never had any issues of sexual nature with him. He has always been respectful in that regard. However he has been physically abusive e.g. throwing things during arguments, hitting me during arguments (but not with excess force), punching walls doors furniture etc

Would you believe his word over theirs? What would you do in my situation if it was your DP, would you investigate further about the girl who’s come forward to me or block her as he says? Would you stay in a relationship with him?

note: these are all historical allegations way before we got together, around 7+ years ago these were reported and nothing since

OP posts:
Miss03852 · 26/12/2022 19:32

Wow he’s absolute scum. And considering most women don’t come forward about sexual abuse this is probably the tip of the iceberg.

Bobbybobbins · 26/12/2022 19:32

OP you need to leave this abusive man

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/12/2022 19:32

OP I am guessing you have grown up in a setting where male abuse of women is normal, but it isn’t.

Being hit is not normal. The idea that there is OK violence and then ‘excessive’ violence is bizarre. All violence is excessive.

Imagining that 3 separate sets of abuse allegations could be women coincidentally lying is bizarre.

Leave this man. And take a look at the freedom programme.

sweatervest · 26/12/2022 19:33

have you asked the police for a disclosure under claire's law? there might be even more stuff he hasn't told you about.

you have enough concerns to warrant it.

Reugny · 26/12/2022 19:33

You know two women are killed every week by a partner/ex-partner?

When did he last hit you?

As you need to add to those allegations to stop them just being historic and leave.

You will then protect yourself from being killed or seriously injured, and then anyone else he decides to get in a relationship with.

Happygirl79 · 26/12/2022 19:33

Get rid of him

This isn't a coincidence. Three girls. Huge red flags and he has already hit you?
Why are you asking opinions here?
You already know what you have to do

Original poster
Anonuser456 · 26/12/2022 19:33

pinneddownbytabbies · 26/12/2022 19:28

Are you aware of just how few accusations like this ever actually make it to court, and why? The CPS and the police tend to back off because they aren't easy to prove, and the women and girls can't face the thought of having to go to court - not because they didn't happen.

You have avoided the use of the word 'paedophile' I notice. Why?

That’s exactly what the girl on social media called him. She said he is a pedophile as she is now an adult age and has realised that she was sexually abused as a child. She said he made her feel special so she allowed him to do things but now has realised it was abuse. However I don’t see him as a pedophile though he seems far from it because he is very kind to me apart from during arguments. So I wouldn’t wanna label him as such. Also if you ask anyone who knows him they will say he’s an amazing guy very sociable and helpful to others so no one would believe he could be a pedophile. But no one would also believe he’s hit me neither.

also she said this happened years ago so even if he did that I can’t imagine he’d do that again

OP posts:
blacksax · 26/12/2022 19:33

A man has all these accusations against him and has been violent and aggressive towards you? I bet he was violent and aggressive towards them too, so they were too scared to go to court.

TabithaTittlemouse · 26/12/2022 19:34

One person maybe, three no chance.

Do you have dc?

RomeoOscarXrayIndigoEcho · 26/12/2022 19:34

Do you really, honestly believe that 3 separate women are lying?

Also he HIT you. That's enough to leave without any other of the massive red flags that are on display.

SouperNoodle · 26/12/2022 19:34

3 different women are unlikely to be lying.
He hits you.
He's a liar.
He's a sexual predator.

Leave him.

Theunamedcat · 26/12/2022 19:34

Look my ex is the same three allegations plus he still has his girlfriend CONVINCED that three plus unrelated people who have never even MET are mental and make allegations about him "becos I'm a gud person" and they "take advantage of my gud nature"

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 26/12/2022 19:35

Ltb.

Theunamedcat · 26/12/2022 19:35

He is guilty btw

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 26/12/2022 19:35

Your boyfriend is a sexual offender, child abuser and domestic abuser. Pretend he's not if you want but you'll fuck your life if you do.

SpentDandelion · 26/12/2022 19:36

Run like hell.
These accusations are deeply disturbing, also the fact he is violent towards you. Something is very wrong, and it's worrying that he hasn't been held accountable, how many more women could he have assaulted?

Pinkbonbon · 26/12/2022 19:36

So hes a paedophile and an abuser. Get your skates on and get away as fast and far as your legs will carry you

'A sister of an ex' lmao aye right. What a bellend.

Op he is a nasty piece of work, it's obvious he us lying and even if he never hurt anyone else, he is abusing you. You don't need any more proof. You need to give yourself permission to leave.

Because you matter, your feelings are valid and no one has the right to intimidate (punching walls near you) or abuse anyone.

Run.

SuspiciousMind33 · 26/12/2022 19:37

Anonuser456 · 26/12/2022 19:33

That’s exactly what the girl on social media called him. She said he is a pedophile as she is now an adult age and has realised that she was sexually abused as a child. She said he made her feel special so she allowed him to do things but now has realised it was abuse. However I don’t see him as a pedophile though he seems far from it because he is very kind to me apart from during arguments. So I wouldn’t wanna label him as such. Also if you ask anyone who knows him they will say he’s an amazing guy very sociable and helpful to others so no one would believe he could be a pedophile. But no one would also believe he’s hit me neither.

also she said this happened years ago so even if he did that I can’t imagine he’d do that again

Show quote history

Wow, this response actually makes me feel sick. You're being disgusting.

Tiredmum100 · 26/12/2022 19:37

Anonuser456 · 26/12/2022 19:33

That’s exactly what the girl on social media called him. She said he is a pedophile as she is now an adult age and has realised that she was sexually abused as a child. She said he made her feel special so she allowed him to do things but now has realised it was abuse. However I don’t see him as a pedophile though he seems far from it because he is very kind to me apart from during arguments. So I wouldn’t wanna label him as such. Also if you ask anyone who knows him they will say he’s an amazing guy very sociable and helpful to others so no one would believe he could be a pedophile. But no one would also believe he’s hit me neither.

also she said this happened years ago so even if he did that I can’t imagine he’d do that again

Show quote history

That's all ok then, he wouldn't do it now, and he's only violent during arguments 🙄

Oh my god, leave him for gods sake.

GoAgainstNicki · 26/12/2022 19:37

Do you even need to ask? Good Lord

Miss03852 · 26/12/2022 19:37

She said he made her feel special so she allowed him to do things but now has realised it was abuse. However I don’t see him as a pedophile though he seems far from it because he is very kind to me apart from during arguments.

Yes that’s called grooming, that’s how pedophiles operate, they manipulate their victims to think it’s normal

pinneddownbytabbies · 26/12/2022 19:37

Anonuser456 · 26/12/2022 19:33

That’s exactly what the girl on social media called him. She said he is a pedophile as she is now an adult age and has realised that she was sexually abused as a child. She said he made her feel special so she allowed him to do things but now has realised it was abuse. However I don’t see him as a pedophile though he seems far from it because he is very kind to me apart from during arguments. So I wouldn’t wanna label him as such. Also if you ask anyone who knows him they will say he’s an amazing guy very sociable and helpful to others so no one would believe he could be a pedophile. But no one would also believe he’s hit me neither.

also she said this happened years ago so even if he did that I can’t imagine he’d do that again

Show quote history

Just because you don't want to call him a paedophile it doesn't stop him being one.

It does not matter how long ago it was, or how nice everybody thinks he is, or how lovely he is towards you - when he's not hitting you, that is.

Stop sticking your head in the sand.

Eatentoomanyroses · 26/12/2022 19:38

Run. Run fast and block him on everything.
He hit you. That’s enough. I suspect the girls will be telling the truth. Even he hadn’t hit you and even if my some miracle the girls were lying, he’s got something on his record that’s going to impact on his employability and if you marry him and start a family that affects you and your financial situation. Seriously if it’s a choice between a man like this and nobody you’d be better off alone. Women would do better to think much more sensibly when choosing life partners.

AnnieSnap · 26/12/2022 19:38

Hitting always constitutes “excessive force” and allegations from 3 different women/girls? It’s a pattern. He’s an abusive sex offender. Leave him.

TedMullins · 26/12/2022 19:38

If ONE person made an allegation about my partner I’d leave, let alone three. I’d also leave someone who hit me. He is an abuser, to you and to these women. And he is a paedophile. It doesn’t matter if you don’t “see him” as one - they’re not all greasy old men in trench coats.

Please get some therapy and work on why you think any of this is acceptable in a relationship. The hitting you should have been enough of a reason to end it, let alone the allegations. He’s vile.