Partner accused of sexual abuse

[Anonuser456]

my partner has allegations of sexual abuse on his DBS in the “other” section so it only shows up on an enhanced check. I found out he has these allegations when he applied for a job a while back and was rejected due to his DBS. I found out he has 3 allegations of sexual abuse; one threatening revenge porn, one sexual assault by touching without consent, and the third was sexual interactions with an underage girl. He denies all allegations stating that the girls were all lying and had just tried to ruin his life. The allegations didn’t go further, all 3 dropped charges instead of going to court, he hasn’t been prosecuted hence why it only shows up on an enhanced check. He is also barred from working with children.

recently, the underage girl who reported him to the police got in touch with me via social media. She said she wanted to let me know that my partner sexually abused her when she was young. He was early 20’s and she was 12-13. She said there were several encounters of touching her and performing oral and obviously she was too young to consent. I showed my partner the messages and he denies it saying she is trying to ruin our relationship. He knows the girl and says she is the younger sister of the girl he once dated. He tells me to block and ignore it as it is untrue but won’t engage in a telephone conversation with the girl to discuss why she would make these false allegations.

Are they all liars because I’m starting to feel suspicious? he seems somewhat uncomfortable when discussing this and something tells me that he is lying to me as he doesn’t wish to confront the so called false accusations with the girl and would rather me just block.

I have never had any issues of sexual nature with him. He has always been respectful in that regard. However he has been physically abusive e.g. throwing things during arguments, hitting me during arguments (but not with excess force), punching walls doors furniture etc

Would you believe his word over theirs? What would you do in my situation if it was your DP, would you investigate further about the girl who’s come forward to me or block her as he says? Would you stay in a relationship with him?

note: these are all historical allegations way before we got together, around 7+ years ago these were reported and nothing since

Firstly I'm sorry you are involved with snd having a child with a man who has been accused of sexual abuse of children and is violent to you . I'm also sorry to hear you are having a child with him .

Do you know how hard it is to report abuse and go through courts . Many reports don't end in convictions because of this . But it won't get to court in the first place if there wasn't evidence to support the allegation . You have been told because a person feels strongly you should know .

Regarding your child you must tell your midwife or gp or you could be accused of protecting him and putting your baby at risk . If a potential employer knows then somewhere a health professional will also check and it's better that you tell them first . He is barred from working with children so they will want to ensure he is safe with his own child . You mention he spends time with family children , there may be an agreement that he is supervised to do this .

He is aggressive , has been accused of sexual abuse , can't get employment due to his behaviour and has ultimately told you he is the victim against these "evil others" .

Accept that this relationship is less than you deserve , protect your baby by telling your midwife and keep away from him .
He is not a good option , and many abusive men put on a good show . That's how they get away with it
I'm sorry you are going through this x

I think we are all talking to ourselves here. The OP is clearly not listening to our advice

I agree that this thread should be deleted. The OP didn't get the advice she wanted to hear and isn't listening. We are all wasting our time giving advice. Some people just can not be helped.

I don’t think the thread should be deleted.

When OP is back next year posting “my boyfriend is physically abusing me, doesn’t lift a finger for our baby, and it’s gotten worse now that I’m pregnant again and SS are involved”, a lot of posters would prefer to find this thread via advanced search so they know not to bother spending their time advising this woman when she’ll constantly just justify her reasons for staying with an abuser over protecting her child.

Poor kid.