I Love my Wife.

[GunnerRyan1968]

I don't know where to start, So the thread title is my opening.
I really love my wife with all my heart we have been through real tough times and also some great times, but over the last 10 years or so have drifted apart. we used to be inseparable, but not in each others pockets but now it's different and I'm worried about our future.

My wife has been through the menopause which was hard for her, i supported her through this and it meant that our physical relationship deteriorated. unfortunately this kept deteriorating until we now do not have intercourse unless Santa is due (If you get my meaning) I am still very fit and active physically so struggle with this, as in my head/mirror i am still 21 and want/need that closeness daily.

I have tried thousands of times to discuss this with her, so that we can find ways forward that are acceptable to her, but she dismisses me out of hand with comments that are quite hurtful like "You shouldn't be thinking of things like that at your age" I know she loves me, but to me it's like she is saying "The shop is closed get over it!" It's causing a huge strain, but i am fiercely loyal to her and would never look elsewhere. I'm just looking to rekindle a little of what we had before. Thoughts?

I pretty much want sex all day long everyday (typical man).

Erm....

Merry Christmas.....
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Oh you’re back to be deliberately unpleasant again are you 🙄

lovely

I think the disparity of sexual appetite between men and women especially in later life is a huge elephant in the room. There sadly is no squaring it. If they are to stay married in a monogamous relationship then either one person gives in and gives up their body to the other as a selfless gesture or the other goes without.

this is what we are looking at.

The only alternative is to let sex or the lack of it split you up, which is also a big shame as on so many other levels the couple may have a completely functional and emotionally supportive relationship.

realistically though a person who needs sex everyday is in my view embarking on it as a mechanical function. Not there to build up the intimacy of the relationship or as an expression of love but as something to ‘offload’.

it’d be sad to break up an otherwise good marriage because one party could not go without this physical ‘means to an end’ type sex that they could, by the sounds of it, be having with anyone.

maybe the wife knows this and that’s why she’s not interested. It’s not very personal.

I'm 42 and peri-menopausal

I hate sex have no interest whatsoever

It's painful and I'm not in the mood - I have 2 young kids, work 4 days a week and to be honest I'm run ragged with it all.

Partner is very supportive and understands how I'm feeling and is an all round lovely person so I just told him.

@FurAndFeathers You seem to have a problem with humour.

And I'm not the only one to say you're being very vociferous.

there is definitely a culture of pressuring mature women to continue having sex as long as possible and it hints that the ‘right’ way to feel about sex is the same way as you felt when you were 25.

Definitely agree with that. There is no norm when it comes to desire - we are all different - and to medicalise the "problem" is not acceptable. The problem is incompatibility of sex drive - that is not a medical problem - it is nature.

How sad.. sex in your 40s can be the best ever

Nature has also ensured men are more likely to have erectile difficulties as they get older alongside the women. That's also nature, yet men can take medications to overcome this then expect their wives to keep up.

Completely agree. I'm menopausal/post-meno? On HRT
My sex drive is very healthy indeed especially since HRT solved the insomnia that was ruining my life.

Maybe it's easy to forget what not having sex when you want it is like. It's not quite as simple as an 'offload' although that's part of it. It's an ongoing tension and tbh misery that really does make life worse, along with the intense feeling of neglect from having no physical touch.

Tbh more than one man I've met in a similar situation has said he'd put up with no sex if there were touch and physical intimacy. But I feel for the women who have always found if they so much as hold hands with their partner they find them moving straight to sex. It takes some very frank talking to try and solve that one.