I Love my Wife.

[GunnerRyan1968]

I don't know where to start, So the thread title is my opening.
I really love my wife with all my heart we have been through real tough times and also some great times, but over the last 10 years or so have drifted apart. we used to be inseparable, but not in each others pockets but now it's different and I'm worried about our future.

My wife has been through the menopause which was hard for her, i supported her through this and it meant that our physical relationship deteriorated. unfortunately this kept deteriorating until we now do not have intercourse unless Santa is due (If you get my meaning) I am still very fit and active physically so struggle with this, as in my head/mirror i am still 21 and want/need that closeness daily.

I have tried thousands of times to discuss this with her, so that we can find ways forward that are acceptable to her, but she dismisses me out of hand with comments that are quite hurtful like "You shouldn't be thinking of things like that at your age" I know she loves me, but to me it's like she is saying "The shop is closed get over it!" It's causing a huge strain, but i am fiercely loyal to her and would never look elsewhere. I'm just looking to rekindle a little of what we had before. Thoughts?

@PrincessConstance So what's your advice to the op?

huge amount of random posters popping up on threads to tell us this

isnt this an anonymous forum? Arent we all, by default, random posters?

Just stand in your truth and say it with your chest, men shouldn't get to complain. Suffer in silence etc yadi yada

I really think that the problem is often about some men wanting sex all the time, as OP admits.

There might be a lot of women who might be able to enjoy sex if they knew that it was not simply going to lead to more and more demands that they are not able to meet.

The expectation by some men that the bonk-a-day (or more) that is part of youth and a new relationship might continue throughout life is crazy and unsustainable.

all I did was ask a question

aye, right. And slander the OP for “pissing and moaning” for daring to be upset his wife wants no physical affection or intimacy with him and refuses to talk about it.

nothing obnoxious or personally attacking about that is there?

you’re either blisteringly unselfaware or faux-innocent.

Only on Mumsnet would this be seen as a reasonable response to a man being concerned his wife wants no physical intimacy and refuses to discuss it with him.

do you genuinely think this is what the NHS is for? Or that any reasonable medical professional would prescribe in these circumstances?

honestly some suggestions here are nuttier that squirrel shit

“In some cases, your doctor may recommend medications to reduce sexual urges, including:

corticosteroids
chemotherapy or radiation
hormones for prostate cancer
opioids like morphine (MorphaBond) and oxycodone (OxyContin)
ketoconazole, an antifungal medication
cimetidine (Tagamet), for heartburn and reflux conditions
anabolic steroids for building muscle
antidepressants”

aye those’ll fix your communication and intimacy issues 🙄

Did you actually read the post you quoted fur? It doesn't suggest men being medicated is a reasonable response at all

I think op has been getting a mixed response because he writes peculiar things like this
I pretty much want sex all day long everyday (Typical man) and have been a sperm-doner for many years due to my count

It's not a "typical man" to want sex all day every day and noone is interested in his super sperm.

Unfortunately many of us have had experience of men with this kind of attitude and its pretty high pressure. Lots of women find it kills their libido stone dead.

It's hard to say with written communication but you are coming across as super confrontational and you're getting a bit personal now. We're just having a conversation aren't we? If you can't be civil with someone who hasn't previously taken a tone with you or been rude, but has simply expressed a different opinion, then maybe you need to take a step back.

Well I wouldn’t suggest that HRT properly prescribed by a healthcare professional is equivalent to opioids, CCS or other drugs not licensed to reduce libido (though I agree that no one should take meds unless they want to)

my nuttier than squirrel shit comment was in response to the original post

Interesting that you don’t feel able to answer straightforward questions 🙄

What are you talking about? I would absolutely be happy to have a civil, good faith discussion even if we do disagree, but you are being rude and combative so it's just an unpleasant experience at this point and it's not how I want to spend the day before Christmas Eve so I'm out. Have fun arguing with strangers online 👍

Well it’s difficult to have any sort of discussion when you cast aspersions to avoid answering perfectly reasonable questions

but then you also believe that it’s reasonable for the OP’s to not want to discuss her decision to remove sex and affection from their relationship with.

seems like open and straightforward discussion is not something you’re keen to support

This is the best advice I've ever seen on MN.
Praise Jesus 🙌🏾🤣🤣🤣🤣

Why would anyone want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want that?

What kind of person pushes other person to have sex?

What is the person who doesn’t want it (man or a woman) supposed to do, allow their partner to rape them?

The problem with these threads most of time is, they get flooded with people (men and women) who feel entitled to sex (and sadly this make them feel superior from those who don’t see sex necessity) no matter what, and they are not helpfull at all because what is there left? Tell op to rape their partner?
And that’s why we have a thread filled with shit comments like most of the comments here are.

It’s always horrible to read (I hope mahority of them aren’t women) pressuring someone to have sex, of course they claim that’s what they are doing, though it is.
It wasn’t this bad few years ago.

Oh, and of course we’re man hater if we don’t want women to raped, never forget.

Please point to any post on this thread that has advocated for rape? You are literally making things up.

honestly I stand by my earlier remark. Nuttier than squirrel shit

Anyone in this situation just needs to make a decision to stay or go.

You can’t force it and she may never want to again. What next?

He either accepts the sexual side of the marriage is over for now or indefinitely.
Or he files for divorce and attempts to find someone more in tune with his sexual needs.

Or they could have a conversation and seek therapy 🤷‍♀️

It always amazes me that there are still some men who think they'll get a decent response to their issues posting on this forum. The sex ones always go the same way - people talking about sex pests and entitlement etc.

OP you are unhappy in your relationship and your wife is stonewalling you about it. That is not okay regardless of who is in the right or wrong about the issue you want to discuss. My advice is to book some relationship counselling at a time you know your wife is available and invite her along. Even if she says no, go by yourself anyway, as you may find it helpful in moving forward. Sadly marriages take two to keep going but only one to end.

Telling someone to have sex they don’t want.
It’s scary how people fon’t see that.
And you’re calling other’s, whatever it was you tried to say there.

And you conveniently. avoided answering the questions.

Wht kind of person wants sex with someone who doesn’t want it.

Maybe focus an actual issue than name calling anyone who disagrees with you.

Well for men who want sex all day every day, and who probably have wives bored shitless with this after years and years, why would you recommend a councellor who will presumably try and coerce the woman into giving in to the bad sex all day, every day?

Creep vibes. I would love to get your wife’s take on the situation.

If there is a wife.

🤮🤮🤮

I dream of someday seeing just one of these threads in which posters focus on giving their advice to the OP, instead of jumping at the chance to froth about how terrible MN is in general because A Man received unsympathetic advice. Maybe if you just added your sympathetic and sensible advice to the thread, it would balance out the less supportive posts and the OP could make up his mind about which bits are most useful to him.

But I'm not the boss of the internet yet.