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Original poster

Should I send one last text?

126 replies

Swimawayyy · 20/12/2022 19:57

Hi
ive been seeing a guy for a couple of months. We had a conversation last week about where this was going and both agreed that we enjoy each others company but neither of us is in the right headspace yet for a relationship.
he’s having a tough time at the moment. He’s incredibly busy at work and the anniversary of his sisters death is coming up just after Christmas, and he’s been unwell.
I last saw him a week ago and I spoke to him on the phone 3 days ago and things seemed ok.
Ive texted him twice since and had no reply. The last was 2 nights ago just saying goodnight and that I hoped he was ok. I know he’s read the message.

I don’t know if he’s ignoring me (but why?) or he’s just super busy, but he’s never been too busy not to reply to a text before, or if it’s something else. I suppose I need to know if he’s just decided he doesn’t want to see me anymore.

i want to reach out one last time - but I know if I do I’ll be checking my phone every 5 minutes for a reply. And I don’t know how to word it. I was thinking of waiting until after Christmas and sending one around his sisters anniversary? But this is driving me crazy and I’m not sure if I should text tonight?

please help xx

OP posts:
ShandaLear · 20/12/2022 20:18

Sorry cross post - well done. Can you block him on WhatsApp and then he won’t show in the group chat?

Mrshanklee · 20/12/2022 20:18

Just accept what you have discussed. It’s not going anywhere and he isn’t in the right headspace. Let it be and just enjoy Christmas

Sallytobleroney · 20/12/2022 20:20

Can you leave the WhatsApp Group? Or if not, one option is to come back on this thread instead of messaging him. You can do this!

surreygirl1987 · 20/12/2022 20:21

Noooooooo don't do it!

Mehmeh22 · 20/12/2022 20:21

If uou block him on WhatsApp then you wont see messages on groups either. And he won't see yours. I'd personally archive the group for now.

In answer to grief and relationships. I met my husband 3 weeks before his dad died. He didn't stop contact- i was the person he went to. The fact he's not done that shows he's just not into you.

This fecking website is messing up my typing...it's not me, I promise!

Original poster
Swimawayyy · 20/12/2022 20:33

Mehmeh22 · 20/12/2022 20:21

If uou block him on WhatsApp then you wont see messages on groups either. And he won't see yours. I'd personally archive the group for now.

In answer to grief and relationships. I met my husband 3 weeks before his dad died. He didn't stop contact- i was the person he went to. The fact he's not done that shows he's just not into you.

This fecking website is messing up my typing...it's not me, I promise!

Funny you should say… a couple of months ago, when we first started going out, he really opened up to me about his sister, and his feelings and I felt really close to him.
we’ve had some lovely dates so this ignoring my texts thing has come as a real surprise.
just last week he was telling me how much he enjoyed my company

bloody men!!

OP posts:
Sunnytwobridges · 20/12/2022 20:39

Nah dont do it. if he really wanted to be in contact you he would. He's not that interested I'm afraid to say.

Opentooffers · 20/12/2022 21:04

I know you say you both agreed, but it sounds like it's more him than you as you then go on to list his headspace problems and not yours.
Whatever, it was a conversation about ending things and you say you agreed to that. This usually means moving on and not contacting each other, which is what he is doing and you should do the same.

FruHagen · 20/12/2022 21:07

I did not need to read your post to know the answer. From the title alone, no.

Willowswood · 20/12/2022 21:08

Just block him on whatsapp, that's all you need to do now x

SacreBlue · 20/12/2022 21:12

Ditto all PP saying don’t bother yourself.

He’ll show by his actions what he wants & even if he replied to a text, sure it’d be just words you’d get back, and he could say anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

Get on with your own stuff, the longer his lack of action, the greater his lack of interest and ergo the less worthy of your concern.

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 21:13

Stay strong. That text will chip away at your sense of dignity and will just prolong the inevitable.

His silence is an answer in itself. Take it for what it is.

I've been in your shoes so many times and never has sending that extra text lead to anything good.

JustKittenAround · 20/12/2022 23:39

I’m glad you won’t message him. Please keep strong.

I find that when men (reckon women as well) aren’t interested or have found someone else they will suddenly have all sorts of emotionally charged stuff come up that will explain their lack of contact.

they will state depression, deaths, anniversary of deaths, and sickness. All things that you would be unlikely to press on and will actually elicit sympathy and concern from you.

You have to be understanding and stay open to help… it’s just really messed up.

Trust me, it takes a couple seconds to shoot over a “I’m fine, going through things and will message you later, thanks”

And yes I get that people go through stuff. I myself have. But it is unfortunately a very common tactic used by the cowardly.

You reached out and that is that. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. You did what you could do, and there is something freeing about letting go and knowing you did what you could while keeping your dignity.

Charlieiscool · 20/12/2022 23:48

Step away from your phone

Glindara · 21/12/2022 08:25

JustKittenAround · 20/12/2022 23:39

I’m glad you won’t message him. Please keep strong.

I find that when men (reckon women as well) aren’t interested or have found someone else they will suddenly have all sorts of emotionally charged stuff come up that will explain their lack of contact.

they will state depression, deaths, anniversary of deaths, and sickness. All things that you would be unlikely to press on and will actually elicit sympathy and concern from you.

You have to be understanding and stay open to help… it’s just really messed up.

Trust me, it takes a couple seconds to shoot over a “I’m fine, going through things and will message you later, thanks”

And yes I get that people go through stuff. I myself have. But it is unfortunately a very common tactic used by the cowardly.

You reached out and that is that. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. You did what you could do, and there is something freeing about letting go and knowing you did what you could while keeping your dignity.

Agree with this - but even if it’s true that he is dealing with the anniversary of his sisters death (often the weeks leading up to it are worse than the day as events are relived especially if it is around Xmas) - then it’s rude and emotionally intrusive of you to keep texting. He may be very raw and consumed with grief and connecting to his family. Just take it on face value.

But he has said / both agreed no relationship so what’s the point?

Hearmeout · 21/12/2022 09:33

Also, not texting will have a more positive effect on him that texting. You're matching his energy right now and as another poster said, you're giving him emotional space too. Both of which stand you in good stead if this revives in 2023. It shows you're a person who respects boundaries which is always a good thing.

Original poster
Swimawayyy · 21/12/2022 10:42

Hearmeout · 21/12/2022 09:33

Also, not texting will have a more positive effect on him that texting. You're matching his energy right now and as another poster said, you're giving him emotional space too. Both of which stand you in good stead if this revives in 2023. It shows you're a person who respects boundaries which is always a good thing.

Thank you for this.
it has helped me see things from a different perspective x

OP posts:
Original poster
Swimawayyy · 21/12/2022 10:42

Glindara · 21/12/2022 08:25

Agree with this - but even if it’s true that he is dealing with the anniversary of his sisters death (often the weeks leading up to it are worse than the day as events are relived especially if it is around Xmas) - then it’s rude and emotionally intrusive of you to keep texting. He may be very raw and consumed with grief and connecting to his family. Just take it on face value.

But he has said / both agreed no relationship so what’s the point?

Show quote history

Thank you for this too

OP posts:
Original poster
Swimawayyy · 21/12/2022 17:54

So he’s just texted me… asking how I am and how was my day?

what do I do???

OP posts:
Original poster
Swimawayyy · 21/12/2022 17:55

It’s 3 days since he ignored my message saying goodnight and that I hoped he was ok

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 21/12/2022 17:58

I'd ignore, personally. I don't see the point in the "let's stay friends" behaviour. Clean break, move on, allow yourself to be open to a new relationship where you're both ready for a relationship.

TheDuchessOfMN · 21/12/2022 17:59

I know some would consider this childish, but if you are going to reply to him, I’d wait a day or two. Don’t take his crumbs.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 21/12/2022 17:59

Swimawayyy · 21/12/2022 17:54

So he’s just texted me… asking how I am and how was my day?

what do I do???

I’d personally just ignore him. Life is too short waiting around for him to drop you crumbs when he feels like it. Block his number too.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 21/12/2022 18:00

Justmuddlingalong · 21/12/2022 17:58

I'd ignore, personally. I don't see the point in the "let's stay friends" behaviour. Clean break, move on, allow yourself to be open to a new relationship where you're both ready for a relationship.

I agree with this.

TheDuchessOfMN · 21/12/2022 18:00

Actually, I agree too. I’d ignore him.