Man I'm seeing has 3 children with 3 different mothers. Red flag?

[tinderexplorer]

I have been on 2 dates with this man. He is 36. He has dropped a bit of a bombshell and I am not sure how to proceed. He has 3 DCs with 3 women. He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them. They are 12, 10 and 6. I did not press him about why the relationships he had with the DCs mums didn't work out. I am now wondering what has gone on with his prior relationships. I also wonder if the DCs were planned or not. I thought there was potential after the first date but not I am not sure. It's put me off him a bit honestly.

Will do! Happy Christmas to you and yours.

This was a good exchange, we have debated and discussed, agreed somewhat different stances but finished wishing each other a happy Christmas!

Definite red flag. I feel it shows a total lack of responsibility to his kids and their mums!!

Reminds me of Dorothy Parker's

"Don't put all your eggs in one bastard".

You’re really asking.

Surely you’ve said ‘Bye’ since you first posted.
Raise your standards from now on. Don’t be fooled by this fellow.

I would never ever pursue a relationship with someone who has three children with three different people, and yes, that applies equally if we were talking about a woman with three kids with three different fathers.

Making what seems to be a good decision to have a child with someone who seems to be a decent person but who then turns out to be awful, is the sort of thing that could happen once to an intelligent person. Three times? Sorry, but the person is probably a flake who makes poor decisions in life and/or is the cause of problems in their relationships due to being hard to live with and hard to get on with.

Also, if you have two kids with two different people, that is your cue to “focus your time and energy on raising properly the two kids you have already got,” not to spend time and energy pursuing new relationships and making more kids, and further complicating things for the kids you already have and who already have quite a bit of complication to deal with.

I’m not sure why “Kate Winslett and Madonna” are considered to constitute some sort of compelling counter-argument? Hollywood stars are mostly flakes and the worst relationship material in the world, as their extremely high rates of relationship breakup suggests, so no I bloody well would not date either of them if I was into women. (Also, last time I checked Madonna was putting photographs of her arsehole all over the media, so maybe not the stable person in general.)

If you’re feeling like that after second date …. I think we both know it’s a no .

I wouldn't go anywhere near him.

He would have had to split the first mum either before the birth or soon after, and got someone else pregnant very quickly afterwards.

He then thought it was a good idea to get someone else pregnant within 3 years of that.

He doesn't sound like someone who thinks ahead or about consequences. His contact visit schedule would be interesting!

RUN!

I had a relationship with a man with two DC with two different exes. He didn't have the maturity to manage these relationships well at all. I also grilled him about his relationship breakdowns when we first met, and he told me versions of the truth which made him sound like the victim. He wasn't.
Also, with 3 kids already, does he want more? Do you want children? How does he find the time and money to support his existing kids, let alone your future children?
And you must find out what's going on with the exes as it's likely you'll have to deal with all 3 of them too, as well as their children. And potentially their parents...
Think about yourself and your wellbeing first and foremost. And how you can build the life you want without having to make such as huge compromise. We need to know our limits before we know how far we can compromise.
Step very, very carefully.

Women need to stop enabling these seed spreaders and adding themselves to the his hiefer herd.

Your offspring is probably the most important, time heavy, emotion heavy, massive investment you make in life; they deserve better, and you deserve better.

I can understand why very rich men might get women happy to add themselves to the herd, but Joe Bloggs ...come on.

I'm going againt the grain here.

Ultimately, the women are the ones who decide whether or not they are going to have a child. You don't know whether there was contraceptive failure or not. The best thing to do is to ask.

I know plenty of men who have fathered a single child and don't give a rat's are about the child.

The circumstances aren't ideal but then life isn't ideal. If he is seeing his children, at least he is making the effort.

Please don't be do quick too judge until you have all the facts.

Plenty of women would be in the same scenario if abortion was not available, so I think we need to stop being so uppity.

For the record, I have two children with the same man who hasn't seen them for ten fucking years! And for all you pearl clutchers; we were married before procreating..

Good on you & well done. He’s not worth the impending hassles & aches, to be honest.

@Hollaatme3022

in a nutshell, your stance is…. Abortion exists so if the women choose to have the baby why should the man get all the blame?

oh and if the man deigns chooses to see his children, be grateful because “at least he is making the effort”

If you have daughters, I wish them well

Oh an you joined mumsnet or name changed just to make that comment @Hollaatme3022

Interesting

Hi everyone. I just wanted to share another update with you all. I found out recently that the man who had 3 DCs with 3 different women is now having another child with someone else. So he will soon have 4 DCs with 4 different mothers. I definitely dodged a bullet there!

Sounds like you had a lucky escape!

Omg, what is up with him?!

well done on it not being you talk about consistent form

He sounds like one Jeremy Kyle contestant mf'er.

And yes, perfect example of why women should not entertain men like this.

What sort of financial contributions is he making towards all these children? Or is he leaving that tab for us taxpayers to pick up?
These serial reproducers exist , they don't need to be George Clooney either, and unfortunately there are always those willing to jump into bed with them!

If you have to ask then I'd expect it to be 4 children to 4 mothers very soon.

Read the update!

Oh my goodness OP that is too funny. Well done you for running away. He must be the most fertile man in the western hemisphere.

It reminds me of meeting a man during my dating days who had been married twice and engaged three times. I am not from the UK and this was highly unusual. I went on a few dates with him and he was extremely keen but the feelings weren't mutual so I ended things. Less than a year later I began a hobby course and one of the women attending had recently got married... to the same man.

Doesnt seem like the type to settle down with one woman, does he? If you had desperately wanted a child and didnt want a man around he'd have been useful but otherwise you were right to run.