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Original poster

Man I'm seeing has 3 children with 3 different mothers. Red flag?

536 replies

tinderexplorer · 20/12/2022 06:29

I have been on 2 dates with this man. He is 36. He has dropped a bit of a bombshell and I am not sure how to proceed. He has 3 DCs with 3 women. He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them. They are 12, 10 and 6. I did not press him about why the relationships he had with the DCs mums didn't work out. I am now wondering what has gone on with his prior relationships. I also wonder if the DCs were planned or not. I thought there was potential after the first date but not I am not sure. It's put me off him a bit honestly.

OP posts:
July70 · 21/12/2022 19:35

Lol, is this really a question to ask? IMO the poster is taking the p.

Goldbar · 21/12/2022 19:37

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 19:26

@TheYChromosome do you not think that it would show absolutely appalling judgement on the part of the person left holding the babies as it were?!

Thats the red flag to me, that they could be such a poor judge of character...3 times over.

It does show poor judgement but at least they face up to their responsibilities and are unlikely to walk out on baby no. 4.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 21/12/2022 19:37

DisforDarkChocolate · 20/12/2022 07:31

I'd see it more as red bunting than a red flag.

This is exactly what I was going to post, word for word! You can do better, OP...

Francisca459 · 21/12/2022 20:02

I would want nothing to do with him - even as a friend. He has made 3 children and is not part of a family unit with any of them. He's not even 40! What a dickhead. He is presumably paying money to the mothers of all three (unless he is a complete deadbeat loser), so how is he any kind of prospect for a partner? He'll never be able to afford anything, any decent life and if he does, he is doing it at the expense of these children! I wouldn't touch a man with kids with a bargepole let alone 3 with 3 relationship failures. You can do better - or can't you?

SpinningFloppa · 21/12/2022 20:07

Strangeways19 · 21/12/2022 18:36

Without typos:
Personally I would find out a bit more about it. I mean there's a lot of comments about how the 3 relationships broke down & an assumption that he's a player but we don't know this.
.
It could be that one two or all 3 of the women dumped him who knows?

I had 2 DC's with 2 different dads & I had a boyfriend when the youngest was about 5 who's family really judged me. The reality was very different than they imagined. Their judgements put a nail in the coffin of the relationship.

However I met someone wonderful shortly after this & we've been together for 25 years, have a child between us & he took the younger two on as well, so I would find out more before you judge x

Really? You wouldn’t think 3 women leaving him with very young child is a red flag? Says something about him if all 3 women left him with very young children

FloydPepper · 21/12/2022 20:09

SpinningFloppa · 21/12/2022 20:07

Really? You wouldn’t think 3 women leaving him with very young child is a red flag? Says something about him if all 3 women left him with very young children

Show quote history

The women on this thread with 3 kids & 3 dads

Does that say the same about them?

FloydPepper · 21/12/2022 20:10

Francisca459 · 21/12/2022 20:02

I would want nothing to do with him - even as a friend. He has made 3 children and is not part of a family unit with any of them. He's not even 40! What a dickhead. He is presumably paying money to the mothers of all three (unless he is a complete deadbeat loser), so how is he any kind of prospect for a partner? He'll never be able to afford anything, any decent life and if he does, he is doing it at the expense of these children! I wouldn't touch a man with kids with a bargepole let alone 3 with 3 relationship failures. You can do better - or can't you?

Reading this it’s hard to see how any divorced dad of 3 could ever do enough for you to consider being friends with them…

Darlingx · 21/12/2022 20:13

LaLuz7 · Yesterday 06:56
Imagine the constant drama with 3 baby mammas around

Imagine the constraints of 3 visitation schedules

Imagine the fortune he must spend on child support

Imagine how immature or irresponsible you have to be to pop out a kid in every relationship and then hit the road as soon as the actual work of raising the kid starts

No way in hell I would get caught up in all of that...

Perfectly put 👍

Thighdentitycrisis · 21/12/2022 20:16

run away quickly

SpinningFloppa · 21/12/2022 20:28

FloydPepper · 21/12/2022 20:09

The women on this thread with 3 kids & 3 dads

Does that say the same about them?

Show quote history

Yes I’ve already said I think it’s bad man or woman!!

GarlicSauce · 21/12/2022 20:29

It's not so much of a flag as it is a red flare....just why?

Goldbar · 21/12/2022 20:34

FloydPepper · 21/12/2022 20:09

The women on this thread with 3 kids & 3 dads

Does that say the same about them?

Show quote history

It depends...

Do those women actually parent their kids or have they offloaded them onto their former partners, apart from brief visits where they expected to be treated as the second coming?

Justbefair · 21/12/2022 20:40

My immediate reaction would be make sure no chance of getting pregnant! Would listen to him etc but huge put off that he's never stuck around and just seems to move on. Would he commit to you? Past experiences say no. Have fun by all means but doubt he's long time material. X

Ursuladevine · 21/12/2022 20:51

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 19:26

@TheYChromosome do you not think that it would show absolutely appalling judgement on the part of the person left holding the babies as it were?!

Thats the red flag to me, that they could be such a poor judge of character...3 times over.

@Dacadactyl you had been with your partner for 5 months before you fell pregnant. How well did you know him?!

Ursuladevine · 21/12/2022 20:52

Ursuladevine · 21/12/2022 20:51

@Dacadactyl you had been with your partner for 5 months before you fell pregnant. How well did you know him?!

Show quote history

on the basis of what you have said on here… you’d be appalled if your DD was to do the same!

rosemarysalter · 21/12/2022 20:52

Massive flag

Not to mention logistical nightmare with 3 exes. Three kids. Three maintenance payments (assuming he does)

What kind of future can you realistically have?

Imagine holidays, Christmas etc

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 20:56

Ursuladevine · 21/12/2022 20:51

@Dacadactyl you had been with your partner for 5 months before you fell pregnant. How well did you know him?!

Show quote history

Not well at all. I was lucky, most definitely, in that my child's father married me and we have gone on to create a stable family together.

I would not be appalled if my daughter got pregnant, but I would be appalled if she carried on repeating the same behaviour with 2 other men down the line, creating children with no thought to whether who was fathering them was a good bet.

MsChatterbox · 21/12/2022 21:01

Good idea to leave this one. Imagine if you ended up having children with him... That's just not a good family dynamic to get them used to and set standards by.

Dibbydoos · 21/12/2022 22:37

My DH was married at 19. They had 2 kids and split up.
He was single until we met in our early 30's. By then he had 2 more kids with 2 women - apparently, both said they were on the pill, the first passed the baby off as someone else's wtf.
We married around 18m after we met - we were soul mates. We had 2 kids and were happy until he died aged 50yo due to the antibiotics (he was flooded with to kill off mrsa he contracted during a knee operation) killing his liver.
I didn't see it as a red flag. He told me about his kids in our first conversation. He clearly loved them.

Talon01 · 21/12/2022 22:41

I'd love to see a thread by a man talking about a mother with three kids from different men.

Talon01 · 21/12/2022 22:44

Francisca459 · 21/12/2022 20:02

I would want nothing to do with him - even as a friend. He has made 3 children and is not part of a family unit with any of them. He's not even 40! What a dickhead. He is presumably paying money to the mothers of all three (unless he is a complete deadbeat loser), so how is he any kind of prospect for a partner? He'll never be able to afford anything, any decent life and if he does, he is doing it at the expense of these children! I wouldn't touch a man with kids with a bargepole let alone 3 with 3 relationship failures. You can do better - or can't you?

You wouldn't touch anyone with kids with a bargepole. Why are you special?

SpinningFloppa · 21/12/2022 22:53

Talon01 · 21/12/2022 22:44

You wouldn't touch anyone with kids with a bargepole. Why are you special?

Show quote history

TBF if I didn’t have kids I wouldn’t want to date anyone that did

Zazazoolly · 21/12/2022 23:02

THIS!!

T1Dmama · 21/12/2022 23:04

Run for the hills!!
I appreciate at 36 we all have pasts, you’d half expect maybe children with an ex… but 3 with 3 different women?!?!…. Shows a complete lack of responsibility.. he clearly doesn’t use contraception and thinks nothing of just being a weekend dad x

BabyOnBoard90 · 21/12/2022 23:38

Sounds like he doesn't have a high bar set for who can be a mother to his child.

That said, perhaps he was young and immature.

Regardless its messy

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