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Original poster

Man I'm seeing has 3 children with 3 different mothers. Red flag?

536 replies

tinderexplorer · 20/12/2022 06:29

I have been on 2 dates with this man. He is 36. He has dropped a bit of a bombshell and I am not sure how to proceed. He has 3 DCs with 3 women. He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them. They are 12, 10 and 6. I did not press him about why the relationships he had with the DCs mums didn't work out. I am now wondering what has gone on with his prior relationships. I also wonder if the DCs were planned or not. I thought there was potential after the first date but not I am not sure. It's put me off him a bit honestly.

OP posts:
LucyAnn35 · 20/12/2022 07:02

I've name changed to reply to this post as it might be revealing. I have 4 kids to 3 men. I agree that it sounds like a red flag but it might not be. I think it depends on what has happened in each of his relationships. There's nothing wrong with me, it's just the way my life worked out.

felulageller · 20/12/2022 07:02

I'd want to know the full story before condemning him.

If there was an equivalent mum wanting to date we'd say go for it and condemn a man for criticising her.

SnuggleBuggleBoo · 20/12/2022 07:06

Ursuladevine · 20/12/2022 06:55

Even if he was the catch of the century OP, I still wouldn’t even consider for a nano second.

Why… if you ever want to have a family with him, it won’t be so much a blended family as a mangled wreckage of a circus

I have covid and you just made my almost asphyxiate from coughing after laughing too hard! 😂

chocolateasaltyballs22 · 20/12/2022 07:07

Apart from anything else, have a good long think about whether you want to be stepmum to 3 kids (longer term, obvs). That's also 3 exes to contend with. It would be a firm no from me.

Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 07:08

I would see it as a proceed with caution until you find out the story. Also your life is going to be affected by 3 different contact schedules, they may not and don't have to all see him on the same day. I found adjusting to my life being affected by the whims of one ex a difficult adjustment I'm not sure I'd manage with 3.

Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 07:09

And yes to echo PP if you also want children theb blended families are tough when there's only one set of step children in the mix

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 07:12

felulageller · 20/12/2022 07:02

I'd want to know the full story before condemning him.

If there was an equivalent mum wanting to date we'd say go for it and condemn a man for criticising her.

Lol no. Not me, at least. I find it equally troubling regardless of the gender. Having babies with every single partner who passes through your life is so childish and irresponsible.

Pictograph · 20/12/2022 07:12

Yes, this would bother me a lot.

rainbowstardrops · 20/12/2022 07:13

Who knows why his relationships have broken down but it doesn't appear that he sticks with his partners for too long.
Aside from anything else, when would you ever get to see him without one or all of the children potentially in tow?!

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 20/12/2022 07:14

I would think that he is already committed elsewhere financially if he is providing for each of them, and time wise if he is being a good Dad.
If you are up for playing 4th fiddle go for it.

Whereland · 20/12/2022 07:17

Funny to think Kate Winslet has four children with four different men but there's no way she'd be viewed how the man is here. I'm not saying I disagree, I'd also run a mile!

curiouslycinnamon · 20/12/2022 07:20

Sounds like a bit of a logistical nightmare.

If is actually trying to be a good father to those three children then he must have his hands full. How much time does he have to give to you really?

If he is not bothered about being a good father and has loads of time then that is also an unattractive prospect to me.

I can't see a scenario in which I would want to date him.

PepsiMaxQueen · 20/12/2022 07:22

LucyAnn35 · 20/12/2022 07:02

I've name changed to reply to this post as it might be revealing. I have 4 kids to 3 men. I agree that it sounds like a red flag but it might not be. I think it depends on what has happened in each of his relationships. There's nothing wrong with me, it's just the way my life worked out.

Same, mainly due to a traumatic life. I wouldn’t date a man with 3 kids to 3 women though purely because I crave stability and attention, and the logistics of it would burn me out. It’s taken me a LOT of therapy to say that 😂

OP I think it depends on a multitude of factors, like what happened in the relationships, how he sees his time being spread, whether you want kids or not and honestly if that’s something you could see yourself taking on, I definitely couldn’t do it.

Namechangeforthis88 · 20/12/2022 07:22

People suggesting double standards, the huge difference is that almost every time it's the woman literally left holding the baby, especially when these relationships with ended when the DC were very young or he was cheating. It will be the women bearing the brunt of single parenthood while h glides on to impregnate the next candidate.

pilates · 20/12/2022 07:22

Sorry yes it would massively.

curiouslycinnamon · 20/12/2022 07:24

Namechangeforthis88 · 20/12/2022 07:22

People suggesting double standards, the huge difference is that almost every time it's the woman literally left holding the baby, especially when these relationships with ended when the DC were very young or he was cheating. It will be the women bearing the brunt of single parenthood while h glides on to impregnate the next candidate.

Agreed. It is actually a totally different situation to if this was a woman.

In an ideal world it wouldn't be - but out society dictates that 99% chance it is totally different if it's a man than if it's a woman.

There's a good reason people would be more wary/ judgemental of a man in this situation than a woman.

Mum233 · 20/12/2022 07:26

Red flag but I would also want to know the full story. Having said that, even one step DC is complicated enough from experience. I don’t think I could handle three with different mothers.

Twilightstarbright · 20/12/2022 07:29

@Whereland I agree, I was going to say that Kate Hudson has three children with three different Dads.

It could be a sign to run for the hills, or it might be a series of shitty circumstances.

JustKittenAround · 20/12/2022 07:31

Hard pass for me… but then again I know I’m worthy of having a better man… one who doesn’t have such wanton wreckage in his wake.

I know most women have more worth than to entertain a man who doesn’t seem to take children seriously… or at least wearing a condom.

More than that? I only keep company with women who understand his financial obligation to these separate households and understand they’d be cheating themselves and future children in even the best of circumstances.

Run! Or try to change him and become some baby mama.. you have be warned

DisforDarkChocolate · 20/12/2022 07:31

I'd see it more as red bunting than a red flag.

LadyRoughDiamond · 20/12/2022 07:32

Run, don’t walk. I know a man like this (am friends with the mother of child no1). Looks good on paper (good job, intelligent, own home), but in reality is a needy, irresponsible man child.

Stressfordays · 20/12/2022 07:36

My friend has 5 kids by 3 different women, he's an absolute melt. He does pay for them and takes them for weekends but there's no way I'd go out with him. Flaky, unreliable and drama filled!

Dery · 20/12/2022 07:37

Kate Hudson’s children are pretty spread out in age - this guy has had 3 children to 3 different women in 6 years. This suggests he likes making babies but not sticking around for the hard work of raising them. He sounds extremely irresponsible and worryingly averse to using contraception. It would be a no from me too.

MargaretMead · 20/12/2022 07:38

Run: at this stage you’re not overly involved and there are plenty of other men.

If he’s a good dad and responsible co-parent, so much time and money will be taken up with the different children. I couldn’t be bothered honestly. If he’s not, it will feel more free for you, but do you want to be with a feckless father?

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 20/12/2022 07:39

Gross for a man or woman. Run.