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Original poster

Man I'm seeing has 3 children with 3 different mothers. Red flag?

536 replies

tinderexplorer · 20/12/2022 06:29

I have been on 2 dates with this man. He is 36. He has dropped a bit of a bombshell and I am not sure how to proceed. He has 3 DCs with 3 women. He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them. They are 12, 10 and 6. I did not press him about why the relationships he had with the DCs mums didn't work out. I am now wondering what has gone on with his prior relationships. I also wonder if the DCs were planned or not. I thought there was potential after the first date but not I am not sure. It's put me off him a bit honestly.

OP posts:
Ursuladevine · 21/12/2022 18:23

murakamilove · 21/12/2022 18:09

Wow - only read the first page, not much love for him is there? 🤣
I’d say go with your gut. It’s your life.
I have a wonderful friend who has 3 children by 3 different dads & it works really well for them.

When you’re talking about children and potential future children, probably best to consider more than just your “gut” feeling

Withmayo · 21/12/2022 18:24

Big red flag

Strangeways19 · 21/12/2022 18:32

So many typos in my post I've not been drinking 😂

YDBear · 21/12/2022 18:33

It seems not unreasonable to ask him how he affords all that child support? I think his answer to that one question should tell you all you need to know.

BookishKitten · 21/12/2022 18:33

Massive red flag with bells and whistles and cheerleading pom-poms too.
He’s trouble.

GUARDIAN1 · 21/12/2022 18:34

Honestly, red flags for me. Even if he can persuade you there are 'good' reasons for not being around full time for any of his children, life would be extremely complicated with this guy. I wouldn't want to deal with it all.

maddiemookins16mum · 21/12/2022 18:35

Eeew, run Forrest run. I find men who father kids with numerous different women a real turn off. It has nightmare written all over it.

Strangeways19 · 21/12/2022 18:36

Without typos:
Personally I would find out a bit more about it. I mean there's a lot of comments about how the 3 relationships broke down & an assumption that he's a player but we don't know this.
.
It could be that one two or all 3 of the women dumped him who knows?

I had 2 DC's with 2 different dads & I had a boyfriend when the youngest was about 5 who's family really judged me. The reality was very different than they imagined. Their judgements put a nail in the coffin of the relationship.

However I met someone wonderful shortly after this & we've been together for 25 years, have a child between us & he took the younger two on as well, so I would find out more before you judge x

niugboo · 21/12/2022 18:37

ewww. No.

PearlclutchersInc · 21/12/2022 18:46

Proceed in the opposite direction (and in the meantime make sure you've got your contraception sorted)

Unless he's financially supporting them all he sounds incredibly irisponsible (or stupid).

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 18:49

@PearlclutchersInc even if he is financially supporting them, he is incredibly irresponsible and stupid.

Children deserve better than parents who leave a whole load of broken relationships in their wake.

Goldbar · 21/12/2022 18:51

Probably a good decision on your part, OP. Relationships do break down, but to have 3 children none of whom you live with seems exceptionally careless to me.

Some people have mentioned would we judge a woman with three children by three different fathers in the same way? I'm afraid I wouldn't as it's a completely different scenario if they're doing the day-to-day parenting of the DC. .. they're clearly not going to run off and leave a prospective partner holding DC no 4 if they're already caring for 3 kids. And it could be quite good financially for the DC to have different fathers... four lots of child maintenance coming into the house (so four whole apples rather than a quarter of an apple). Even better if the fathers don't have any other children. While not ideal, practically and financially it's a bit different.

QS90 · 21/12/2022 18:59

If you do sleep with him, for the love of God, get him to wrap his peen!!

Purplefoxes · 21/12/2022 19:14

tinderexplorer · 21/12/2022 10:10

I have given the matter some thought and upon reflection, I've decided to bin him off. As others have said, I would effectively be playing fourth fiddle. I don't want that. It's a bit unfortunate as I liked him until he mentioned the 3x3 bombshell.

Wise choice...as they say you've dodged the bullet there!! Although there would be a part of me wondering if he'd said it so early on as he didn't want to carry on dating..if so that's a cowardly way out but still. If it's true then something he really shouldn't be proud of but at least he was honest so you could make an informed choice!

nyorks1503 · 21/12/2022 19:14

A whole bunting of red flags

LaDamaDeElche · 21/12/2022 19:15

I don't know if it's necessarily a red flag, as for all we know he makes bad choices and hasn't been at fault for the breakdown of every one of those relationships. My issue would be navigating a relationship that fulfils you when there are three different family units involved. That doesn't look great for the future, logistically or the financial impact it would have on you if you decided to get married and have your own kids with him. I'd suggest you find someone with less baggage for a happier and more stress free future.

Charley50 · 21/12/2022 19:22

OP hasn't been back

stopthebarking · 21/12/2022 19:23

I'd think there must be someone better out there. It sounds like he's prone to messy situations, and I wouldn't want to involve myself in that, personally.

Beepbeepenergy · 21/12/2022 19:23

It’s a big fat NO from me lol good luck what ever u decide

wentworthinmate · 21/12/2022 19:24

He'll not have any money for a very long time! Run run run.

TheYChromosome · 21/12/2022 19:24

Whereland · 20/12/2022 07:17

Funny to think Kate Winslet has four children with four different men but there's no way she'd be viewed how the man is here. I'm not saying I disagree, I'd also run a mile!

There is a difference though in terms of who has the children most of the time. A man fathered three children with three different women. Do all three children live with him, he is the main carer, and the mums are less involved. I would want to know what happened but not that big a red flag.

A woman had three children with three different man. The children each live with their respective fathers, the fathers are the main carers and she sees each of her children according to a schedule. Red flag.

Swap it round and it would be red flag for the man and not necessarily a red flag for the women. For me.

Dacadactyl · 21/12/2022 19:26

@TheYChromosome do you not think that it would show absolutely appalling judgement on the part of the person left holding the babies as it were?!

Thats the red flag to me, that they could be such a poor judge of character...3 times over.

Solonge · 21/12/2022 19:32

tinderexplorer · 20/12/2022 06:29

I have been on 2 dates with this man. He is 36. He has dropped a bit of a bombshell and I am not sure how to proceed. He has 3 DCs with 3 women. He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them. They are 12, 10 and 6. I did not press him about why the relationships he had with the DCs mums didn't work out. I am now wondering what has gone on with his prior relationships. I also wonder if the DCs were planned or not. I thought there was potential after the first date but not I am not sure. It's put me off him a bit honestly.

I am surprised you need to ask....1. he doesnt use contraception, so is happy to risk STDs as well as unplanned babies. 2. he is immature....unless he explained how it occurred.... 3. He is only 36, at this rate he could end up with a dozen or more kids.

Petlover9 · 21/12/2022 19:33

Ukri · 20/12/2022 06:32

Massive red flag

Look at his life style, did he provide a home for each of the families that he created? I somehow doubt it, unless he is a multi millionaire, run

TheYChromosome · 21/12/2022 19:34

@Dacadactyl for me it would be immediate red flag for the person who is not left holding the babies, as that is much more irresponsible, in my view.

For the person left with the babies, as said, I would want to understand but it wouldn’t be immediate no thank you. It might be after finding out more, though. But not an immediate red flag.