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Original poster

Man I'm seeing has 3 children with 3 different mothers. Red flag?

536 replies

tinderexplorer · 20/12/2022 06:29

I have been on 2 dates with this man. He is 36. He has dropped a bit of a bombshell and I am not sure how to proceed. He has 3 DCs with 3 women. He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them. They are 12, 10 and 6. I did not press him about why the relationships he had with the DCs mums didn't work out. I am now wondering what has gone on with his prior relationships. I also wonder if the DCs were planned or not. I thought there was potential after the first date but not I am not sure. It's put me off him a bit honestly.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 20/12/2022 06:30

So I assume he’s not going to want to use condoms then 🤔

sorrynotathome · 20/12/2022 06:31

Goodness do you really have to ask?!

lifeinthehills · 20/12/2022 06:31

I would see it as a red flag.

Ukri · 20/12/2022 06:32

Massive red flag

Numbat2022 · 20/12/2022 06:32

Huge red flag for me, especially with two so close together. It doesn't exactly suggest he's responsible or a good long-term bet, does it.

If he can explain the specific circumstances and it all makes sense then perhaps give him a chance, but if it's just that he got into relationships, quickly had a child and then broke up... nah.

Everydaywheniwakeup · 20/12/2022 06:33

It would be a no for me. Even if there was a legitimate reason that I cannot think of why he keeps having children, the sheer logistics of his life aside from anything else would be a nightmare to negotiate. And if you don't have children of your own and want them, he's not looking like he's got much staying power for actual parenting.

Rainbowqueeen · 20/12/2022 06:33

It sounds like each relationship ended when the DC were very young. I’d see that as a massive red flag

Bananalanacake · 20/12/2022 06:34

If you like him take it slowly, if he sees each of his DC several times a week and he's not a deadbeat dad then great. Definitely don't let him move in and always insist on condoms.

lunar1 · 20/12/2022 06:35

Do you want to live your life according to a contract schedule that needs to be negotiated with three different people?

BananaSpanner · 20/12/2022 06:38

If nothing else, he’s going to be spending a fortune in cm each month (and if he’s not that’s another red flag) so financial pressure from the outset.

byvirtue · 20/12/2022 06:41

3 children in 6 years with 3 different women. I would run for the hills!

bloodyeverlastinghell · 20/12/2022 06:41

Massive red flag for me. Do you want your own children? It’d be really challenging logistically. If it’s just fun fair enough and use condoms if you’re after a relationship I’d look elsewhere

euff · 20/12/2022 06:47

I guess you are still at a very early stage but I'd personally pass on this one or at least be very very careful to not get pregnant for a while.

He might have a good relationship with his DC because he is a Disney dad? Maybe he gets bored easily, maybe he's not the type to stick around for the hard bits. How does he manage his time with his kids from three different households? Are you happy for you and any potential children from this relationship to fit in and around his existing family?

Do you want children? What are his thoughts on having more children? If he doesn't want more has he done anything responsible to ensure that's not going to happen?

Mercedesbenz2022 · 20/12/2022 06:47

Run !

Draconis · 20/12/2022 06:50

Yes huge red flags flying vigorously!

Whatifthegrassisblue · 20/12/2022 06:51

Erm. Do you have to ask? Run and don't look back

Nancywhiskey · 20/12/2022 06:53

Run!!!!!!

Ursuladevine · 20/12/2022 06:55

Even if he was the catch of the century OP, I still wouldn’t even consider for a nano second.

Why… if you ever want to have a family with him, it won’t be so much a blended family as a mangled wreckage of a circus

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 06:56

Imagine the constant drama with 3 baby mammas around

Imagine the constraints of 3 visitation schedules

Imagine the fortune he must spend on child support

Imagine how immature or irresponsible you have to be to pop out a kid in every relationship and then hit the road as soon as the actual work of raising the kid starts

No way in hell I would get caught up in all of that...

JustAJokeLikeOnTopGear · 20/12/2022 06:56

Even if it’s not a red flag - is that the lifestyle you want long term? Working around 3 sets of co-parenting arrangements sounds too limiting for how I’d like to spend my time.

Snoken · 20/12/2022 06:57

Ursuladevine · 20/12/2022 06:55

Even if he was the catch of the century OP, I still wouldn’t even consider for a nano second.

Why… if you ever want to have a family with him, it won’t be so much a blended family as a mangled wreckage of a circus

😂 Love that last paragraph! True though. Being baby mama no 4 doesn’t sound very appealing.

LeopardPrintHo · 20/12/2022 06:57

And I bet he sees them EOW, pays the least he can and doesn't actually get on with the mums at all. There will be drama constantly, take it from someone who knows! Massive red flags.

custardbear · 20/12/2022 06:58

My friends daughter just fell for a 'man ' like this, she's just had his 5th child and he's left her, gone back, left her again during the pregnancy, been a total shit and left her with his 5th child to raise alone, thank god she has her family to support her.
Red flags everywhere I'm afraid!

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 20/12/2022 07:01

He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them.
thats a pretty low bar for a father.

how much parenting does he do of three children with three different households?! It is either a nightmare logistically and he will never have time for you, or he doesnt step up at all.

Bogeyes · 20/12/2022 07:02

You will be number 4