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Original poster

Man I'm seeing has 3 children with 3 different mothers. Red flag?

536 replies

tinderexplorer · 20/12/2022 06:29

I have been on 2 dates with this man. He is 36. He has dropped a bit of a bombshell and I am not sure how to proceed. He has 3 DCs with 3 women. He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them. They are 12, 10 and 6. I did not press him about why the relationships he had with the DCs mums didn't work out. I am now wondering what has gone on with his prior relationships. I also wonder if the DCs were planned or not. I thought there was potential after the first date but not I am not sure. It's put me off him a bit honestly.

OP posts:
ChristmasSparkleTastic · 20/12/2022 07:40

My friend has a child with a man like this. Her child was number 3. It didn't work out. He's just had another one with someone else. He drives her & all the other mums nuts. He's a fucking prick. Don't. Do. It.

ChristmasSparkleTastic · 20/12/2022 07:41

Oh and he pays no child support.

PermanentTemporary · 20/12/2022 07:41

Yeah, in pretty much every case where this is a woman, she has a good relationship with the children because she is living with them and bringing them up!

Sorry but this just sounds like a man who can't organise himself, can't use condoms properly, regards parenting as a part time hobby and relationships as a passing interest. Why would ANYONE go there.

JangolinaPitt · 20/12/2022 07:41

it won’t be so much a blended family as a mangled wreckage of a circus
Perfectly expressed!
Red-bunting
Ditto!

dampthursday · 20/12/2022 07:43

If they were 16, 10 and 4 then it wouldn’t bother me so much (although I’d still be a bit concerned), it’s the very small age gaps that are worrying. Even if the oldest one is nearly 13 and the middle one is only just 10, that’s still a very quick turnaround in a new relationship.

He’s said he’s got a good relationship with the kids, what is his relationship like with their mums? That’s important too.

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 07:43

Whereland · 20/12/2022 07:17

Funny to think Kate Winslet has four children with four different men but there's no way she'd be viewed how the man is here. I'm not saying I disagree, I'd also run a mile!

No. She has 3 and she was married to each of their dads. They are spread out in age.

This dude has two babies spaced only 2 years apart, by different women. 3 in the span of 6 years. That's quite a whirlwind and goes beyond "life happens and marriage break down"

Fireflygal · 20/12/2022 07:44

@LucyAnn35 I assume you didn't go from one relationship/baby to another.

In a very short period of time he has met, dated, got pregnant and then left (or asked to leave) multiple women.

I suspect his exs won't be keen to give him a reference!!

anyolddinosaur · 20/12/2022 07:48

Not just a red flag, it's 3 of them. If a woman had 3 children by 3 different men I'd also think that was a red flag. Might be a slightly smaller one as they would all be in one home and the fathers might not have much role so logistically easier - would still advise men not to get involved.

CosyScentedCandles · 20/12/2022 07:52

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

LucyAnn35 · 20/12/2022 07:52

Fireflygal · 20/12/2022 07:44

@LucyAnn35 I assume you didn't go from one relationship/baby to another.

In a very short period of time he has met, dated, got pregnant and then left (or asked to leave) multiple women.

I suspect his exs won't be keen to give him a reference!!

Hi, no I didn't. I had a baby with an American guy who came to the UK for 12 months. We slept together once but I wanted to have the baby. Five years later I had a child with my then partner, then we had another child 2 years after that. And the fourth child is my husband's.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 20/12/2022 07:52

anyolddinosaur · 20/12/2022 07:48

Not just a red flag, it's 3 of them. If a woman had 3 children by 3 different men I'd also think that was a red flag. Might be a slightly smaller one as they would all be in one home and the fathers might not have much role so logistically easier - would still advise men not to get involved.

It's worse for a resident parent to do this, surely. That'd be twice she'd brought strange men into her children's home followed by a new half-sibling. No stability for the poor kids.

DeliberatelyObtuse · 20/12/2022 07:55

Run a fucking mile

JustKittenAround · 20/12/2022 07:59

A Mile.

I know it rubs baby mamas with multiple baby daddies the wrong way but fucking run.

They have value and all that but you have knowledge and ability to realize what a horrible mess he is.

You can’t shine the turd of his situation. Unless you want to end up like the rest of the unlucky women he’s had before. You’re special but not so special that you won’t end up a baby mama.

spare123 · 20/12/2022 08:00

Very important question here. Are you going to run away from this prince of a man, or just walk quickly? Can't believe that any woman with any self-respect would stay......

SuKnackered · 20/12/2022 08:02

LucyAnn35 · 20/12/2022 07:02

I've name changed to reply to this post as it might be revealing. I have 4 kids to 3 men. I agree that it sounds like a red flag but it might not be. I think it depends on what has happened in each of his relationships. There's nothing wrong with me, it's just the way my life worked out.

Agree with this 100%.

Ursuladevine · 20/12/2022 08:03

Head over to Stepparents chat OP

If nothing else pure you off him, five minutes perusing the discussion on that forum will well and truly have you running for the hills

Marmalade71 · 20/12/2022 08:03

What the fuck is this baby mamma baby daddy shite? Are you all 12?

Naunet · 20/12/2022 08:03

felulageller · 20/12/2022 07:02

I'd want to know the full story before condemning him.

If there was an equivalent mum wanting to date we'd say go for it and condemn a man for criticising her.

A mum who had 3 kids by 3 different men and walked out on all of them when they were still very young?! Speak for yourself mate!

MichaelFabricantWig · 20/12/2022 08:04

byvirtue · 20/12/2022 06:41

3 children in 6 years with 3 different women. I would run for the hills!

This

hard no from me

SuKnackered · 20/12/2022 08:05

Marmalade71 · 20/12/2022 08:03

What the fuck is this baby mamma baby daddy shite? Are you all 12?

I was about to return to say this, too!

orangegato · 20/12/2022 08:08

tinderexplorer · 20/12/2022 06:29

I have been on 2 dates with this man. He is 36. He has dropped a bit of a bombshell and I am not sure how to proceed. He has 3 DCs with 3 women. He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them. They are 12, 10 and 6. I did not press him about why the relationships he had with the DCs mums didn't work out. I am now wondering what has gone on with his prior relationships. I also wonder if the DCs were planned or not. I thought there was potential after the first date but not I am not sure. It's put me off him a bit honestly.

Run, don’t walk. Imagine your Christmases, the maintenance bills! Fuck no.

Charley50 · 20/12/2022 08:08

LucyAnn35 · 20/12/2022 07:02

I've name changed to reply to this post as it might be revealing. I have 4 kids to 3 men. I agree that it sounds like a red flag but it might not be. I think it depends on what has happened in each of his relationships. There's nothing wrong with me, it's just the way my life worked out.

Presumably you're the primary carer to your kids though? That's the difference.

As a person, this guy is probably perfectly nice, it's his track record of making babies then moving on which makes him poor partner / long-term commitment material.

orangegato · 20/12/2022 08:09

Also he should have said that way sooner, almost like he was hiding something?

Charley50 · 20/12/2022 08:09

Whereland · 20/12/2022 07:17

Funny to think Kate Winslet has four children with four different men but there's no way she'd be viewed how the man is here. I'm not saying I disagree, I'd also run a mile!

Yea because she is primary carer to her kids

marcopront · 20/12/2022 08:14

orangegato · 20/12/2022 08:09

Also he should have said that way sooner, almost like he was hiding something?

He said on the second date.
How much sooner would you expect it?