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Original poster

Man I'm seeing has 3 children with 3 different mothers. Red flag?

536 replies

tinderexplorer · 20/12/2022 06:29

I have been on 2 dates with this man. He is 36. He has dropped a bit of a bombshell and I am not sure how to proceed. He has 3 DCs with 3 women. He said he has good relationships with each DC and loves them. They are 12, 10 and 6. I did not press him about why the relationships he had with the DCs mums didn't work out. I am now wondering what has gone on with his prior relationships. I also wonder if the DCs were planned or not. I thought there was potential after the first date but not I am not sure. It's put me off him a bit honestly.

OP posts:
Sandy89xx · 20/12/2022 08:16

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 20/12/2022 08:16

Huge red flag. Especially with two so close in age.

orangegato · 20/12/2022 08:18

marcopront · 20/12/2022 08:14

He said on the second date.
How much sooner would you expect it?

Show quote history

I presume they were talking beforehand, I’m not sure how you just don’t mention it? Seems like a huge bombshell to sit on after having wasted someone’s time across two dates and presumably regular conversations in between. I’d be furious but that’s just me!

Charley50 · 20/12/2022 08:19

If you don't want DC yourself I guess it's fine. However some men with lots of children they don't live with are also emotionally immature and avoidant, so will shut down / stonewalll you, rather than discuss issues that come up. Sorry to generalise.

Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 08:20

Did he say how involved he was with them? Do any live with him 50/50?

Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 08:21

Ocrumbs · 20/12/2022 08:20

Did he say how involved he was with them? Do any live with him 50/50?

I think if someone had 3 kids and wasn't involved much with them it would put me right off

JustKittenAround · 20/12/2022 08:22

SuKnackered · 20/12/2022 08:05

I was about to return to say this, too!

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12 year olds where I’m from have no knowledge of this… or they aren’t throwing it around. . It’s just unmarried people having kids. No lasting commitment and often all responsibilities on the woman’s lap…Is there something else to call them? An easier term?

seriously I would like to know because I hate baby mama as a term but that’s what they seem to be called.

Not even kidding. What do we call this bevy of women who carried his children? The ones now saddled with his children and their day to day? Whilst he seeks out even more ?

At any rate. Women protect your reproduction and don’t sell it short for these types of men. It happens but do what you can to NOT allow yourself and your future children this pain.

ZekeZeke · 20/12/2022 08:22

After 2 dates there is no history, run for the hills and count yourself lucky.
How on earth can he afford to provide financially and emotionally for 3 children by 3 mothers?

user85747 · 20/12/2022 08:26

Sod that for a laugh.

Ursuladevine · 20/12/2022 08:28

LaLuz7 · 20/12/2022 07:43

No. She has 3 and she was married to each of their dads. They are spread out in age.

This dude has two babies spaced only 2 years apart, by different women. 3 in the span of 6 years. That's quite a whirlwind and goes beyond "life happens and marriage break down"

Show quote history

Add to which, KE is finally very very very independently wealthy.

what’s the chances this guy…. Isn’t

calmholly · 20/12/2022 08:29

Red flag

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 20/12/2022 08:33

Namechangeforthis88 · 20/12/2022 07:22

People suggesting double standards, the huge difference is that almost every time it's the woman literally left holding the baby, especially when these relationships with ended when the DC were very young or he was cheating. It will be the women bearing the brunt of single parenthood while h glides on to impregnate the next candidate.

I agree. I would run a mile from a dad like that.

SpinningFloppa · 20/12/2022 08:33

The thing that would put me off most is that he didn’t tell you straight away and yes I would expect to be told straight away.

Anyway I think it’s bad if it’s a man or a woman tbh not sure why it’s only bad for men but MN I suppose where everything men do is bad, I have a friend who has two kids by two different dads both very short term relationships one when she was 16 unplanned pregnancy one later which was also another unplanned pregnancy, she was saying recently how she can’t have another child as it would be 3 kids to 3 different dads so no it’s not always a case of long loving relationships for the women, both children were from short flings, never lived together and both don’t bother with their child. Also there is a mum down the school 6 kids to 4 different men, all kids in primary school and under so very close in age so I don’t believe they are all the product of a loving relationship, never seen any of the fathers.

FrancescaContini · 20/12/2022 08:36

🚩

BCBird · 20/12/2022 08:37

I would say it's a no.fro.mre. we don't know the circumstances why this happened. Perhaps the female was using contraception and it failed? Whatever the circumstances I would run.

whomoon · 20/12/2022 08:37

If you did continue seeing him, try and picture your future.
baby mama number 4, being a step mother to 3 children and your children having 3 half siblings.
Idyllic? I think not.
run.

Naunet · 20/12/2022 08:39

BCBird · 20/12/2022 08:37

I would say it's a no.fro.mre. we don't know the circumstances why this happened. Perhaps the female was using contraception and it failed? Whatever the circumstances I would run.

All three of them?!

AngelinaFibres · 20/12/2022 08:39

Throw this one back. You are setting yourself up for a very complicated life. Find a man who has less baggage.

Alibabasonethief · 20/12/2022 08:39

There are 3.5billion men in the world you’ve been on 2 dates with the guy. Why are your standards so low. He has had his share of relationships already throw him back.

Naunet · 20/12/2022 08:40

whomoon · 20/12/2022 08:37

If you did continue seeing him, try and picture your future.
baby mama number 4, being a step mother to 3 children and your children having 3 half siblings.
Idyllic? I think not.
run.

Yeah right, like he’d marry her! She’d just be single again 2 years after giving birth to his 4th.

Ivyonafence · 20/12/2022 08:40

Ha!

JoyBeorge · 20/12/2022 08:41

Well at least you know what to expect. Give it a while and he'll have 4 children with 4 women won't he 😉

MincepiesforRudolph · 20/12/2022 08:44

Unless hes in a well paid job he must be broke paying for 3 DC by different mums. There's got to be a whole backstory here as the DC are so close in ages.
🚩🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

2chocolateoranges · 20/12/2022 08:46

No thanks!

plenty more fish in the sea.

FrangipaniBlue · 20/12/2022 08:50

So he has his DC 50% of the time right?

Given they are to 3 different mothers then I don't imagine they are all on the same schedule......

The fact he has time to go on dates tells me the first statement is not true.

He is not a decent bloke.

Run.