Well, here we are… another one

[Beachlives]

Sitting in my car trying to process that H has just told me he’s had an affair. Fucks sake.

🌺

Ah OP I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

What an absolute twat, he needs to be thrown out. Don't protect him lovey

Sending you good thoughts

I'm really sorry to hear this. I can't believe how early it was as well. I hope you're okay and kick him out of the house! Big hugs 💖

Why now op? I know it was because she was going to tell you. But why is she telling you now? Is she from his work did something happen at the work Christmas party and he’s said it was a one off to her? Surely something else has triggered her to do it now and not after the spilt months ago?

You poor love, one foot in front of another and you’ll get through the day. No need for any decisions yet, your poor head and heart must be swirling. You don’t need to read her email if and when it arrives, just press delete, although hopefully it won’t be sent now he’s told you. We’re all here for you xx

What a dick, I hope you managed to get some sleep 💐

How are you this morning? Hope you got some sleep

Yeah as pp have said I wouldn't believe anything he's said. He broke it off months ago did he. He may have. But more likely he didn't. Hence why she's contacting you now. She wants to spend Christmas with him.

He's shown no remorse. And all the while pretending to be working on your marriage.

Who do you have nearby? I would tell everyone. The little shit.

How are your kids? Get all the support you can around you. He's an utter scum bag. But you don't have anything to hide

So so sorry you are going through this. Not to take away from what you are going through but just wanted to share my story and happily ever after.

Found out about his year long affair (I'd say first but looking back now I don't think it was), did the pick me dance, he left, came back, begged for another chance. I took him back. Less than year later he did it again, kicked him out etc. A year later I had met an absolutely amazing man. We are now very happily married.

The pain and trauma was horrific BUT I came out of it so much stronger. My life became pretty amazing and I said I wouldn't start a serious relationship unless that person added something of value to my life...cue DH.

Sending you the absolute huggest of hugs (or gentle arm pats from a distance if you're not a hugger). It's shit, it really is. He's an absolute cunt (I also don't use that work lightly).

Thank you all for your messages. Managed to get a couple of hours sleep.
Still in shock I think. The lies. The lies. The lies.
Got to work today but will post again later.

I wouldn't believe anything he says about this. Seems pretty clear that he's only told you now because she's planning to contact you, and he wanted to get in there first

And the timing makes no sense. If he ended it a while ago, why would she suddenly want to tell you now, just before Christmas? Maybe she was hoping / expecting to spend Christmas with him, and she now realises he's been lying to her all this time

Anyway, it's a horrible situation to be in. Take one day at a time. In time, it won't feel as bad as it does now

So sorry.

Don't let him blame you. Try and make him accountable. I expect he'll just feel sorry for himself. He's telling you to make himself feel better. He is motivated by his own gain, you're just a vehicle.

Does it seem likely the marriage problems were caused by the affair? X give yourself time

So sorry OP There are no words really. What a cowardly bastard. Make him be the one who tells the kids, he owes the family that. Hope you have some good real life support.

Can I just say I really admire how you are dealing with this. That you are able to focus on the blame being his. I often think that OW are treated as collateral damage by cheating men, they are lied to as well, an emotional relationship built up, all to suit these men’s egos and agenda.

They just treat women, the wives, the OW, like props in their own lives.

You seem to have such strength and sense OP. To be able to see clearly.

And you are right. He is a coward.

Sending you strength and fortitude.

Handhold and love you poor thing.

I'm sorry. He is a coward, clearly only told you because she was going to.

Don't let him pressure you to make any decisions about your relationship. YOu can ask him to leave why you think about what you want to do; he did this, not you.

I'm so sorry. I bet she was pressuring him to leave because it's Christmas under threat she would tell you. So he is trying to limit damage.

Putting you through the wringer to fix something he broke is unbelievable.

You sound really strong. Take your time to figure out what you want. He is not your friend.

Don’t let him explain your absence. Tell everyone first. Maybe tell them and don’t let him know that you’ve told them. See what shit he comes up with. Toad.

Btw, he will soon go from contrite and sad to vengeful so get in first. Also cover your butt financially.

@Skodacool OP, the OW should know that he’s cheated on you so he can never be trusted. Once a cheat always a cheat. Why would anyone want him?

OWs are deluded.
They know he's lying to the BS but "Oh no, he wouldn't lie to me we have twooo lurve".
They think they are "special" when all they are is available.

Oh what an arsehole.

Important thing - don’t let him set the agenda or the timetable. Don’t let him decide or force anything.

Give yourself time to think, you decide everything when you’re ready.

Yeah this too.

Make sure he can’t sweep or hide any money away.

I’m so sorry to read this thread @Beachlives

however shitty you feel, you’ll never be as shitty as a person who would actually tell a woman her husband is cheating on her or even someone who would cheat on their spouse in the first place.

you hold that head high love, find your anger and tell him to get out of your home while you process this. You don’t need to get an email from her, you don’t care, the damage is done. She can send her email to a priest if it’s absolution she needs.

you will rise. They will always be only scum.