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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Well, here we are… another one

379 replies

Beachlives · 19/12/2022 01:12

Sitting in my car trying to process that H has just told me he’s had an affair. Fucks sake.

OP posts:
kateandme · 15/02/2023 23:35

Beachlives · 15/02/2023 16:22

@Jaxinthebox I have spoken to a solicitor, basically if/when we get to that point we’ve pretty much agreed the finances so would initiate a no fault divorce and just use solicitors for the necessary paperwork. So straightforward from that perspective, obviously untangling all the other bits (phone contracts, joint account, other bits and bobs) would take some time but it’s all doable.

DC are all older they don’t need looking after per se. DD, her friend and I are on our way back from the Canaries, which was a welcome break even if not always easy, but sooooo lovely to have some sun 🌞. Tomorrow I have a haircut booked and am meeting my running group at the weekend. I’ve signed up for a slightly scary 10-miler ina a few weeks so need to get my game on!

@sweetsuzie yes it was all about his ego. OW is out of the picture, of that I’m pretty much certain. He knows that if there was even a whiff of that not being the case there would be less than zero chance of coming back from it. (And it’s pretty minuscule as it is).

I do try to look after myself physically and emotionally, and generally think I’m pretty balanced (though not sure DC would always, agree!) I’ll take gorgeous even though I’m not sure I could really claim that one 😁

It is absolutely about what I want and need now, and I do think that’ll take a bit of time to really work through. I’m looking at what I want to get involved with more where I live, to meet some new people and to do some different things. Exploring life in a slightly different way to see where that takes me.

so hes not having ana affair whilst he wait for your decision.
hes not going with her becasue it hinders his choice( choice for now)
it shoulsnt work like that op.
if this was his mistake it wouldnt be a thought.hed just dead straight not want to be with her. he wouldnt not be with her incase it scuppers his chances with you.which i dont no how your still giving him but that is up to you.
but for him not being with her for this reason is another red flad. it shouldnt be a thought.if he was real.truthful.loyal it woudnt be an issue.she wouldnt be an issue.
youd no he wasnt with her becasue of the deep mistake hed made.not becasue youd never take him back if he did. because that means if you do split he would go with her? again what does that say?

StrawHatOnTheParcelShelf · 16/02/2023 00:13

sweetsuzie · 15/02/2023 15:22

Oh, and with you not deciding whether you are divorcing or not, imagine how that must seem to the OW...

That his commitment to her depends on your words.

Meaning he's still invested in you as your primary relationship. Delish!

Hi 5!

You make sound like he's some sort of prize she's won.

He's not.

sweetsuzie · 16/02/2023 09:37

No not at not, OP has won no prize.

But it’s not bad for her to know what the OW would be feeling seeing her lurve work hard at wanting to be the best hubby. It’s kinda delicious as her rose tinted glssses in which she imagined to be the femme fatale fog up quickly with crocodile tears about how betrayed she feels as the OW and the realisation that she was fed the script, delicious, like they all are.

So it’s all about breaking the illusion many of the betrayed feel that OW had some magic potion that attracted this dude.

The cheating is his fault of course. But the moment they don’t see him budge is the moment they realise they were shot a line and swallowed it.

Whatwasthatshow · 14/03/2024 12:04

How are you a year on @Beachlives x

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