Well, here we are… another one

[Beachlives]

Sitting in my car trying to process that H has just told me he’s had an affair. Fucks sake.

OP, your husband isn't sorry, he's only sorry he's got caught (her likely going to email you). That's the only reason he's decided to tell you now.

Really sorry you're going through this, what a dickhead. Hope you went back inside and managed to get some sort of sleep x

I'm very sorry you are i this situation OP. x

Sending you strength OP, you’ve lots of hand holds here

What terrible timing. At least now you know and don't have to waste anymore time on this cheating thoughtless prick.
Wondr if he was pushed into confession with a Christmas ultimatum?
Sorry this has happened, my marriage ended just before Christmas and we kept up the chargade until new year it wasn't easy and may have been the wrong thing to do but I didn't want to put a downer on everyone! Looking back ifind it sad that I wasn't close enough to anyone to share my pain.

if you can get the through Christmas without telling the kids just to save the holiday it might be worth it for them, but if you cant cope with keeping it quiet, or if he is already going then at least you'll all have each other to help you to comfort each other.

Keep your family close this Christmas and look after yourself xxx

I remember the raw hurt like it was yesterday. Bastard's been dead for 10 years now. Stay strong OP. You don't deserve this.

Oh OP, you could have been me 2 years ago - although I went on a big long drive, and sat a service station to figure out what I was going to do.

Don't waste any more breath on him, it's not worth it. Channel your anger into useful things (I'm still kicking myself for wasting my effort after I'd ended it by helping him out with things, when he then disappeared and is still attempting to screw me over in the financial split). The one thing I got right was just going cold and keeping all talk to practical, business-like, minimum required levels. It allowed me to keep my cool.

2 years on, apart from still being mucked about by his solicitors, the kids and I are doing great - I hadn't actually realised quite how downtrodden I'd got by it all, and how free and light I feel in comparison now.

I’m sorry. What a shitty thing to do pre Christmas. I mean it’s a shitty thing to do at anytime of year, but to tell you just before Christmas is hard. Guess he’s confessed as she’s going to tell you anyway, guess he never would have otherwise. Of course he’s sorry, they always are. That is pretty disgusting working on your marriage and meanwhile having an affair. My ex SIL did that. She told my brother that she didn’t love him anymore (also just before Christmas) and they met up once a week to talk about things, in his mind in the hope of resolving things. Later found out she had met an ex childhood boyfriend a few months before she left him, so clearly had no intention of going back. He’s much happier anyway, he met someone else within 6months, they are married and have a baby now. It was a tough time for him though

So he's only told you so as to get in first before she emails you. What a bastard, sorry op. He needs to leave while you decide what you want to do going forward.

What a wrenching blow, Beach. While you were seriously working on the marriage, he was investing elsewhere, robbing your consent/choices, and risking your health.

This guy deserves to be kicked to the curb. He lacks integrity and honesty, and is a sorry role model for your teens. My trust and respect would have plummeted, so there’d be no going back.

if you don't know her how does she have your email address
that aside, talk to someone you can trust don't bottle things up.
so sorry he's done this to you

Sorry OP.

He sounds like a dickhead, forced into admitting it before the OW exposed his dirty secret.

Do what you want to do. You don't have to make any big decisions right now. We're all here for you

It’s common for email addresses to be available through work websites. Mine is.

OP I’m so sorry you’re having to face this. As PPs have said, he may well be trying to minimise and make himself look like the “good guy” (hollow laugh). As in he’s ended it and now vindictive OW is threatening to contact you. In many cases it turns out it’s actually ongoing and she wants it out in the open to force his hand. Not trying to be doom-laden but just want you to be prepared for things to possibly evolve.

Sending you all the strength, courage and future happiness you could wish for

(A pp said you could have a new man this time next year, and you could, but I also want to tell you you could be blissfully single, if that’s your choice. I left my ex nearly 7 years ago now (a cheater but also other reasons) and I’m still happy single.)

I am also in this sad shitty club - but 7 years on, I am now engaged to a lovely man who adores me, shows me every day how much he loves me and we are a true team.

Just reading your post made me remember that awful, panicky, sick feeling I had. There is never a good time, but the week before Christmas is just utter shite.

You have had some fab advice here, always talk to your friends and family. You have done nothing wrong.

A week before Christmas too. Hope you managed to get some sleep OP. I agree with others who said tell your family the truth.

What a bastard.

Can you make him leave before Christmas? Go to his family?

I had a horrendous Christmas the year my ex and I separated. We lived in the same house until he could move into his new place.

Wishing you strength. ❤️

Another whose been there.
As others have said, don't feel you have to decide anything immediately, process it all, let it filter through so you can make the right decision.
Don't do the pick me dance. If you stay together HE should be making all pick me moves, and if you split up you'll come to be embarrassed that you ever did it. X

He’s a cunt. So very sorry OP.

I think I'd be inclined to stay away, so he has to sort out Christmas and explain your absence to the children. Let him feel the consequences, if he's so sorry, he can now deal with the aftermath whist you decide what you want to do. I've been where you are, it's soul destroying, your reality is stolen from you, the lies and deception are unforgivable.

🎵🎶May his genitals rot off🎶🎵

That is so hard op, so sorry you are dealing with this

So he's only told you because the OW was going to? That doesn't sound like someone who's genuinely remorseful and wants to make the marriage work, that sounds like a coward who only told you because he was forced into it. If OW hadn't threatened to tell you he'd have kept his mouth shut. A week before Christmas too. Utter bastard

I'm so sorry OP I can only imagine the atmosphere at Christmas now. How lovely. My ex did this. We were married for 20 years and I thought he was my soul mate. I got ill and he walked out with OW while I was in hospital. Life is much better now but it took a couple of years.
You may even decide to give him another chance. Whatever you decide you don't have to do anything right now.

OP, the OW should know that he’s cheated on you so he can never be trusted. Once a cheat always a cheat. Why would anyone want him?

If its any consolation OP you will feel deeply hurt, yes, but you will emerge with a burning contempt for him which will cleanse you and make you regard him as nothing.

After however long it takes (maybe months, maybe years) you will regard him as utterly inconsequential and be astonished that he was capable of hurting you like this.

A wronged spouse goes through hell but always emerges more powerful than before.

That was what got me, too; that there was clearly something wrong, and I was trying to sort things out, but he was in fact too busy badmouthing me to her behind my back for me to get anywhere.
Chumplady is good if you need to "find your anger" and get a clear grip on the situation following gaslighting. But it does sound like this guy is admitting what he's been doing with a modicum of honesty, if he's actually volunteered that he's been vilifying you. Still a cowardly little toad nonetheless, but perhaps you'll be allowed to feel what you feel.