Well, here we are… another one

[Beachlives]

Sitting in my car trying to process that H has just told me he’s had an affair. Fucks sake.

i haven’t asked her name yet, I will though.
what. A. Dick

What a cunt.
Honestly how dare he. Keep focused on this- you gave him the benefit of trying while he wasn't already checked out. Weedling of a man.

Did he give you an idea that it's someone you do or don't know. Hoping it's some faceless trash from work etc who won't be any loss to you x

That’s what I’m most angry about (well, apart from the obvious) all the emotional effort and exhaustion when he was shagging someone else. Cunt isn’t a strong enough word. And it’s not one I use generally.

No one I know, and thankfully she doesn’t live in the immediate area so not someone I’m just going to bump into (not that I’d know if I did)

I hear your hurt and anger and it is entirely justified.

That's something, it's small but it will make it easier.

Yeah, I don’t think I want any details about her. It’s irrelevant.
I really thought that despite everything recently we’d grow old together.

thank you for listening it’s really helped.
Im going to go home now as I have to be up in about 4 hours for work.
really appreciate your support x

I'm so sorry, this is the hardest part, throwing your life up in the air. Take your time with everything that comes next.

Thinking of you, everything WILL be okay in the end, one foot in front of the other xx

@Beachlives you might still grow old together, but as someone else said, try not to make any decisions tonight, apart from where you are going to stay and get some rest (as.much as you can).

My situation was slightly different, but I didn't make a firm decision for a couple of months to see how he would behave after and how I felt about it.

Understandably it's raw and sucky right now. And what goes around...! ✊

But just think in a years time you could be in the arms of someone who truly cherishes you and makes you feel as deserved as you should be.

Don't let this dampen you. He's taken away so much already, don't let him take your light. Hold your head up high and be the boss lady you are!

You got this!

oh darlin I’m so sorry this is happening. I have no words of wisdom or advice just handholds and deep sadness. This is not ok and I’m sorry ur going thru this. Sending all bestest.

Seconding the recommendation to ChumpLady - www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-humiliating-dance-of-pick-me/

Chose the specific 'Pick-Me Dance' post, because it was bloody hard even reading - all the emotional effort and exhaustion when he was shagging someone else.
Yet here you are, living with it & dealing with it ...

Fuck him & fuck the bandy-legged donkey he rode in on.
Just think about getting through work tomorrow & preserving what peace you can for the DC.
All the rest can be done at your own pace.

Thinking of you. PP are here when you need them.
Chin up - dignity gets you through times of No Man better than Man gets you through times of no dignity.

Sorry you're having to deal with this , can you phone in suck tomorrow? Will you be able to concentrate at work?

Thirding the recco for Chump Lady. Honestly not sure I'd be sane without that site.

So sorry OP x

Just here to say I’m sorry. I’m glad she got mad and basically made him tell you.

im just so sorry.

he’s a throwaway you know… he’s not for you. He had to hurt someone to make him admit to hurting you. It’s a lot of hurt being thrown by him…. He lacks honor and worth.

You have honor and worth. Unfortunately, you need to bin him because logically he’s a weak bit of dung that clings to any shoe that crosses his path. He’s not for you.

Its the worry and policing of these types that will age your face and body, whilst fretting your mind. It’s the whole deal, like taking on a toddler who you have to sexually please.

Dont sign up for that. It’s gross and beneath you.

he’s a man in a diaper, looking for you to give him his needs…. Turn your back on him.

So sorry OP. We are all here for you

I'm so sorry OP.

I'm assuming with teenagers + you are somewhere between late 40s and early 60s... I know so many women (including myself) in that age group whose long term marriages have ended.

Without exception, after a period of (admittedly painful) adjustment , they have gone on to live much better, richer lives. Free of the need to look after an utter bastard and lose themselves in the process - which they often didn't realise they were doing until they looked back and reflected. Free to pursue relationships that bring only positive things to their lives - or be entirely happy on their own.

Please tell all your friends and family. Don’t protect him. He’s the one who’s been a dick.

It’s a betrayal and so hurtful. Trust is broken. I’ve been there.

wishing the best for you.

Whoops didn’t mean to use a quote. Hadn’t even seen it.

But I will say, after reading it, I wish I’d told my family and friends when my husband cheated on me.

Ugfh... didnt want to read and run...

So, he ended it a while ago and now she's bitter and angry and he's confessing as he has a guilty concious aye?

Or, shes decided to force his hand in some way and is threatening to tell you so he's decided to get in there first with his version of events, as if that is somehow better.

Please take care of yourself OP and don't buy any bullshit.

Sorry you’re joining this shitty club that we never wanted to be members of OP. I’m 9 months out from finding out about my H’s affair and we’re still together - by the skin of my teeth. It’s been very very hard - the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m still not sure how it will work out. It was also a year-long affair, also a “my wife doesn’t understand me” stupid “midlife crisis” thing, we also had troubles in our marriage that I’d thought were improving.

I agree with the advice to not make any decisions right now. There’s no rush, get him to leave to give you some breathing space and decide what you want to do going forward.

If you definitely plan to leave Chump Lady can be good, but if you’re unsure I recommend the Affair Recovery and Surviving Infidelity websites. Feel free to pm if you want to talk.