Well, here we are… another one

[Beachlives]

Sitting in my car trying to process that H has just told me he’s had an affair. Fucks sake.

I bet the little schemer is still shagging her. {Been there myself, like OP}
The lies are so common, unfortunately.

I’m so sorry OP. I know what a horrible shock it is - it’s actually a form of trauma. Focus on you and taking care of yourself. You’ll be in shock for a while. I would really recommend investing in therapy for yourself; it made a massive difference to me (I discovered my husband’s affair 5 months ago). And don’t make any permanent decisions while in shock. Take your time. If you want him out of the house while you process what’s happened, then ask for space. There’s no one way to handle infidelity (despite what Mumsnet says). I’d recommend Infidelity Recovery forums - there’s one for people
who have just discovered the affair and it’ll provide you with lots of advice from people who are in the same situation as you.

Here to support you OP.

Having an affair is just awful anyway but what makes it worse for me is that he was NEVER going to be honest with you and tell you upfront. He could have told you, at any point during the last 12 months but didn't! He's only told you because the OW was going to tell you.

And when you get round to finding out more information, i.e. talk to him (I feel sick for you at just the thought of you having to do that), he'll do the usual whinge of 'you weren't there for me', 'we were going through a difficult time and I needed help from her', 'you never show me you love me'...blah bollocks blah...

I hope you can find support and help from your family and friends. I hope the kids are ok too when they find out. Don't get me wrong, there's never a good time but a week before xmas? fuck me.

So sorry to hear this OP. What an arsehole.... having another affair while you were working on the marriage in good faith. It ends here. No more second chances for him.

I hope he's had the decency to move out and give you some space. And he needs to be the one to tell the kids.

So sorry to hear this OP.

So sorry to hear this op. I too have been there, and it’s shit. Hugs to you

What a shit thing to do, sending love

Everybody has a different way of dealing with something like this. This may not be for you but I found it very empowering to take full control of the situation when this happened to me.
I was due to spend a month abroad with my partner. He had already been out there for 6 months and as the time drew nearer he became distant then 1 week before my flight he told me he'd been seeing someone else for 3 months. I made the decision to go anyway strictly as friend. I told him not to see her whilst I was there and to at least have the decency to look after me whilst I was there, he did. I returned home after my lovely holiday then finished with him by text.

If I was in your position, and if you can find the strength, I would tell him that you hadn't yet decided what you wanted to happen next but that you expect him to make Christmas amazing for you and the kids and sleep in the spare room (if there is one). Rise above it. Let him run around wondering what you are thinking. Enjoy Christmas and all ways he tries to win you back. Then chuck him out.

I'm sorry this is happening. I hope you are well.

Tell him to go and stay in a hotel, including over Christmas. Tell your kids that he had an affair, and that you’re not prepared to spend Christmas with him. Don’t waste your pity on her. She is as guilty as him. You deserve sooooo much better, and by ditching the slimy wanker you will get it.

So sorry op 💐

So sorry this has happened to you, take your time to try and work out what you want to do. just make sure you put yourself first, as your future is the most important thing, and what suits you best, not him!

When you say 'another one' do you mean he's done this before or it's 'another' thread from a betrayed spouse/partner? Either way it really sucks.

How on earth would this woman have gotten your work email? And why on earth would anyone think it was appropriate to email someone such devastating news at work. She must be a half-wit.

My cousin had similar in that she and her cheating ex were actually in marriage counseling to 'heal' from his cheating. Then about 6 months in her BFF saw her ex and the OW hand in hand strolling in the local mall looking all lovey-dovey. Cousin said that the only 'good' thing about it was that rather than 'double devastating' her, it infuriated her to think she was baring her soul in front of him and doing all the 'homework' suggested by the counselor, when all the time he was just mouthing lies and blaming her for his cheating. So find your fury and keep it stoked.

You do whatever you need to do to look after yourself and start to move forward. But before you take any definitive action, get your arse to a solicitor and find out just exactly what your position is w/r/t finances and asset split, especially if you own/buying a home. Once you know that, you'll know the best way to proceed.

Yeah he ended it a while ago apparently but she’s not happy about it and is now threatening to tell me

More likely that after a year she's pushing for commitment, isn't getting it and is trying to force the issue, but at least it's now obvious why he told you

I'm deeply sorry you're in this horrible position - as many of us know the pain's dreadful - and agree with PPs that there's no immediate rush. You can act in your own good time, but do also be aware that his "regret" may very soon turn into something else completely if things aren't going his way. Sooner or later it'll all become "your fault for driving him to it", so getting proper legal advice on your position could be a wise move

This is happened to me with three young children except he left. He took the new girlfriend to a ball where most of the parents of the school has tickets about a week or two later . Most of the parents who went told me they felt embarrassed about it. You will get through this, stay classy it’s his loss!

What does your title means? is it not his first ?

I'm so sorry OP what an arsehole! It sounds like he's confessed because he was concerned that she was going to tell you first. I hope you have lots of people to support you 💐

Ach, for fuck's sake. What a prick. We're all here for love, plenty of us have been there.

Fucker. Hope you've got through the day reasonably OK.

So sorry op that's just awful. Have you got family support

I’m sorry. That’s rubbish.

You say another one... It’s harsh but I guess this situation is not surprising. We all know once a cheat always a cheat, so presumably you knew this was inevitable.

Still, it’s rubbish and you can do better. Your kids are old enough now. Get rid of him and find some joy. He’s more cost than benefit and his pace is in the curb. x

I'm so sorry OP, what a time for this to explode.

💐

This op, although took me a year or so.

😂😂😂😂😂

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Absolute c*p that he has only told you because he is worried the OW is threatening to tell you by email. Even more C*p that it is so close to Christmas.

If your children are very young, are you in a position to put on a front for them until After Boxing Day? He's made it so that as well as spoiling your Christmas by devastating you, he has done his best to ruin Christmas for your kids too. It will also give you a bit of time to process what you want to do, IF you can manage to do it for the kids.

And the OW is a b**ch too. Has an affair with a married man and is surprised when he eventually ends it - and threatens to tell his wife, weeks/months (?) later just before Christmas. Sounds like they actually deserve each other

As a pp said, make him run around after you at Christmas, sleep in the spare room and don't let him know what you are thinking until after the Festive season is over.