Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My husband hit me for the first time and now I don't know what to do

604 replies

Louise33388 · 12/12/2022 13:12

Hi,

I'm really looking for some advice as I can't go to my family and friends as I feel to embarrassed. My husband and I have been together for nearly 7 years now and he's always been pretty placid and laid back and then the other night we had an argument where it ended with him slapping me across the face and then pinning me against the wall by my throat. He let go quite quickly. After I started to cry from shock as to what just happened. I never thought he would do something like that. He then instantly turned around and said he didn't do it and he never hit me. I was stunned - how could he not know what he just did. The next morning we chatted about it and he still claims that he can't remember what happened and he has no recollection of him hitting me. He assures me he will do everything in his power so that it will never happen again.

It's just now, I have no idea how to behave around him, I don't feel like myself, I feel I can't tell anyone. I honestly don't know what to do with myself. I love him and I really don't want us to separate. Could this be a one off? Or am I being silly by thinking it could be.

Any advice, help, anything would be so appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Louise33388 · 12/12/2022 13:14

Also worth mentioning, we have no kids. We've ben trying for a few years but without any luck.

OP posts:
YoSofi · 12/12/2022 13:15

He does remember.

You need to leave. Grabbing you by the throat is a huge indicator that he is likely to kill you in future.

Get out.

Shoxfordian · 12/12/2022 13:16

My advice is to leave him; he’s done it once and he’ll do it again. Strangulation is especially concerning; he could kill you next time.

Speak to women’s aid, get some real life support, you have nothing to be embarrassed about

Unicorn2022 · 12/12/2022 13:18

You have to leave him. It's a blessing in disguise that you don't have kids with him. The violence plus gaslighting is a deadly combination.

villamariavintrapp · 12/12/2022 13:18

He will do 'everything in his power', not to do it again. What is he doing to ensure that? Has he done anything?
Why didn't he do everything in his power not to do it last time? Was he ok with hitting you then? And strangling you?
You should leave. He's the kind of man who hits women and grabs them by the throat if they disagree with him.

Greyskyblue · 12/12/2022 13:19

It will escalate. Grabbing you by the throat can kill you. Next time it may well do. Gaslighting you and denying it is another red flag. Speak to women’s aid, your GP - anyone. You need to leave. Please confide in your family.

ValerieDoonican · 12/12/2022 13:19

I'm sure he'd prefer not to remember. That would be very convenient for him wouldn't it? However, you know what happened, and actually, he does too.

Don't give him the chance to do it again.

Sprouttreesareamazing · 12/12/2022 13:19

Well thank fuck there are no dc involved.. When my exh crossed the line I took off my rings and made plans to leave. We had dc but if we hadn't I would have ended things that day.

JengaNonConfirming · 12/12/2022 13:19

Seek the support of your friends and family - any sense of shame/embarrassment is his alone. I expect you didn't ever think he'd hit you once, so how can you stay with him, surely you'll always be worried when he will do it again? Putting his hands on your throat is a huge red flag.
Oh, and he does remember, how could he not!?! Now he's trying to get you to accept his behaviour and pretend it didn't happen, but you both know what he did

Ravageur · 12/12/2022 13:19

please leave while you're still able to 💐

LickYouLikeACrispPacket · 12/12/2022 13:20

Make sure it’s the last time he hits you. Please leave him.

user1471521072 · 12/12/2022 13:20

Get out now before you get pregnant! It's much easier to get away if you don't have children.

He's lying. He knows very well what he did. He's afraid you'll call the police.

Eddielizzard · 12/12/2022 13:20

He does remember, he doesn't want to take responsibility. He's crossed a line, your trust in him is broken.

MaizeBlouse · 12/12/2022 13:21

He does remember. Im going to be another voice urging you to leave him.
Do not have children with this man. Parenting can push a mentally well person to the very limits sometimes, he will harm you again.

RelentlessForwardProgress · 12/12/2022 13:23

I'm really sorry this happened to you.

You must be in shock.

Please leave. I know that's an awful prospect when you love someone and were expecting to spend your life with them, but he's dangerous to you. Please go now before you have a child and are 100 x more trapped.

Is there someone in real life you think you could manage to tell? even if you text or message them so you don't have to say it out loud? You need some support.

Newuser82 · 12/12/2022 13:23

I really feel for you. That must have been so scary! I'd also make plans to leave. I really hope you can do that quickly!

DrMarciaFieldstone · 12/12/2022 13:23

Leave.

RaRaRaspoutine · 12/12/2022 13:24

He doesn't get another chance. Please leave and save yoursef. Wishing you the best of luck.

JustCakeInDrag · 12/12/2022 13:24

Please please please leave. Write down what happened so he can't gaslight you and make you doubt your own memory. You can go to the police if you want but you don't have to if you aren't ready. You might want to in the future.

Please talk to someone in real life. You have absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

Crunchingleaf · 12/12/2022 13:24

I am very sorry you have found yourself in this situation. Now that he has been violent once the threat is always there that it could happen again. The next time you have an argument you will likely find yourself afraid to stand your ground and upset him, he won’t have to raise a finger. It’s unlikely to be a once off OP especially since he grabbed your throat and has denied doing it.

Do you have children OP?
Ring a domestic abuse charity and you can talk to them about what happened.

WhineWhineWINE · 12/12/2022 13:25

He will do it again. Leave and don't look back. You deserve better.

WhenDovesFly · 12/12/2022 13:26

If you stay you'll always worry that he'll do it again, or worse.

If you go on to have DC, you'll always worry that he'll lose his temper and shake or hit one of them.

The face slap was awful enough, as was the gaslighting. The hand round the throat is unforgivable.

Sorry OP, I'm also saying you should leave this relationship. It's very rare it's only ever a 'one-off'.

OppositeNumber · 12/12/2022 13:26

Get out. No question, no excuses.

Ponderingwindow · 12/12/2022 13:26

You can spend the rest of your life in fear. If you have children they will grow up in a house where if they are lucky they will only watch their mother being beaten, not be beaten themselves.

or

you can walk away and build a real future for yourself and any children you might have

WednesdayFridayAddams · 12/12/2022 13:27

LTB

Swipe left for the next trending thread