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Original poster

Can't fucking believe this.

524 replies

CannotBelieveThisIsHappening · 12/12/2022 01:28

My daughter is 16. She's a slim, curvy, pretty girl. Not that it matters.

She has started occasionally giving my partner a quick hug now and again. He has never initiated before but does reciprocate.

Today, she was wearing her usual baggy tracky bottoms (that are too big for her so sit on her hips rather than her waist 🙄), bra and a cropped vest top She had her brand new supersoft fleecy dressing gown on over the top.

My partner and I went out this afternoon for a bit and she came over to give us both a hug. I called her ted and gave her a big squeeze referencing the fact she's like a teddy bear in it.

She went to hug him and he said "Come on then. You look curvy... cuddly" he definitely said curvy which was clearly in error and corrected it immediately to cuddly.

She did look cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

Cuddly is fine. Curvy is not.

I can't fucking believe it.

OP posts:
CheekyHobson · 12/12/2022 04:02

Perhaps the best thing to do is just to lay it all out for your partner and see what he says/how he reacts.

Personally I think it sounds like an unfortunate but not necessarily sinister slip of the tongue. Maybe he was noticing that she is looking like a grown woman now but it doesn't necessarily mean he wants to shag her. I have friends who have teenage sons who have grown into handsome young men but it doesn't mean I'm thinking salacious thoughts about them just because I can see why teenage girls would be besotted.

Tell him that you felt uncomfortable that he made a slip of the tongue because obviously your daughter is becoming a woman and you know that can change how men look at her. If you felt uncomfortable that he might be thinking of her sexually, ask him if he is. If you thought he might be judging her, tell him that. If you felt afraid he might find her more attractive that you, tell him that.

His response will tell you what you need to know. If he seems embarrassed and at pains to assure you it was a silly slip and that he harbours no sexual intent towards her at all (nor any less attraction to you) then I would just file this in the 'probably no big deal' category and move on (though if there were future incidents, I would reconsider the relationship). However if he becomes angry or defensive, or protests too much, that would be a red flag for me and probably cause to end it.

However if what you're looking for is for him to tell you that - as a grown man, unrelated to you or your daughter he has never noticed that your daughter is an attractive young woman, then you are probably hoping for something unrealistic.

cherriegarcia · 12/12/2022 04:05

If you have no other concerns about him then this seems a bit over the top.

AgentJohnson · 12/12/2022 04:14

The hugging seems to be pushing a boundary and it’s something I would not be turning a blind eye to. I understand your sensitivity but ending a long term relationship over this incident is OTT.

lahadley · 12/12/2022 04:43

Agree with this comment.
Very over-dramatic!

& Prob. more to do with being threatened by daughts (whether intended or not).

There's a fine line between platonic and sexual love/care. The fact that your partner lapsed into doting at your inappropriately dressed daughter, is no red flag on him.

pompomdaisy · 12/12/2022 04:52

I don't think it can just be this one interaction op because you seem to be over reacting. Have you picked up on non verbals before? If not then I think you should wait to be in a relationship because it's probably not going to work whilst you are hyper focused on how he feels / acts towards your daughter.

Ilovehamandtoast · 12/12/2022 04:53

This reply has been deleted

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FallingsHowIFeel · 12/12/2022 04:57

If you think he’s a perv, get rid. It’s not worth any risk.

SunflowerTed · 12/12/2022 05:14

Your actions are way OTT? Are you jealous of your 16 year old daughter? Not sure what your partner has done wrong? Do you see her as competition??????

britneyisfree · 12/12/2022 05:17

Not OTT at all op. Don't let people change your mind. Follow your instincts.

Rinatinabina · 12/12/2022 05:41

I think if your instincts are telling you it’s off then listen to those. It’s not just the words it’s in tone or a look etc plus once the ick sets in it’s near impossible to get rid of and you’ll find yourself constantly monitoring their interactions even if nothing happens.

Sleeplessinjersey · 12/12/2022 05:41

CannotBelieveThisIsHappening · 12/12/2022 01:28

My daughter is 16. She's a slim, curvy, pretty girl. Not that it matters.

She has started occasionally giving my partner a quick hug now and again. He has never initiated before but does reciprocate.

Today, she was wearing her usual baggy tracky bottoms (that are too big for her so sit on her hips rather than her waist 🙄), bra and a cropped vest top She had her brand new supersoft fleecy dressing gown on over the top.

My partner and I went out this afternoon for a bit and she came over to give us both a hug. I called her ted and gave her a big squeeze referencing the fact she's like a teddy bear in it.

She went to hug him and he said "Come on then. You look curvy... cuddly" he definitely said curvy which was clearly in error and corrected it immediately to cuddly.

She did look cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

Cuddly is fine. Curvy is not.

I can't fucking believe it.

Eeeeew get rid

TooGood2BeFalse · 12/12/2022 06:03

Why does what the daughter was wearing have anything to do with it?I'm more disturbed by the original description tbh.

Dita73 · 12/12/2022 06:10

Bit dodgy

Tirrrrred · 12/12/2022 06:14

You describe her as curvy yourself 😆😆

Butterfly44 · 12/12/2022 06:19

Yes end the relationship. Completely justifiable. No way should he have uttered a wrong word. No room for any mistakes or understanding. Find someone else!

OneMomentPlease · 12/12/2022 06:47

I’m surprised by the comments here. OP no one else was there so no one else could pick up on the vibes you got. Your instinct is telling you something and you should never ignore that.

AlfaRomeoWhereArtThou · 12/12/2022 06:50

Several people pointing out that OP is describing her daughter as curvy herself. She has probably done so to provide context to her partners' comment for us readers. I doubt she's going around describing her 16 yo as "curvy" in everyday life.

OP, I would openly discuss with partner and assess his response before making any decisions regarding the future of the relationship.

Herejustforthisone · 12/12/2022 06:51

I actually don’t think the OP is overreacting. Her partner of a couple of years has let slip that he looks at her 16 year old daughter in an entirely non-paternal way. And that’s not good, if he’s planning on being in her life as a father-figure and has known her since she was 13/14, possibly younger.

ememem84 · 12/12/2022 06:51

Spartak · 12/12/2022 01:36

Unless there are other things that are concerning you, this seems a bit over dramatic.

I called my boss Dad the other day. It was a slip of the tongue, I'm not about to invite him over for Christmas lunch.

Show quote history

I said “love you bye” to my boss on Friday….

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 12/12/2022 06:52

Why is you boyfriend hugging your teenage daughter? I’d find it weird and inappropriate, unless they had known each other for a while.

Maldedos · 12/12/2022 06:53

its tricky. I’m dreadful for coming out with the wrong phrase/word. Especially if I’m tired. It doesn’t mean that is what I was secretly thinking.
Only you can decide op.

GrinAndVomit · 12/12/2022 06:56

Rinatinabina · 12/12/2022 05:41

I think if your instincts are telling you it’s off then listen to those. It’s not just the words it’s in tone or a look etc plus once the ick sets in it’s near impossible to get rid of and you’ll find yourself constantly monitoring their interactions even if nothing happens.

Agree

FallingsHowIFeel · 12/12/2022 06:58

Tirrrrred · 12/12/2022 06:14

You describe her as curvy yourself 😆😆

Presumably to explain that she is to explain its accurate and why he might have that in his head 🤮....but it would be extremely inappropriate for her mothers boyfriend to be thinking that about her. He should see her as a child. Unfortunately pervy fuckers do see any female in a sexual way, even when they’re children of their girlfriend. Sick fucks.

jamdonut · 12/12/2022 06:58

I think you’re reading way too much into what was obviously a slip of the tongue. Sounds like he probably could’ve kicked himself when he said it, if he corrected straight away. Unless you have other reasons for doubting his intentions, it’s a bit over the top to end a relationship over it!

ofmybloodyself · 12/12/2022 06:59

fifteenohfour · 12/12/2022 02:47

@ofmybloodyself coupled with what fact exactly? OP never says he has enthusiastically started hugging back? Where did you get that from?

he has a daughter himself how will it go down you accusing him of being sexually inappropriate with your daughter (the only conclusion I can draw from this mildly awkward at best hug) he was thinking what you have yourself pointed out to be true, your teenage daughter is developing curves. That is not an inherently sexual comment either. You said your self she is curvy???

Seems like you are looking for a reason to get rid. As you said yourself your daughter didn't even realise, only you.

You're absolutely right, I read back after I posted and realised that too. It still sounds icky to me though. A gut 'wrong' feeling. But I wasn't there. Only you, OP, know if there is more to this and I guess you have to go with what your own feelings. Maybe it's just a little bit of jealousy or maybe it's more. If it's more, there will probably be other more subtle things you've seen but not consciously registered before.