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Original poster

Can't fucking believe this.

524 replies

CannotBelieveThisIsHappening · 12/12/2022 01:28

My daughter is 16. She's a slim, curvy, pretty girl. Not that it matters.

She has started occasionally giving my partner a quick hug now and again. He has never initiated before but does reciprocate.

Today, she was wearing her usual baggy tracky bottoms (that are too big for her so sit on her hips rather than her waist 🙄), bra and a cropped vest top She had her brand new supersoft fleecy dressing gown on over the top.

My partner and I went out this afternoon for a bit and she came over to give us both a hug. I called her ted and gave her a big squeeze referencing the fact she's like a teddy bear in it.

She went to hug him and he said "Come on then. You look curvy... cuddly" he definitely said curvy which was clearly in error and corrected it immediately to cuddly.

She did look cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

Cuddly is fine. Curvy is not.

I can't fucking believe it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CannotBelieveThisIsHappening · 12/12/2022 01:44

ofmybloodyself · 12/12/2022 01:42

But if this is true, yes, it does show that your partner has now started to notice your daughter's developing figure. I suppose in some ways you could argue that's to be expected. But coupled with the fact he's suddenly starting to hug back a little more enthusiastically than he used to, yeah, that would put me right off him.

Normal to notice it, I suspect. I notice it after all. But a Freudian Slip like that just feels wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
CannotBelieveThisIsHappening · 12/12/2022 01:46

Spartak · 12/12/2022 01:43

So talk to him about it like an adult.

He immediately corrected his slip of the tongue and your daughter was unbothered.

No need to create a huge drama if you want out of the relationship, but maybe set some boundaries around your teenager daughter and hugging of your boyfriends in the future.

Show quote history

There are no 'boyfriends' plural. I've been single for most of the past 10 years. I've dated a bit and she's met a couple briefly but this is the only one she has had any sort of relationship with. Weve neen together fora couple of years and known each other a lot longer. She likes him that's why she has hugged him. I'm not going to police who she hugs. She's 16.

OP posts:
Busybutbored · 12/12/2022 02:01

She was wearing a skimpy outfit and he noticed because he has eyes (as would a female) and accidentally said something which he corrected. It doesn't mean anything, or that he fancies her.
Just talk to him (although probably pointless as he corrected himself anyway). If it makes you uncomfortable, then just dump and move on if you can't get past it

GeorgiaGirl52 · 12/12/2022 02:03

Maybe also suggest to your daughter that she close up the robe so that her bra and hanging low pants aren't on exhibit? And before anyone starts screaming "Slut shaming" if her mother noticed how she was dressed in such detail then a normal man would too. She is 16 not 6. She is well aware of how people respond to clothing or lack thereof.
I raised two daughters and although it is out-of-date, I taught them the "M-word" -modesty.

Bewitched005 · 12/12/2022 02:06

Your post's title tells m that you are prone to dramatic overreaction.

misssunshine4040 · 12/12/2022 02:17

GeorgiaGirl52 · 12/12/2022 02:03

Maybe also suggest to your daughter that she close up the robe so that her bra and hanging low pants aren't on exhibit? And before anyone starts screaming "Slut shaming" if her mother noticed how she was dressed in such detail then a normal man would too. She is 16 not 6. She is well aware of how people respond to clothing or lack thereof.
I raised two daughters and although it is out-of-date, I taught them the "M-word" -modesty.

Daughter can dress how she likes in her own home.
She had a pair of tracksuit bottoms a top and big dressing gown on!
What she wears is irrelevant

knittingaddict · 12/12/2022 02:20

TheShellBeach · 12/12/2022 01:33

Who's said they think it's a troll post?

Show quote history

Come on. 😀The first two posts.

OldFan · 12/12/2022 02:20

I think it was just an unfortunate slip of the tongue.

She wouldn'tve looked massively curvy anyway as the big dressing gown would've concealed her shape a bit.

Original poster
CannotBelieveThisIsHappening · 12/12/2022 02:23

Her dressing gown was open but it seems most people think I'm over reacting.

Maybe I'm just more sensitive towards this sort of thing than I need to be.

OP posts:
OldFan · 12/12/2022 02:23

close up the robe so that her bra and hanging low pants aren't on exhibit?

She did have a crop top on, she wasn't just wandering round in a bra (and she's at home anyway.)

Original poster
CannotBelieveThisIsHappening · 12/12/2022 02:24

OldFan · 12/12/2022 02:23

close up the robe so that her bra and hanging low pants aren't on exhibit?

She did have a crop top on, she wasn't just wandering round in a bra (and she's at home anyway.)

That's how I feel tbh.

OP posts:
OldFan · 12/12/2022 02:34

And so her joggers start quite low on her- that can be flattering on the right person, but it's not like she's showing bum crack or anything.

I honestly just think he made a mistake OP, maybe also he is aware of trying to navigate the relationship with her in her home etc.

Has he said/done anything else to cause you concern @CannotBelieveThisIsHappening ?

Original poster
CannotBelieveThisIsHappening · 12/12/2022 02:44

OldFan · 12/12/2022 02:34

And so her joggers start quite low on her- that can be flattering on the right person, but it's not like she's showing bum crack or anything.

I honestly just think he made a mistake OP, maybe also he is aware of trying to navigate the relationship with her in her home etc.

Has he said/done anything else to cause you concern @CannotBelieveThisIsHappening ?

Thank you.

It does look flattering on her an no bum crack on show.

No, nothing at all. They've actually got a really nice relationship and he hasn't said anything concerning otherwise either.

OP posts:
fifteenohfour · 12/12/2022 02:47

@ofmybloodyself coupled with what fact exactly? OP never says he has enthusiastically started hugging back? Where did you get that from?

he has a daughter himself how will it go down you accusing him of being sexually inappropriate with your daughter (the only conclusion I can draw from this mildly awkward at best hug) he was thinking what you have yourself pointed out to be true, your teenage daughter is developing curves. That is not an inherently sexual comment either. You said your self she is curvy???

Seems like you are looking for a reason to get rid. As you said yourself your daughter didn't even realise, only you.

Sugargliderwombat · 12/12/2022 02:54

Sounds like he's given you the ick. Slip of the tongue or not its pretty gross to hear a grown man call a 16 year old curvy before he hugs them. It probably was innocent but I can see why you'd feel like you didn't want to be with him after all.

OldFan · 12/12/2022 02:56

I can understand it making you feel cringe and creeped out @CannotBelieveThisIsHappening .

But hopefully it's just one of those things. I called my mum 'scrumpsh' once by mistake. 😂 I don't want to shag my mum or look at her lasiviously or anything.

WandaWonder · 12/12/2022 02:56

No matter whatcwe think of the comment I am not sure you will ever not think about it anymore, can you imagine now not thinking everytime they are in the same room as each other 'what is going on/what did he mean by that' etc.

Not saying what is right or not or what should happen

Bagpuss2022 · 12/12/2022 03:22

With some one who’s stepfather made similar comments and also SA and Ra*ed me from 11-17 say goodbye might seem a overreaction but the other option can never be forgotten

batchainpuller · 12/12/2022 03:32

You sound jealous of her.

WiddlinDiddlin · 12/12/2022 03:44

So... YOU say she's curvy in your second sentence.

It's ok for you to refer to that attribute, but when he says something, then corrects it... he's out, on his ear, no second chances, he's clearly a dirty bastard?

Is it not likely that the more enthusiastic hugs are simply a matter of becoming more familiar and comfortable with a person?

I don't really hug folk but theres a couple of friends I am so familiar and comfy with, we can snuggle on the sofa, tuck feet under the others thigh for warmth/space sharing... its entirely platonic, but it is affectionate. It also took a while to develop. Isn't that normal for .. humans?

GingerScallop · 12/12/2022 03:50

WandaWonder · 12/12/2022 02:56

No matter whatcwe think of the comment I am not sure you will ever not think about it anymore, can you imagine now not thinking everytime they are in the same room as each other 'what is going on/what did he mean by that' etc.

Not saying what is right or not or what should happen

This OP. All of this

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 12/12/2022 03:51

GeorgiaGirl52 · 12/12/2022 02:03

Maybe also suggest to your daughter that she close up the robe so that her bra and hanging low pants aren't on exhibit? And before anyone starts screaming "Slut shaming" if her mother noticed how she was dressed in such detail then a normal man would too. She is 16 not 6. She is well aware of how people respond to clothing or lack thereof.
I raised two daughters and although it is out-of-date, I taught them the "M-word" -modesty.

Yeah, this.

Frankly i find the hugging weird and inappropriate too. He's your boyfriend, not hers.

JustLyra · 12/12/2022 03:52

You were there. You know him and you know your situation.

If your instinct is telling you the comment was off and you don’t want him around you or your DD then absolutely end it.

Too often people in relationship look for ways to excuse behaviour that makes them uncomfortable. This has made you uncomfortable so listen to your gut and walk away.

miraveile · 12/12/2022 03:57

Agree, you sound jealous.
Why is your daughter hugging your boyfriend anyway? Does she feel obliged to do that? How long has she known him?

MrGruber · 12/12/2022 04:00

Totally agree JustLyra & Bagpuss2022 ...you are definitely not overreacting and in my case too , such behaviour was warning of future sexual violence