Can't fucking believe this.

[CannotBelieveThisIsHappening]

My daughter is 16. She's a slim, curvy, pretty girl. Not that it matters.

She has started occasionally giving my partner a quick hug now and again. He has never initiated before but does reciprocate.

Today, she was wearing her usual baggy tracky bottoms (that are too big for her so sit on her hips rather than her waist 🙄), bra and a cropped vest top She had her brand new supersoft fleecy dressing gown on over the top.

My partner and I went out this afternoon for a bit and she came over to give us both a hug. I called her ted and gave her a big squeeze referencing the fact she's like a teddy bear in it.

She went to hug him and he said "Come on then. You look curvy... cuddly" he definitely said curvy which was clearly in error and corrected it immediately to cuddly.

She did look cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

Cuddly is fine. Curvy is not.

I can't fucking believe it.

It does.

It's how I've always felt too.

@FallingsHowIFeel you are overreacting to my post.

Dressing in 'not very much' is "impractical on some levels".

I have done lots of it through the years and have received some awful responses from men. It was (sadly) not within my gift to change all the sleazy men I met.

But I do wish I was more aware of men perving on me at the time so I could have protected myself. I was young and naive and just wearing the clothes which I felt good in.

Op's dd shouldn't be cuddling a man in this context.

The hugging is weird. Sorry OP, but it is.

Even if it was a slip of the tongue, it’s clearly made you uncomfortable (and rightly so).

He sounds like a slimy perv and I wouldn’t want him in my house or around my daughter.

I also grew up being groped by an uncle. I wish someone had talked to me about how some men are and taught me how to keep safe.

I was young and trusting and felt obligated to be nice. I was vulnerable.

She's a very affectionate person

You can be affectionate without full-on body hugs. A teen girl should not be hugging an older adult man she’s not related to, at least. A very brief - one second - hug might be ok, at best.

What an odd and overly detailed way to describe your own daughter

Re: Unwanted hugs. I have a nephew who hugs me and I hate it. I like him but I don’t want that physical contact, I prefer only to be touched by my own partner and DC.

I ‘reciprocate’ for a second as I feel like I have to, but I would never initiate as I don’t actually want to. His parents often comment fondly on just how affectionate and loving he is and have always encouraged him to hug, in a “say goodbye to so and so” sort of way. Because they think it’s cute presumably and are touchy people themselves.

You keep saying that your DD is affectionate and doesn’t have family members to hug. That doesn’t matter, her urge to be affectionate doesn’t take priority

Is she at school/college?
good friendship group?

You’re more concerned over a TEENAGER wearing what she feels comfortable in IN HER OWN HOME than a GROWN ADULT MALE commenting on said teenagers figure?

What the hell is wrong with you?????

He’s an easy problem to solve. Get rid.

Your daughter though requires much more effort and involvement long term to teach her boundaries and appropriate behaviour and reading a situation

I met my step dad at 17. I never hugged him. Although I never hugged my dad either.

That's all it is anyway. And not often. She hugs me all the time. She occasionally hugs him if we're going out.

Trust that instinct.

Plus the hugging happed around my parents and my auntie. It never occurred to me I may be vulnerable. But I was and the unspoken approval towards my Uncle's behaviour sent a strong message that I was obligated to accept his hugs.

He was a huggy person. He was just being friendly and fun.

Yeah right.

Goodness you have got quite het up.

my advice. I have made clear. Get rid of him. He’s grim. Easy as that.

the daughter needs her focus.

My teen girl hugs ME all the time too

She does not hug men she’s known for a couple of years wearing hardly anything with an open dressing gown on

I've never encouraged her to hug anyone. I've always taught her that her body is her own. But that means that, if she wants to hug someone, she will. If they're clearly uncomfortable with it and she didn't realise I'd point it out to her.

But like I said, I se the hugs when they happen. They are just fleeting. They're fine.

The man you brought into your family fancies your daughter. No surprise there. She's started hugging him - inappropriate. You know the solution - dump him. Do it. And don't bring men home until your children have moved out.

She initiates. He never would.

Oh and I’m a single parent and we have hardly any family. So all this “she doesn’t have much family” doesn’t wash Op

Quite het up yes because it’s absolutely disgusting to read how grown adults are sexualising a teenager for wearing a crop top and dressing gown in her own home.

So many freaks on this thread who believe it’s ok to sexualise young guys on how they choose to dress at home. So disturbing.

I just couldn't bare it. They should be comfortable and safe at home.

Did you ever think he would say what he said???

Yep. Both of those. She has a part time job. Shes doing well and is happy.

OP if you've commented more recently on your daughters appearance when in conversation with your BF and especially used the work 'curvy' as you did in your opening sentence then it was more likely a slip of the tongue as it was in his head, and he did correct himself immediately.
Unless there's more to it and there's anything else giving you doubt then I wouldn't go and end something good you have (if it is good). If it's worrying you, just bring it up and say "did you call her curvy?" You might find he says it was a mistake anyway, then you can keep an eye on things.

'Curvy' is a weird word to use if you're thinking it was in a sexual context. If I was out and a male referred to me as curvy I'd have thought he was insinuating I was a bit chubby in a polite way!?
If he'd have said come here then sexy give us a cuddle then THAT would have been inappropriate!

I think these days people are too over sensitive, I was on a works do recently. 2 of my male colleagues complimented me. One said "it's probably really inappropriate of me to say this but I think you look stunning this evening". Personally I don't think that's inappropriate at all it was an innocent compliment. The other said "bloody hell you scrub up well don't you" again, I don't think that's inappropriate, it was a compliment. And actually my response was "what you normally saying I look like a tramp at work" he laughed.. I could have gone off the rails, I could have reported it to HR. But absolutely NOT. They were just comments made which can have 2 completely different perceptions.

If I was in your situation, I would more so keep an eye on things and if anything else concerned me then I'd LTB, but in my eyes he actually hasn't done anything wrong OP.
But she's your girl, and you're being a protective mother as you should, so ultimately it's completely up to you what you want to do