Can't fucking believe this.

[CannotBelieveThisIsHappening]

My daughter is 16. She's a slim, curvy, pretty girl. Not that it matters.

She has started occasionally giving my partner a quick hug now and again. He has never initiated before but does reciprocate.

Today, she was wearing her usual baggy tracky bottoms (that are too big for her so sit on her hips rather than her waist 🙄), bra and a cropped vest top She had her brand new supersoft fleecy dressing gown on over the top.

My partner and I went out this afternoon for a bit and she came over to give us both a hug. I called her ted and gave her a big squeeze referencing the fact she's like a teddy bear in it.

She went to hug him and he said "Come on then. You look curvy... cuddly" he definitely said curvy which was clearly in error and corrected it immediately to cuddly.

She did look cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

Cuddly is fine. Curvy is not.

I can't fucking believe it.

Obviously not all men are. But 16 is the age of consent in the U.K., so no one is implying paedophilia.

Females of this age and their virginity have been fetishised in popular culture eg Brittney spears and it is people who grew up in that era who are now c.40yrs old and so are the current “adults”.

I myself had a lot of unwanted attention at that age and younger, including from a stepdad who entered the family when I was c.7yrs old. This sent me off the rails and I became very promiscuous during my mid-teens and can attest plenty of men are perverted enough to take advantage of and essentially rape vulnerable and/or naive young women who they wrongly think are interested in them due to merely being friendly.

Not saying OP’s partner is like this, but with the experiences I had at that age, it’s just a time where you suddenly become very appealing to a lot of men and so some basic awareness of this and how you conduct yourself can save you being taken advantage of during this time.

To say that a typical straight man would find the fully developed physical form of a 16 year old sexually attractive is not saying they're a paedophile.

Although it would obviously be a gross thing to actually do, if you compared the body of a typical fully developed 16 year old girl with a typical 20 year old woman, you probably couldn't differentiate between them with any confidence.

You're letting your rightful disdain for those who would seek to act upon those impulses blind you to biological reality.

@bepis

Of course a middle aged man who tries acts sexually with a 16 year old is gross. It's predatory behaviour. That's not to say that a 16 year girl wouldn't be sexually attractive to said middle aged man on a purely physical level. Thankfully most men are driven by more purely animalistic sexual impulses, but that doesn't mean those impulses don't exist and don't need to be controlled. For most men, that's not hard as plenty of other factors will counteract any primal sexual attraction to the point of them finding such behaviour repulsive.

I meant "more than animalistic..."

@Tuilpmouse Wouldn't that mean that a Middle aged woman would also be attracted to a 16 year old boy/man? I'm 39 and don't find that age group attractive in the slightest, they're like little boys to me. I assume a lot of men would feel the same way about a 16 year old female.

No, because men and women differ biologically... Although of course this is a generalisation, biologically men are programmed to find women of a child-bearing age sexually attractive. It doesn't work in quite the same way for women.

This has nothing to do with being moral or not, just the way people are wired.

Of course men don't generally fancy 16 year old girls all things considered, as emotional maturity, life experience, social expectations, and morality all come into play. I'm purely talking about the physical, animalistic component of attraction.

Firstly in most men it's a superficial passing attraction. Most teenagers that age pass for adults and nobody can really tell the difference.

Secondly it's ephebophile if you're exclusive attracted to that age range you could at least get the terminology right before you start labelling everyone.

And thirdly the men who don't understand their own primal desires are usually the most dangerous in my experience. I think anyone who denies that there's an primal attraction to youth and vitality is a bit closeted in some way.

Haha let's argue about the terminology for creeps! I think the fact you are bothered about "correct labelling" says way more about you than me

Obviously not all men are. But 16 is the age of consent in the U.K., so no one is implying paedophilia.
So there's a magic switch which means men aren't attracted to girls until they are 16?
And a "curvy" 14 year old has nothing to worry about because she's under the age of consent, so men can resist her even though they are "superficially, animalistically" attracted but they can't resist a 16 year old in a crop top?
Not only is this thread extremely misandrist, its logically ridiculous now too

Yes it says I've educated myself enough to be able to understand who is or isn't danger to children. It's what responsible parents do.

Actually yes. Once a girl reaches the age of consent this is the switch. And don’t patronise me please; you sound ridiculous.

For the record my stepdad started to try it on with me from age 14 until age 17 he was finally booted out the house (not before I’d already been made homeless between 16-17 by being kicked out of home due to kicking off re his behaviour which no one believed me about at the time).

So take your revolting and misplaced inaccurate condescension elsewhere. You sound ridiculous and naive. You’re embarrassing yourself right now.

The point is that it’s physical maturity rather than an arbitrary age which is when this starts.

@AdamRyan

Haha let's argue about the terminology for creeps! I think the fact you are bothered about "correct labelling" says way more about you than me

If you can't or won't differentiate between:

a) a man who recognises he is sexually attracted at primal level to a fully developed 16 year old, but has no interest in pursuing her because she is too emotionally immature, has insufficient life experience, and a knowledge that he would damage that girl if he chose to pursue anything sexual, and

b) a man who seeks to groom and then molest pre-pubescent children

It seems to indicate you lack self-awareness and common sense, which I suspect comes from a place of repressed feelings that are more simply dealt with by the denial.... The fact is that, if your a normal straight man, you will likely find young women very attractive on a purely physical level... I'm guessing this disturbs you which you manage by distancing yourself from it through feelings of disgust and a refusal to rationalise.

I know for a certainty my 47 year old DH does not find my daughter attractive in the slightest. She's a child to him.

But it’s “acceptable” (in the minds of some) to voice and act on it upon the age of consent,

Decent men don’t think like that, but not all humans (male or female) are decent. It’s just basic facts. If you haven’t learned through experience fair enough. It’s preferential that no one knows through experience but to deny, mock or belittle is outrageous.

The fact that you feel this way says there needs to be a change in the relationship between the three of you.
In this one incident the dynamic has changed from one you viewed as a child with a father figure, to one you where you suspect your partner of having sexual thoughts about the young woman who is your daughter.
I have no idea whether you've read it right or not. But I can tell you that once that idea is in your mind, there's no going back. You will never watch them hug and feel the same as you did before this.
How you'll go forward I don't know. Whether that's through boundary setting or distancing him from the family or splitting up. I do know you can't put this one back in the bag.

Yes, there's a disgust which transcends all else in close family relationships... meaning even the most objectively attractive person just isn't attractive in that way. But that doesn't generally translate any further...

Completely agree. For many men the very idea of how disgusting it would make him would be sufficient to turn off any 'primal urge', supposing such a thing exists as anything but an excuse for the inappropriate behaviour of some men.
Its the exact same reason men are not sexually attracted to their own daughters, sisters and mothers (if still fertile). They're biology doesn't tell them no, social norms do. Those same social norms would prevent a decent man being aroused by a 16 year old.

Incorrect- when there’s a blood link this isn’t so much of an issue obviously because incest isn’t okay in any society (historically mainly due to birth defects etc). But you can’t use the biological link to deny the thoughts of a broader audience who have no such link.

Social norms in this country in the culture we live in (& via media/online) is to fetishise the young and particularly females, like it or not. (Nb. Young doesn’t mean illegal)

A lot men don’t think like this and hopefully a growing number (particularly the upcoming generations) won’t think like this so hopefully things are changing.

But this exists now and definitely in recent times nonetheless and we can all hate it and call for change but it kind of needs to die out through being hardline that it’s not acceptable and not be perpetuated ad infinitum through cultural norm such as porn sectors/media that haven’t yet moved on rather that a delusional current assumption that this time of change is already behind us.

than*

People can't "turn off" a primal urge
It's just a primal urge
If someone sees a person walking down the street that's attractive their primal urge recognises it.
It's just a passing thought in most peoples minds.
There's no need to be so concerned about primal urges.
It's people that have an unhealthy relationship with their primal urges that are problematic.

Those are the ones that assault adult females and develop attraction to teenagers.

I missed this, but this is exactly what I would expect from a normal healthy adult, some introspection, self awareness, and, recognition of the dynamics at play.