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Original poster

Can't fucking believe this.

524 replies

CannotBelieveThisIsHappening · 12/12/2022 01:28

My daughter is 16. She's a slim, curvy, pretty girl. Not that it matters.

She has started occasionally giving my partner a quick hug now and again. He has never initiated before but does reciprocate.

Today, she was wearing her usual baggy tracky bottoms (that are too big for her so sit on her hips rather than her waist 🙄), bra and a cropped vest top She had her brand new supersoft fleecy dressing gown on over the top.

My partner and I went out this afternoon for a bit and she came over to give us both a hug. I called her ted and gave her a big squeeze referencing the fact she's like a teddy bear in it.

She went to hug him and he said "Come on then. You look curvy... cuddly" he definitely said curvy which was clearly in error and corrected it immediately to cuddly.

She did look cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

Cuddly is fine. Curvy is not.

I can't fucking believe it.

OP posts:
OldFan · 12/12/2022 23:04

@Haffiana Don't they? I get what people mean that it can be a euphemism for fat, but not always.

kateandme · 12/12/2022 23:51

Stick with your gut op.you are very clearly strongly minded ending this straight away.you reacted how YOU did because YOUsaw this exchange.not us.
Do not get your daughter to change how she wears ,and deff not on her own home.if you have to do this this is a problem in itself!
Will you really be able to be fully comfortable with him going forward.
And for all those saying just keep an eye.wtf?u shouldn't have to keep an eye in any regards when it comes to a child's safety. Any bad feeling and they should be gone.
It would be hard.tough.but a split is better than living with that unknown or question.

femfemlicious · 13/12/2022 00:46

AdamRyan · 12/12/2022 12:03

Why was it then?

Having to comply with rules for workplace dress is different to "gently suggesting DD covers up" when you have visitors.

It's her home. If she chooses to walk round in her pants, that's her choice.

I would never police what my children wore in their own house, if visitors have an issue with it they can leave.

Show quote history

Really?. You would let your daughter walk around in pants in front of visitors?. What about workmen? Do you and crack on👍🏾

AdamRyan · 13/12/2022 07:57

femfemlicious · 13/12/2022 00:46

Really?. You would let your daughter walk around in pants in front of visitors?. What about workmen? Do you and crack on👍🏾

Show quote history

I mean, most people don't walk around in their pants in front of strangers and my children are no different- I highly doubt they would want to do that.

But with a 16 year old, it's not a question of "letting" them do anything. If they want to walk around in their pants in their own home, that's their choice.

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 13/12/2022 07:58

This whole thread is about implied peado-ness, but people would let their kids walk around in their underwear infront of ANYONE?

Yeah ok. Of course you would tell your kid to put some clothes on.

AdamRyan · 13/12/2022 08:01

This whole thread is about a teenager, not in underwear, and her mums boyfriend, who is not a stranger.

All the pearl clutching about "letting kids walk around in their underwear" is from people who seem to have some kind of weird agenda. I can't work out if its misogyny and victim blaming, or just enjoying talking about teen girls in their underwear.

Anyway I'm done now. Enjoy your days.

Aikko · 13/12/2022 08:10

At the end of the day. this situation isn't going to get any better as your DD gets older.
It will always be playing on your mind - wondering what your BF thinks of your DD.

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 13/12/2022 10:04

AdamRyan · 13/12/2022 08:01

This whole thread is about a teenager, not in underwear, and her mums boyfriend, who is not a stranger.

All the pearl clutching about "letting kids walk around in their underwear" is from people who seem to have some kind of weird agenda. I can't work out if its misogyny and victim blaming, or just enjoying talking about teen girls in their underwear.

Anyway I'm done now. Enjoy your days.

Ohhh, so you're one of those that likes to bandy accusations and insinuations around to shut down discussion?

Off you toddle then.

altmember · 13/12/2022 10:54

What did your daughter make of it? Doesn't sound like she recoiled in horror at the time? Have you spoken to her about it since?

femfemlicious · 13/12/2022 13:51

AdamRyan · 13/12/2022 08:01

This whole thread is about a teenager, not in underwear, and her mums boyfriend, who is not a stranger.

All the pearl clutching about "letting kids walk around in their underwear" is from people who seem to have some kind of weird agenda. I can't work out if its misogyny and victim blaming, or just enjoying talking about teen girls in their underwear.

Anyway I'm done now. Enjoy your days.

Nope no agenda. You're the one that said if your child chooses to walk around in pants that's ok. I responded to that to clarify if it would be ok for her to walk around in pants in her home if there's a visitor.

femfemlicious · 13/12/2022 13:53

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 13/12/2022 10:04

Ohhh, so you're one of those that likes to bandy accusations and insinuations around to shut down discussion?

Off you toddle then.

Show quote history

And he/she was the one who brought up child in pants which I responded to🤐.

AdamRyan · 13/12/2022 14:38

AdamRyan · 13/12/2022 07:57

I mean, most people don't walk around in their pants in front of strangers and my children are no different- I highly doubt they would want to do that.

But with a 16 year old, it's not a question of "letting" them do anything. If they want to walk around in their pants in their own home, that's their choice.

Show quote history

Did I say it was OK or did I say it was my daughters choice?

I think 16 year olds are capable of judging for themselves what they feel is appropriate to wear in any situation.

I think men who perve on children (or adult women) are entirely responsible for their own behaviour and should be held to account.

And I think attitudes that women should be "modest" or they will attract "the wrong attention" are regressive and harmful to women and insulting to men.

It's a myth to think you can protect girls from harm by encouraging them to dress or act in certain ways. I'd rather bring my children up to trust their guts and now if a man does something inappropriate, that's a problem with him not them.

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 13/12/2022 15:31

I'd rather bring mine up in the real world, and to know that walking around half naked will attract the wrong attention, however much it shouldn't in 2022, but that it does.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should I.e. walking around half dressed infront of other people is not appropriate.

How many people have this issue with their toddlers not keeping their clothes on, and battle to make them stay dressed? Why would they do that if it was appropriate to let everyone see your naked kid? Everyone is so hyper vigilant about paedos when it comes to small kids but as soon as they are teenagers they should be encouraged to walk about half dressed? Because it's their right? I don't think so. Who do you think encourages that attitude? Patriarchy and balenciaga and dirty Hollywood et al, that's who.

It's not empowerment to show it all off, that's a lie that's been sold to convince women and girls it's their choice to flaunt it all.

See through it. Do better.

HotChoxs · 13/12/2022 15:35

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 13/12/2022 15:31

I'd rather bring mine up in the real world, and to know that walking around half naked will attract the wrong attention, however much it shouldn't in 2022, but that it does.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should I.e. walking around half dressed infront of other people is not appropriate.

How many people have this issue with their toddlers not keeping their clothes on, and battle to make them stay dressed? Why would they do that if it was appropriate to let everyone see your naked kid? Everyone is so hyper vigilant about paedos when it comes to small kids but as soon as they are teenagers they should be encouraged to walk about half dressed? Because it's their right? I don't think so. Who do you think encourages that attitude? Patriarchy and balenciaga and dirty Hollywood et al, that's who.

It's not empowerment to show it all off, that's a lie that's been sold to convince women and girls it's their choice to flaunt it all.

See through it. Do better.

Quite

As above we have someone saying a 16 year old is capable of making their own decisions on this. Bit ironic when Adults are incapable of it.

PollyAmour · 13/12/2022 17:16

monsteramunch · 12/12/2022 19:41

Taking this particular man out of the equation, would you really tell your daughter she couldn't wear a crop top and joggers in her own home when your boyfriend is there? Really?

Show quote history

Taking this particular man out of the equation and substituting a mythical boyfriend of my own, one who made a crude remark about her body shape, then yes, I would tell her to cover up, right after I'd kicked the creepy boyfriend out of the house. My DD can wear whatever she wants, but at the age of 16, if she's attracting unwanted attention from older men, then I would strongly encourage her to wear a baggy hoodie to go with the baggy joggers while these men are in our house.

monsteramunch · 13/12/2022 22:41

@PollyAmour

So in principle you wouldn't pre-emptively encourage your daughter to change her clothing in her own home based on there simply being a male present. As in if you had a boyfriend you had no reason to believe was a creep, who hadn't said anything creepy. Glad to hear it, we're on the same page on that front if that's the case.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 14/12/2022 00:36

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 13/12/2022 15:31

I'd rather bring mine up in the real world, and to know that walking around half naked will attract the wrong attention, however much it shouldn't in 2022, but that it does.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should I.e. walking around half dressed infront of other people is not appropriate.

How many people have this issue with their toddlers not keeping their clothes on, and battle to make them stay dressed? Why would they do that if it was appropriate to let everyone see your naked kid? Everyone is so hyper vigilant about paedos when it comes to small kids but as soon as they are teenagers they should be encouraged to walk about half dressed? Because it's their right? I don't think so. Who do you think encourages that attitude? Patriarchy and balenciaga and dirty Hollywood et al, that's who.

It's not empowerment to show it all off, that's a lie that's been sold to convince women and girls it's their choice to flaunt it all.

See through it. Do better.

This. Skimpy clothes attract attention, that's usually why people wear them, let's not pretend any different.
It shouldn't matter, but it does.

This is an odd situation, if anything he just accidentally said what he thought and at least corrected himself. I feel most men would notice the same but just wouldn't say anything. It's v naive to think anyone (male or female) isn't going to notice her in this outfit. I would say even if she was unattractive and overweight he still would've! It's someone in a crop top, pants hanging below her hips in an open dressing gown Hmm
I myself have noticed how my neice is developing, and I'm obviously not attracted to her in any sinister way. The boyfriend not sure about, but it may be innocent. It's not as though he was ogling her and making repeated lewd comments. Simple solution, just cover up a bit?

AbsolutePixels · 14/12/2022 02:43

I can't believe the number of people on this thread who've blamed the girl for dressing comfortably in her own home, or said that OP is jealous of her own daughter!

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 14/12/2022 03:12

We had a reasonably functional upbringing; my dad was quiet and reserved and not a perv, and we would not have dressed like that outside our own bedrooms, simply as a matter of decorum.

HotChoxs · 14/12/2022 05:41

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 14/12/2022 03:12

We had a reasonably functional upbringing; my dad was quiet and reserved and not a perv, and we would not have dressed like that outside our own bedrooms, simply as a matter of decorum.

It's quite Alien to me too. I can't imagine what boys hormones are like these days.

emptythelitterbox · 14/12/2022 11:37

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 14/12/2022 03:12

We had a reasonably functional upbringing; my dad was quiet and reserved and not a perv, and we would not have dressed like that outside our own bedrooms, simply as a matter of decorum.

Same.
Nobody was wandering around partially dressed.
My parents wouldn't nor would any grandparents and it was of course, the homes they owned!

The people saying you have the right to dress as you want in your own home are being difficult or contrary.

Imagine showing up at your grandparents and they answered the door with grandma in her bra and underpants and grandpa in his tighty whiteys.

They wouldn't and everyone knows why.

AdamRyan · 14/12/2022 11:53

They wouldn't and everyone knows why.

Is it because they don't want to because humans are naturally modest (and cold)?

Or is it because the visitor might be a gerontophile?

If you were visiting your parents and your mum came down in pyjamas and a dressing gown - would you be offended?
🤔if so is this something else "everyone knows" but noone is saying?

Still struggling to see how a fictional scenario in which a fictional family answers the door in their pants is relevant to the OPs scenario TBH.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 14/12/2022 13:19

Pajamas that cover the abdomen & a belted dressing gown are modest.

Low riding PJs that bare the belly, waist, navel and upper hips, with crop top baring the ribcage, would indeed raise some eyebrows.

Appropriate attire for different circumstances is a thing, however much people want to deny that.

PepsiMaxAholic · 14/12/2022 13:22

I find this odd. I have a 16 year old daughter who has known her step dad since she was 7 but she wouldn't dream of hugging him now. I don't think DH would be comfortable.

FlissyPaps · 14/12/2022 13:35

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 14/12/2022 13:19

Pajamas that cover the abdomen & a belted dressing gown are modest.

Low riding PJs that bare the belly, waist, navel and upper hips, with crop top baring the ribcage, would indeed raise some eyebrows.

Appropriate attire for different circumstances is a thing, however much people want to deny that.

Jesus Christ just admit you miss the 1950s.