DP just told me he wants to spend Christmas alone

[Ifeelabitweird]

Been with DP for nearly 2 years now. He’s met my dc and their partners and my 2 new grandchildren. Plan this Christmas is to spend Christmas Day at dd’s house, other dd and ds and partners will also be there, as well as dd mil.
He told me he felt pressured into going and he didn’t want to. I feel really upset that he feels this way, and also upset that he said this just after we went to bed, because now I can’t sleep.
He doesn’t have any family of his own any more and I know he feels very sad about this around Christmas time. But in other ways he’s excited about getting a tree and doing a Christmas shop.
I’m confused. I’ve been single for a few years after a LTR before I met him, and I was so happy that I don’t have to do this sort of stuff on my own any more, but maybe I do have to after all 😒

What a twatty comment 🙄

Exactly this. ^ The chances of a big extended family being super-happy, and the Christmas being all shiny and lovely and festive and happy, are far less likely than one half of the family hating the other, and there being toxic vibes, toxic people, and bitchiness and discord!!!

If you've for a chance...and you can find it anywhere, watch 'The Family Stone' with Sarah Jessica Parker... (It's streaming on Hulu, or its' a couple of quid on ebay for the DVD.) Not exactly the same as the OP's situation, but along the same lines...... A man wants his girlfriend (who he hasn't been with for very long,) to come and spend Christmastime with his huge family. IIRC, it's 2 sisters, 3 brothers (1 brother has his partner there, and 1 sister has her partner and child there,) then there's mum and dad. About a dozen altogether.

The family are aloof with SJP, and a bit cold, and the youngest sister is vile to her. They thought THEY were a lovely happy jolly close family, but they were actually toxic, narcissistic snobs who looked down their nose at everyone who wasn't in their 'family circle.' SJP says the wrong thing a couple of times, and they lay into her, bully her, and treat her like shit, and favour her more gentle, compliant, placid younger sister who comes to stay after a couple of days. (She asks her to come to give her an ally/have someone on her side!)

The OP @Ifeelabitweird and her family remind me sooooo much of this film.

You don’t live together, they’re not his kids, he doesn’t enjoy Christmas.

I don’t think he should go at all.

I hate all this ‘but it’s Christmas’.

Not everyone is religious, not everyone celebrates Christmas.

It will be nice for you to spend some time with your children and grandchildren without him there anyway.

Ah but have you not read how it ends? Tiny Tim gets to gambol about too. He gets well! as is indicated by Scrooge becoming like a second father to him.

I think it depends on the person. Some would rather have a quiet Christmas and I can see the magical aspects of that as well as the loud jolly ones which sometimes are joyful, sometimes overwhelming and just too much.

I just looked up Tiny Tim and apparently there really was a tiny Tim. ❤️

‘In 1997, construction workers renovating an 18th century church in south London uncovered the burial site of a man’s gravestone which read: “Timothy Cratchit. 1839–1884. Beloved Husband of Julia, Father of Robert, and Son of Robert.” The skeleton was of a man who was about 40 years old who wore a frame of metal and leather on his legs and lower back. Histology was consistent with tuberculosis and polymerase chain reaction confirmed it.[7]’

Not to say he is necessarily linked to Dickens but it seems such a coincidence.

Sorry - went for a long snowy hike and just back on the thread. Thank you to all who posted lovely messages - I will have a calm, peaceful Christmas Day on my own; newish boyfriend will come around at tea time for nice food. And I won’t be sulking, just remembering my lovely family who left far too soon and looking forward to a fresh new year xx

So was the one that provoked it. 🤷‍♀️

I really can’t blame him either
you say your a people
pleaser

but honestly you don’t seem to have much
empathy for what it’s like to NOT have a
large family

Xmas can suck

Youve only been together two years. Yes it's disappointing but i can totally see why someone wouldnt want to spend Christmas with a house full of other peoples family. It must have taken lots of courage for him to speak up about feeling this. You are not alone anyway., youre with your children, grandchildren, thier partners, and MIl. Youre far from alone.

@MysteryBelle That's really interesting. Dickens wrote the story in 1843 so I wonder if he knew the family or if it's just eerie coincidence. And if he knew them what they thought about their role in the story 🙄

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain that was my thought too, written while a real TT was a small child, I wonder like you if there was a link, if he knew. A wonderful Christmas mystery.