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Original poster

Second date at his?!

174 replies

Whattodonext1233 · 09/12/2022 18:35

I’ve not been dating for long, recently came out of a 12 year relationship, but have met a lovely guy OLD, we went out for lunch last Sunday (I also drove to him but was happy to do that) and have been speaking and video calling ever since. He’s invited me to his house tomorrow night to go out for dinner and then watch a movie because it’s too cold to go out , Im really tempted but don’t want to be ditched straight away after, would going be a bad idea? Any advice would be much appreciated 🙏

OP posts:
dancemom · 09/12/2022 18:39

Nope from me! It's not too cold to go to a restaurant or a bar or a cafe or a museum or anywhere that isnt his place!

PickledRat · 09/12/2022 18:40

It’s too cold to go out!? No it isn’t, it’s just a reason to get you over his house. Personally I would give it a miss and ask him if he’s not planning on leaving his house during winter.

Kirytl · 09/12/2022 18:42

If you are happy with him trying it on then go ahead. You do run the risk though. I’d say it was too soon for that.

DatingDinosaur · 09/12/2022 18:44

It’d be a no from me.

You’ve said you don’t want to be a fuck n chuck so decline and suggest something else. If he’s the decent guy you think he is he’ll be fine with that and not try and make you feel bad about “misinterpreting” his intentions.

ChrisTrepidation · 09/12/2022 18:44

If you're happy with the fact he just wants a shag and may ditch you after then go. If not then don't

All very low effort on his part. It would definitely put me off!

mackthepony · 09/12/2022 18:44

He wants a shag

BaddogGooddoggy · 09/12/2022 18:46

He will expect to have sex if you go to his house on a second date. If that’s ok with you, go ahead - personally I’ve never waited longer than second date to have sex with someone I fancy! I wouldn’t go to his house though, feel safer to host at mine (no DC to worry about)

Iamacatslave · 09/12/2022 18:46

He’s want a shag.

Fififafa · 09/12/2022 18:47

Yes sounds like he’s maybe expecting a shag. Although, he could just be skint and not want to tell you. I still wouldn’t want a second date at his place so it would be a no from me.

Eatentoomanyroses · 09/12/2022 18:47

‘I’d rather go out’ nothing else, no explanation necessary. He’s being cheap. You’ll have to get your boundaries in place. I never did sofa dates when I was on OLD. Even when dh and I were exclusive he took me out to dinner before he got over the threshold.

DaisyDooxox · 09/12/2022 18:48

Please be careful. You may be vulnerable after freshly coming out of a 12 year relationship, and there are people who can sense that and sadly use it to their advantage. Not saying he is one of them, though!

I would politely decline his offer and suggest a meal out. Is there a chance that he can perhaps make the effort and come your way? Or you meet half way?

I do feel that he needs to put some effort on his part before you are intimate!

Thinking of you - I know it isn’t easy!

Rainbowqueeen · 09/12/2022 18:48

No. It’s not what you want so why would you do it.

Ilovelurchers · 09/12/2022 18:49

I think it's fine if you want to - just give some friends his name and address and make sure he knows you have done this.

You are no more obliged to sleep with him that if you meet him somewhere else first - and if you both want sex this also fine, this not being the 1930s. He is no more likely to ghost you after this date if you do sleep with him than if you don't, as again it is not the 1930s. Unless you find out you aren't sexually compatible - then you equally might ghost him!

Just do what you feel comfortable with and enjoy.

DigbyLongcock · 09/12/2022 18:50

Either he has no money or just wants a shag. Either of things would be a complete non-starter for me.

bluepen12 · 09/12/2022 18:50

It would be a no from me. Watching movie = he wants a shag. If too soon for you then I wouldn't go

Changeyourspecs · 09/12/2022 18:51

Cheap
Lazy
Not a great second date!

girlmom21 · 09/12/2022 18:52

It's too cold to go out, but he wants to go out for dinner Hmm

Tell him you'll meet halfway for dinner and call it a night after that.

GetThatHelmetOn · 09/12/2022 18:53

I wouldn’t go. He should be ashamed of suggesting it, in one hand he may only want sex (fair enough) on the other.. why is ok for you to brave the cold weather to get to a stranger’s house to watch TV so he doesn’t need to go out?

when people show you they don’t give a fig about you… Listen.

IsThePopeCatholic · 09/12/2022 18:53

No. He’s a chancer.

Liz1tummypain · 09/12/2022 18:53

Maybe he thinks you'd both feel sort of relaxed and no need to extra fuss if you stay in. You can say no to anything physical if you don't want it yet. I think he should respect your wishes. I'm not in this position but I can't really tell the problem here.

Oliveandbay · 09/12/2022 18:57

Oldest trick in the book! Another meal out would be better.

amiold · 09/12/2022 18:59

Is it a meal out and then back to his or to his for the meal?

Aquamarine1029 · 09/12/2022 18:59

If you are wanting a relationship and not just a fuck buddy/ONS, don't go to his house. If he's not interested in anything but an easy shag, you'll know soon enough.

Aquamarine1029 · 09/12/2022 19:01

I would also be concerned that he isn't putting any effort into seeing you. It's not a good sign.

username8888 · 09/12/2022 19:01

No, it will be shag and dump. This is the typical approach.

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