Second date at his?!

[Whattodonext1233]

I’ve not been dating for long, recently came out of a 12 year relationship, but have met a lovely guy OLD, we went out for lunch last Sunday (I also drove to him but was happy to do that) and have been speaking and video calling ever since. He’s invited me to his house tomorrow night to go out for dinner and then watch a movie because it’s too cold to go out , Im really tempted but don’t want to be ditched straight away after, would going be a bad idea? Any advice would be much appreciated 🙏

Reading your first post I thought this man must be over 80 to use 'it's too cold' as a reason not to stay out on a second date. I just wouldn't go to the house of a man I didn't know (and you didn't know him then at all). I would also have been concerned that he was making you do all the running rather than share it 50/50.

Then his comment that he was surpised you agreed to go to his - ie it's OK for him to suggest going to his (for sex) but he judges you for agreeing. Either that or he's acknoeledging that it's a brave move for a woman to go home with a stranger - in which case why did he ask you and put you in that position?

Finally - way too soon for children to meet, and no benefit to them meeting at this stage. All IMO of course.

I hope this turns out well. But please beware. - as we all should in new relationships.

Met children before you’ve ticked 10 dates off? I hope your children are late 20’s. I know yoI didn’t ask for advice when the children should meet but goodness me, that’s the earliest I’ve seen on here!

Obviously just my opinion & everyone is different of course.

and he said he couldn’t believe I actually came over when he invited me.

this is not a compliment... he is saying "I know a way cheeky and overstepping boundaries and I can't believe you were that easy/your standards were low enough to say yes".

Also meeting kids 2 months is in no way healthy for them.

But you do you...

Well this backfired spectacularly. Probably OP meant to show us all she did the right thing going to his while we all see red flags and an unacceptable behaviour from him (if he really said he was surprised you went to his, he's judging you. That for me would be the end)

It's only "backfired spectacularly" if you think the opinions of four or five people on a MN thread are particularly noteworthy. Honestly, this is a sad example of a small bunch of naysayers wishing the OP ill because they want to be proved right. What possible purpose do you think it serves telling her that you think her new relationship (which seems to be going very well) is doomed because you'd have done things slightly differently?

We we’re actually talking about our second date last night and he said he couldn’t believe I actually came over when he invited me.
He’s negging you

For some people it’s hard to have a relationship at all if children aren’t introduced early on. Not saying it’s ideal, and I’ve not got any plans to meet my new bf’s kids yet (been 2 months) but not everyone is in the ideal mumsnet situation whereby you have babysitters available to enable you to date for 6-12 months before meeting. Men and women can be introduced as friends too without saying this is my boy / girl friend

I think - you made your decision and all is ok.

For what it’s worth I often find the same old answers on Mumsnet and quite often it appears the posters all come from a similar background and can be judged.

My partner knew my 2 sons before we were even in a relationship- and in the very early stages he was invaluable and so very supportive when their own father had ‘opted out’ - he drove my youngest to revision classes, did his paper round when he was at revision classes, took him to an exhibition of a hobby my son had that my partner also enjoys.
I would go as far to say that my partner has benefitted my younger son in many ways.

like another poster suggested - you do you !! (Best of luck and happiness)

Re: Recent posts. The longer I spend on MN the more I think it should be called "Judgenet".

Mumsnet miseries out in force!

See, I read that and assumed that he said it in an "I couldn't believe my luck" way because he liked her so much.

How naive 😬

Thank you for the update OP. Glad to read it’s all going well.

Four years in to the happiest, most respectful relationship of my life, my DP still says he can’t believe I came over to his on the second date for rampant sex. It felt right and it was right and it is right. Too many MNers negging!

good luck OP, I hope things continue to go well 😊

With both my ex husband of 14 years and my ex partner of 9 years I had sex (or sexual activity!) on the first date. Just me a new man and went for 2 dates before inviting him over to mine for dinner and making out.

It’s really not the end of the world to be a sexual woman and any decent man would see that as a positive.

New man has said he doesn’t want to rush things as he’s really hopeful this is special and going somewhere, but then given half a chance he was well up for it, so it’s one thing to have an emotional idea of what is sensible, but we’re all human and sex is nice!

You don’t get any prizes for making a man wait. If they’re going to judge you for wanting sex as much as they do then they’re not a good man and they can fuck off.

@ItsAnOrgasmNotAFabergeEggExactly. For every man waiting there is a woman waiting too. Sex is not something a woman gives, it is something shared.

Most dates do not evolve into long term relationships, that is not all due to when you have sex.

l mentioned up thread that my sister has been married for years to someone she had sex with within hours of meeting at a mutual friend’s wedding.

If a man is going to vanish off the scene after sex, it is better to know sooner rather than later and being a sexual woman with a appetite for sex and having hormones bubbling is not a crime.

Honestly you know that it's not right because if you could tell he was decent you would know he would not ditch you. At this point I realise this stuff. You need to trust your gut, if only I had learned this sooner.

If nothing else, simply use it as a test.

Say no thank you and wait for him to suggest something else. He doesn't then you know he was only looking for one thing.

You slept with both right away and both became exs... maybe there is something to be gained by making men work for it a little?

Yes - after about 10 years! I’m not seeing a direct cause and effect here 😂

And I don’t see one relationship for the whole of my life as the goal. People come into your life at different stages and some add to it, some don’t. When their season is over you move on. There’s no great crime in becoming single any more than there is in sleeping with a new man because you both want to. I’m looking for a man who enjoys my sexuality, not one who thinks I’m “not like other girls” and therefore a keeper because I resist my very natural urges.

I’d rather have a heady and passionate short relationship that burns out than a long plodding one second guessing whether following my instincts was going to make him dump me!

@ItsAnOrgasmNotAFabergeEgg - 💕Exactly. 💐

But what we I know? I'm in my 40s now and have been told on MN before that they had names for girls like me when they were at school. Yep, happy well balanced girls.

Women are not merely entertainment centres for men and women wanting sex is both normal and healthy.

Yes indeedy, couldn't agree more :)