Page 2 | Second date at his?!

LaLuz7 · 09/12/2022 19:02

He wants to fuck.

If you go, you either have to deal with the awkwardness of turning him down or sleep with him if you want but accept the risk that he will vanish right away.

I would stick to proper dates for the first month of dating.

Sunnytwobridges · 09/12/2022 19:04

Nah, I wouldn't. Mainly because his excuse of it being too cold out is ridiculous. He knows he doesn't care about the cold, it's more to get you in a situation to shag most likely.

Ofcourseshecan · 09/12/2022 19:05

Whattodonext1233 · 09/12/2022 18:35

I’ve not been dating for long, recently came out of a 12 year relationship, but have met a lovely guy OLD, we went out for lunch last Sunday (I also drove to him but was happy to do that) and have been speaking and video calling ever since. He’s invited me to his house tomorrow night to go out for dinner and then watch a movie because it’s too cold to go out , Im really tempted but don’t want to be ditched straight away after, would going be a bad idea? Any advice would be much appreciated 🙏

it’s too cold to go out

Not too cold for you to go out, to his place! He’s a bit too lazy and expects too much of you. And presumably expects a shag.

Garman · 09/12/2022 19:06

My second date with DH was dinner at his house, didn’t strike me as weird at all? We had dinner, watched lots of Father Ted, had a couple of drinks and our first kiss. If you don’t want to be ditched do you mean after sex? Then just don’t have sex with him 🤷🏻‍♀️

CowPie · 09/12/2022 19:08

His logic escapes me. It’s too cold to go out, but you have to trek to his place and then you’re (supposedly) going out for dinner anyway, before watching a film back at his because it’s too cold to go out?

Gwenhwyfar · 09/12/2022 19:10

I can't believe you're even considering it. Unless you're also only after one thing, why would you give it any though. Just say no.

CowPie · 09/12/2022 19:10

Having said that, I’ve always slept with people asap — saves on the mess of really liking them and discovering weeks in that they’re dreadful in bed or we have incompatible bedroom styles/liking.

SpinningFloppa · 09/12/2022 19:12

I wouldn’t I think he either wants a shag or is being cheap and blaming it on the cold. Up to you though if you’re only after that.

Restlessinthenorth · 09/12/2022 19:12

Offering an alternative perspective...I had a second date at a guys house. He had made loads of effort, bought a nice wine and made a lovely cheeseboard. Was really respectful, certainly didn't try it on and we've now been together a year. I guess go with your gut, let someone know where you are and make very definite plans about how/when you will be leaving (I.E let him know you have pre booked your can home in advance or whatever ), if you do decide die to go

GG1986 · 09/12/2022 19:31

Definitely don't go to his house for a second date! You hardly know the guy. Like others have said, he is either skint or just after sex.

Helpyou · 09/12/2022 19:40

I have recently got a new boyfriend and we did 3 dates and then on the 4th meet up he came round and we slept together. I don't think there's a right or wrong way tbh. We never know what someone else is thinking and there's always a chance they'll stick around or ditch after sex.
But also remember... you're never forced in to agreeing to sex.

Zanatdy · 09/12/2022 20:57

No not on a second date if I didn’t know him already. I’m going on date no 3 this week but I have known him a few years already through work and I know we are going to end up having sex which is what we both want! I think it’s likely he will expect that if you go to watch a film, so if that’s what you want I’d say no. Pubs are warm, you can get taxi’s. I wouldn’t risk it, you don’t know much about him I assume so I’d stick with public places for a good few dates

Spangletown · 09/12/2022 21:27

No, it's very little to no effort on his part. Just say you'd rather go out.

ConnieTucker · 09/12/2022 21:29

No. Hard pass.
1st date. You drive to him. No effort from him.
2nd date he isnt even LEAVING HIS HOUSE!

ffs come on op! Raise your bar.

Original poster

Whattodonext1233 · 09/12/2022 21:37

ConnieTucker · 09/12/2022 21:29

No. Hard pass.
1st date. You drive to him. No effort from him.
2nd date he isnt even LEAVING HIS HOUSE!

ffs come on op! Raise your bar.

😂 Thank you for that!
I am still heading over to his but we are going to go into the city for dinner x

OP posts:

LaLuz7 · 09/12/2022 21:45

Whattodonext1233 · 09/12/2022 21:37

😂 Thank you for that!
I am still heading over to his but we are going to go into the city for dinner x

Show quote history

Why are you going to his then? Why not do dinner and a movie at the cinema?

Original poster

Whattodonext1233 · 09/12/2022 22:39

Meant his way but I have made it clear i will be going home and not staying

OP posts:

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/12/2022 22:43

The laziness of some men never ceases to amaze me.

Nolosomi · 09/12/2022 23:38

I couldn’t imagine anything worse than going to an almost strangers house to watch tv with them. Cinema’s are pretty warm.

Suprima · 09/12/2022 23:51

Date two, he’s already showing his laziness and you’re already pandering to it

ChrisTrepidation · 10/12/2022 06:13

So you're still travelling to his house first?

Why are you the one making the most effort? He should be trying to impress you, not letting you run after him.

WhenDovesFly · 10/12/2022 06:50

Do you have to drive to dinner or whatever other activity you do OP, or are you getting public transport?

Does he drive, or is he expecting you to do all the running?

I hope you're going to see if he makes some effort on future dates (I'm presuming here you don't live rural in the middle of nowhere). It's only been two dates but it's sounding a bit one-sided thus far.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/12/2022 08:17

In simple terms if he’s going to ditch you after sex

that will happen after date 3,4,8 !

there is also a chance that some
good sex will cement things between you

its totally ok to not yet be ready for sex

but if you also want some sex …

also bear in mind you might want to ditch him if the chemistry isn’t there

LaLuz7 · 10/12/2022 09:13

Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/12/2022 08:17

In simple terms if he’s going to ditch you after sex

that will happen after date 3,4,8 !

there is also a chance that some
good sex will cement things between you

its totally ok to not yet be ready for sex

but if you also want some sex …

also bear in mind you might want to ditch him if the chemistry isn’t there

Someone who is only trying to use you for sex will (most of the time) not be patient enough to go on 4-5-8 dates with you. They'll move onto easier options as soon as you make your boundaries known.

Waiting to have sex until you've established exclusivity is still an excellent strategy to gauge if a man's interest is more than skin deep.

shakeittilyoumakeit · 10/12/2022 11:01

Restlessinthenorth · 09/12/2022 19:12

Offering an alternative perspective...I had a second date at a guys house. He had made loads of effort, bought a nice wine and made a lovely cheeseboard. Was really respectful, certainly didn't try it on and we've now been together a year. I guess go with your gut, let someone know where you are and make very definite plans about how/when you will be leaving (I.E let him know you have pre booked your can home in advance or whatever ), if you do decide die to go

This guy isn't offering that.

He's offering that the op drive to his house, presumably pick him up and take him for dinner and then drive him back for a shag movie.

There's nothing in that that screams 'date' to me. Just an incredibly low effort (I mean I hope he at least has a shower and puts fresh sheets on the bed) shag.

If that's what you want, then great, that's what's on offer.