The silent treatment from a narcissist. Help please.

[SilentRetreat]

To say I've gotten myself into a pickle is an understatement. I've been swept up in a shitstorm and should have known better. But here we are.

I was love bombed, then the devaluing began and now seemingly out of the blue he is ignoring me.

After 8 weeks of intense texting and a physical relationship it's really hard to not message to start a conversation about what is going on.

I saw so many red flags along the way that I chose to ignore, thinking it would be fine as the intensity was fun and why not just let myself kept swept along. I gave in to it against my better judgement.

Now it feels really horrible.

Help me to not text him please wise vipers.

@stongerbytheday I agree, the golden period ultimately is not worth it. Plus it’s fake 🙁

I know, when you look back and realise it was all smoke and mirrors you have a better time moving on.

He and "crazy" colleague are back on as predicted.

I'm confident he was physical with her before and after me. I went to sexual health because I was worried and they found thrush. Thankfully nothing worse.

Is it acceptable to get treated, continue with no contact and let "actually lovely" colleague fend for herself?

Telling either opens up the drama again as she doesn't know he and I were physical. Would rather not.

Oh my you are lucky to get away.

Now look into the mirror and jump up and down because it ain’t you having to deal with crap. You’ve even used him to the point of learning about narcissism before any kids of marriage. You are the winner through and through. Never look back. Life’s got to be better than wishing a scumbag was yours.

I wouldn't re-open dialogue over thrush. It could easily have developed via some other route (I only have to glance at a bar of perfumed soap for it to start) so no responsibility as you might feel for a clearly sexually-transmitted infection.

Much better to stay away. You've dodged a bullet for sure.

Then you ring the police.

I guarantee he will be back, especially if you don’t text him.

He knows you’re going to know sooner or later he’s shagging crazy and is expecting a reaction from you. Such a narc game that one, triangulation is called. Don’t fall for that crap OP, stay NC, do you and stay away from that toxic ashole because nothing good will come out from you getting involved in the triangle.

@SilentRetreat absolutely 100% do not say anything to her. He would twist the narrative and make you look like the crazy one. I'd be the first to admit that I would find this incredibly difficult in practice but I'm slowly learning that silence says more than any words ever could.

Thank you. You're collective wisdom is priceless.
Ok so just deal with myself and keep my head down.
Thrush is no big deal right.

Your

Keep strong

I have to confess for those impressed with my resolve, he was successful in his hoovering just before Xmas and we agreed to friendship which turned stupid again very quickly. No contact now for 3 weeks. Where I had doubts that I'd been hasty to recognise the pattern, there are definitely none now.

@SilentRetreat no shame in that at all, it happens. At least it’s proved you were right in your assessment and strengthened your resolve for the future

To treat thrush get the one pill. It treats the cause. Creams are useless and it drags on forever.

Respect ✊ in you staying away. Just dump him forever, he’s trash. Not worth your anguish and wondering. They can be so vile and abusive behind close doors. You wanna run far far way 🏃‍♀️

With time he's taking up much less headspace gradually. Thank you.

Life without him is certainly much calmer.

I'm focusing on me and finding my own joy in things.

Good for you!

Dont let him live up there, rent free. Ditch the thoughts. He’s a meaningless lump.

He was not your friend in the first place so the friendship was never going to work.

Yes. This I pointed out to him on our last conversation.

My friends care about me. He doesn't, so what kind of friendship is he offering.

I declined his offer.

@SilentRetreat Good for you! You’ve definitely seen him for what he is! Well done!

Fucksake the hoovering is clever isn't it.

I've received a work email with nothing in it from him. Just a full stop which was a thing we used to text to essentially invite interaction.

Have ignored this for 24 hours so far but fuck it's hard to just not respond. Now ruminating potential responses even when I know that no response is the only way.

Clever bastards

Find another bloke to help distract, abd help you feel better. Men do this all the time.
don’t message , if he pops up do exactly what he does mirror his behaviour.
Whatever you want to text him instead go right it down on piece of paper or book to get it off your chest. The first reach out losses power. It’s a horrible game. Keep busy busy !!

Oh and don’t block him! Unless he is abusive off course !!
don’t block him ever. It will look like you care about him way too much which is what he wants haha

Ignore ignore !!!

or put a . Back

hes not giving you enough effort I wouldn’t even reply to that ! Then watch him work for it

Idiot is desperate and you were great supply. Do. Not. Engage. Repeat with me “nothing good will come out of this if I reply”. You will have given him fuel again, he will love bomb you a little bit, you will let your guard down and discard phase will pop its ugly face again, followed by his silent treatment. Engaging with “Mr dot” is a major head fu.ck that will distract you from meeting a nice guy or moving on with your life.

Don’t block gives them power they don’t deserve. It doesn’t hurt blokes in the same way blocking hurts women