The silent treatment from a narcissist. Help please.

[SilentRetreat]

To say I've gotten myself into a pickle is an understatement. I've been swept up in a shitstorm and should have known better. But here we are.

I was love bombed, then the devaluing began and now seemingly out of the blue he is ignoring me.

After 8 weeks of intense texting and a physical relationship it's really hard to not message to start a conversation about what is going on.

I saw so many red flags along the way that I chose to ignore, thinking it would be fine as the intensity was fun and why not just let myself kept swept along. I gave in to it against my better judgement.

Now it feels really horrible.

Help me to not text him please wise vipers.

Well done. Hope you've got lots to do to keep you busy over the weekend.

Well done, not easy. Treat yourself this weekend

Cor, this is spot on. And the way you wrote about it is quite chilling. ‘Trained’. So unsettling. These awful, awful men…

I do like your text too. I’d love to see a cunt like this receive that.

It's perfect isn't it. I'm saving it just in case there is communication further down the line.

Hope you are well OP and the weekend is not too lonely

i married this type of guy and now divorcing
it s absolutely horrible and I hope you get away from him

x sending strength and self love

Think you’re a rockstar OP. Keep on keeping on, you deserve so much more.

Delete his number so you cannot contact him.

U deserve better. Peace of mind is underrated. If you think u will be tempted to contact him,block him. When my partner of 2 and a half years phoned me up and out of the blue told me he had met and fallen in love with someone I was devastated. Mares told me to delete the thousands of messages and photos- I did. Torture but I'm glad I dud. The sorrow quickly turned to anger and I realised how vile he had bern. I think if I'd have kept the nicely nicely messages I would have romanticize everything. Delete them. I did not block him.cos I knew I would not contact him.ever again. He contacted me a about 6 weeks after. I was nearli hysterical because by then I had realised he had used me financially and had been extremely selfish sexually. Why dud he contact me? To ask me to send his key back. Eff off. I had his loan to pay for improvements to a house he was selling and also lots of credit card debt.
I remember saying to my mate, silence is my best weapon. U can do this. Long story sorry

Thank you.
I had the chance to catch up with a real life friend this weekend and she was brilliant and absolutely has my back.
Her advice was to 'stay the fuck away from him', just like you guys.

I'm definitely not there yet in terms of wishing things weren't how they are but the distance has given me so much perspective.

The silence was the final piece of the puzzle for me in seeing who he is.

So I'm one week in to the realisation of who he is. I've done a fair bit of reading around the subject and have no doubts that he really is the lying cheating arsehole he told me he was.

The distance has allowed me to get perspective and I feel less anxious and sad overall.

I also see how my behaviour invited this nonsense. An experiment not to be repeated. I gave him control, handed it to him on a plate. His behaviour was not that of a good person in those circumstances.

Im glad it was short lived and therefore no real depth of harm has been done. Disappointing yes, devastating no.

I deserve so much better than this crap.

shit on his door step.

It was a successful experiment. You've learnt a valuable lesson about staying away from narc arseholes, without major embarrassment to yourself. Previous colleague with the string of text messages should be so lucky.

I'd put money on him going straight back to her to complain about me.

Well, she will also learn eventually.

. @SilentRetreat In his defence he did tell me he was a real arsehole.

And why didn’t you listen to him???

She's young, she has issues stemming from her dad's narcissistic behaviours, she thought she could handle it, there was likely some subconscious 'reasoning' going on that if she could handle it, somehow that would wipe out the residual dad-trauma ...

She soon realised that was a mistake, & has done bloody well to extricate herself after only 8 weeks.

Nah, can't take you up on that bet - it's a cert OP 😂
You being an uncooperative source of Supply at the moment & all.

He'll be going through his little black book, hooking fish new & old with his poisoned bait.

Hurrah that you are no longer one of them.
The hardest part's done now OP.
You know all the cliches - one day at a time, time heals, you've learned from this ... blah blah blah.

Your head's in the right place, you're just waiting for your heart & spirit to catch up.

Precisely what kettricken said (apart from being young). That and I was horny.

Fair enough. I’ve gotten myself into some stupid situations and emotionally/psychological dangerous places because I was thinking with that brain we have between the legs. Ags.

Not young but possibly naïve on relationships.
Married young to somebody polar opposites to my father.
Maybe it's a thing to check out the other end of the spectrum on a first foray before backing away from that shitshow.

Anyway I've exhausted myself with all of the analysis. Going to get some better hobbies.

Well you've learnt a lot about yourself, chalk it up to experience and get on with all the good stuff and good people in your life.

Update.

You were all so right and such a massive support with your insight and knowledge.

We communicated once at work and he was basically angry at the blocking but showed no interest in the reasons for it. No interest in my feelings.

So I'm the bad guy.

After that conversation I had a bit of a wobble emotionally and took myself to my line manager to explain the situation. He was incredibly supportive and understanding and the fear of exposure has gone.

So yes, blocking and moving on had the desired effect. He is no longer acknowledging my existence in the corridor and whether his intention is to make me uncomfortable or not, I no longer care. Genuinely. I now see him and think what was I thinking?

He is gone, quickly and quietly like I'd hoped for so thank you for giving me the permission to do something so out of character and not try to make it all ok.

A timely lesson learned.

Thank you

You are the bad guy?? 😲😲
It's boggling isn't it, how little self-awareness some people have.

Xxx

Yes I used him for sex and then blocked him. Nothing else.

Oh God, The Delusion.

Well if that's what he wants to believe!!
Insight in to these types. Your feelings are not real. You were a mirror to reflect back his feelings about himself!