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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The silent treatment from a narcissist. Help please.

261 replies

SilentRetreat · 04/12/2022 19:35

To say I've gotten myself into a pickle is an understatement. I've been swept up in a shitstorm and should have known better. But here we are.

I was love bombed, then the devaluing began and now seemingly out of the blue he is ignoring me.

After 8 weeks of intense texting and a physical relationship it's really hard to not message to start a conversation about what is going on.

I saw so many red flags along the way that I chose to ignore, thinking it would be fine as the intensity was fun and why not just let myself kept swept along. I gave in to it against my better judgement.

Now it feels really horrible.

Help me to not text him please wise vipers.

OP posts:
Original poster
SilentRetreat · 01/02/2023 11:14

I'm writing here to stop me from responding. Thank you.

Ignoring someone doesn't feel good to me and he must know that. Arsehole.

OP posts:
Bluesandtwos7 · 01/02/2023 11:17

Don’t feel bad about not replying to a .

he doesnt care, but watch now he’ll be back always men always do !! Might take weeks some months! Mirror his behaviour

Hopefullyupwards · 01/02/2023 11:19

Aw OP, that's hard. Ignore, ignore, ignore. It will get easier, I promise.

Sandra1984 · 01/02/2023 11:25

SilentRetreat · 01/02/2023 11:14

I'm writing here to stop me from responding. Thank you.

Ignoring someone doesn't feel good to me and he must know that. Arsehole.

Narcs are evil because se they prey on your empathy, something they totally lack.

emptythelitterbox · 01/02/2023 11:25

Block him on everything.

Bluesandtwos7 · 01/02/2023 11:31

emptythelitterbox · 01/02/2023 11:25

Block him on everything.

No don’t do this . It gives him
more power he doesn’t deserve, it looks like she is bothered by him. I find blocking so childish , can’t stand it

Homebaby · 01/02/2023 11:31

@SilentRetreat yeah, he knows that you feel uncomfortable ignoring people which is why he's done it. Imagine his surprise when you don't respond, will wipe the smile right off his manipulative face won't it!
Solidarity to you because I know how hard it is but you will feel so much stronger if you stay silent.

Sandra1984 · 01/02/2023 11:39

Nothing that puzzles a narc more than his victim not acting like he/she expects, t's the awful realisation he/she is not under control and narcissists are ALL about control. I agree that blocking is a tad childish and makes you look like you're very bothered by someone which ultimately gives fuel to the narcissist and makes him look like he really matters, however... had the OP blocked this jerk she wouldn't have gotten the hoovering email and be tempted. Sometimes blocking (as childish as it is) may be the best thing for our mental health and moving forward when it comes to toxic relationships.

emptythelitterbox · 01/02/2023 11:46

Bluesandtwos7 · 01/02/2023 11:31

No don’t do this . It gives him
more power he doesn’t deserve, it looks like she is bothered by him. I find blocking so childish , can’t stand it

Show quote history

Ffs stop giving this stupid advice.

Why would anyone care what you look like to someone you never want to hear from again?

Blocking gives you all the power because that's it.

emptythelitterbox · 01/02/2023 11:49

OP it's been 2 months and this is still going on.

Are you getting something out of letting this drag on?

Block him and be done with it.

Original poster
SilentRetreat · 01/02/2023 11:50

He is blocked on everything except from work email which he has used with this message.

I would like to not have him blocked but equally need some sort of barrier to his hoovering whenever suits him.

OP posts:
Bluesandtwos7 · 01/02/2023 11:50

Wow so angry! Have you had your oats ?

Bluesandtwos7 · 01/02/2023 11:51

Is he blocked on your phone

Original poster
SilentRetreat · 01/02/2023 11:51

Yes blocked everywhere else but work email isn't something I can block him on.

OP posts:
Original poster
SilentRetreat · 01/02/2023 11:54

I can't physically block his existence in my workplace either so he could always present himself physically to my office if he had something to say.

The . I think means "just checking if there's any narc supply to be had here because I'm bored/have lost supply elsewhere/just wondering"

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 01/02/2023 12:15

@SilentRetreat The . I think means "just checking if there's any narc supply to be had here because I'm bored/have lost supply elsewhere/just wondering"

🤣😂🤣😂 (falls from chair laughing but you pretty much nailed it).

Youngatheart00 · 01/02/2023 13:29

The most powerful thing you can do is not reply. Don’t restart the cycle. You know where it ends……

LilLilLi · 01/02/2023 14:15

Imagine his smug little face if you reply. Knowing he broke you and still holds power over you, thinking that you just can’t resist him.

Now imagine his confusion if you don’t reply, him constantly checking his inbox to see if you have.

Which scenario do you prefer?

Original poster
SilentRetreat · 01/02/2023 15:53

@LilLilLi so very true

OP posts:
Original poster
SilentRetreat · 01/02/2023 16:02

The ridiculous thing here is that this time after a drunken text confession to some pretty exposing activities that I had guessed he was up to...he was the one that did the blocking after I said I didn't think friendship would work.

A few days later I realised I really didn't need any of his drama and anxiety he causes and for him to have all of this control over when we communicate and I did the same and blocked him right back.

Yet here he is hoovering.

And yes it's childish. I've never blocked anyone before. For me it comes from a place of self preservation. For him it's to control and punish.

OP posts:
Original poster
SilentRetreat · 01/02/2023 16:04

Teenage drama in your 40s is not cool Blush

OP posts:
Ydkiml · 01/02/2023 16:45

Your doing well , and I’m sure he’s not used to girls being so strong , well done but keep going , you’ll never find mr right with mr wrong on ya arm .

Sandra1984 · 01/02/2023 16:50

@Ydkiml ”you’ll never find mr right with mr wrong on ya arm “

Getting a T- shirt with that. 🤣

Ydkiml · 01/02/2023 16:51

😂😂

xJoyPeaceHealthx · 01/02/2023 17:47

You read him well.

He hasn't changed. He wants to reel you back in so he can restore equilibrium by dumping you.