Am I crazy to try for a baby with someone I hardly know/is totally unsuitable

[Countrymouse2]

Looking for some rational advice please! As the title suggests, I am considering TTC with someone I hardly know.
I know this sounds absolutely crazy - but to give some context, I have been in a LTR for over a decade which has now ended and I have ended up meeting someone else.
My previous bf and I tried for a baby for nearly 3 yrs, and it didn’t happen but my tests were normal so I don’t think it was my issue. I am now nearly 39. Ultimately we broke up for many reasons but a big one was his lack of interest in having kids and yet I wanted them.

I have now been seeing someone else who is younger than me (32!) and already has kids but never married to his kids mother - they don’t have a good relationship tbh, but he has an amazing relationship with his kids and you can see he worships them/the feeling is mutual. I have only been seeing him for about 5 months and I do REALLY like him - maybe even love him, but his lack of successful job prospects is an issue for me (he is not English and will likely always be broke) combined with the fact he may one day go back to his home country.
I have been honest with him from the start and said I was looking for commitment and to be a mother. I can see he loves me so much and he is keen for another child. I honestly don’t know if I can see myself with him forever (although of course that would be amazing!) simply because my head is telling me I would always have to be the main provider, however I want a child and I can see my window closing rapidly because of my age.

Am I being a shallow person for not being able to see past the ‘wage’ prospects for this guy? He would be a fantastic father and treats me better than probably more than any man has in my past! Not to mention that I fancy him like crazy which I think is not helping me make rational decisions…

I am worried about the fact I have hardly been seeing him long - and yet I am considering this because I am so aware of my age. Would it be so bad to consider having a child if I knew it was a possibility that me and the father didn’t work out??

I know this is impossible to answer, but should I end it with him and hope I meet someone else (more suitable!) soon?!

Thanks for all brutal honesty (I can take it - I think!)

xx

than knowing the person that you will live with a ‘part of’ them for say the next 18yrs.

Incidentally, you say you're swayed by having a child with him because he has such personality traits and

... and the implications they'd be passed on.

No matter what his true personality traits are; that's a massive, flawed assumption.

Kids are their own people. They don't always reflect traits if either (or both) parents.

It's not dog breeding.

My work colleague said that the thing that shocked him the most about having 3 kids was how incredibly different each of them were.

*such nice personality traits

It’s not that though, is it, it’s the fact that he’s got existing children he doesn’t see, other than bits of FaceTime, who he’s planning on having visit in six or seven years time (when they won’t remember him/care enough to want to!). He’s happy to pretty much leave them for his new life. If he didn’t already have a family it would be different.

OP you say having a dad that sends money and facetimes his kids at the other end of the world is better than an absent father living in the same country. Yes, but that’s the lowest form of comparison. He doesn’t compare to a dad who is there when they’re sick, who goes to parent’s nights, birthdays, parties etc. Gives them hugs. Goes on days out. A real dad. If you really wanted a family with him you’d probably be better moving to Argentina. It’s not the third world, I’ve been many times. That way he sees all his kids. He might be paid less as a polo groom would over here. But you can live well over there.

Run. Use a sperm donor and save yourself the pain. If he's keen to have another baby with a woman he has known for 5 months he is not a great Dad. He sounds like an irresponsible Disney dad. You are still in the honeymoon stage. You do not know him and the bad relationship with the ex is a waving 🚩. Think about the child. Choose a man from a catalogue. Don't be baby mama number x with lord knows how many siblings. You won't be the last.

actually quite a lot of replies on here seem to believe that him not being English is an issue.

It’s not the fact that he’s not English.

It’s the fact that he already has kids in a different country and he is here on a work visa - can you not see how highly likely it is that he would move back to his home country?

What’s going to happen to your child then?

Most people would question how good of a father you can be if you live in a completely different country.

You also said you want a baby with a man you know and not one from a Petri dish - but you don’t know him that well.

You’ve only been together 5 months and you want a baby with him already.

How long have you been living together out of that 5 months?

Am I the only one who thinks this is just one big windup?

Solvent property owning career woman who seriously considers procreating with a penniless cocklodger in search of Permanent Leave to Remain....

Of course it is, no one can be this naive

This one sounds slightly saner than the one last week who wanted to jump straight into baby making with her Australian pen-pal she had known for 16 years but never actually met before, I'll give her that...

OP, I think if you are 39 and want to use him as a sperm donor, more power to you.

I think you are crazy if you want a relationship involving a pregnancy with a man you've known for 5 months, has few prospects of a job, is only 32 but already have children, is likely to return to his country in the future but you know "he loves you so much". After 5 months.

<shaking my head>

Haven't read the full thread but if you've only been together 5 months and he's already bringing up having a child together 'a lot' (your words) this would be ringing alarm bells for me.