I opened Xmas gifts early and hate them :(

[Dawb]

So DP has taken DD to soft play this morning (rare). I’m using the time to have a clean around and found a box from my favourite website shop and decided to open it. I know very bad. I realised it was my Xmas gifts and still chose to open it while no one was in. The website isn’t designer or major expensive, but not cheap either.

The box contains nothing I like at all. The site sells different brands (think retro) and I’ve never heard of a few of them in the box. A few others completely inappropriate (think allergies to cosmetics).

I feel so so mean literally not liking any of it. He has spent I would say at least £150 on a load of expensive tat. I wouldn’t wear or use any of it.

DP is far from romantic. He does try but I think due to his upbringing he is a bit of a robot. I feel so so mean telling him - ‘thanks for trying but what on earth were you thinking’. I’m also feeling a bit down that he really hasn’t got a clue - and probably never will.

Apart from not being romantic or spontaneous he is a lovely partner. Can’t discuss with my best friend as her DP is being such a CF at the moment and would kill for a DP like mine. What do I do? Please help!

Maybe they’re not for you - to be honest I hope they’re not.
how old are you? 12? That you couldn’t stop yourself from opening it?

@Dawb Your husband sounds amazing, sad you are focussing on something you shouldn't even have opened and you are utterly unreasonable for treating him like a child.

Did you set a limit?

My partner absolutely loves a Christmas Eve panic buy,last year he spent nearly three hundred quid on some earrings that will be perfect for me when I'm eighty five.

Future proofing :D

I have not read through the thread. I would be embarrassed to fess up I opened up a box with presents I knew were for me. I would thank him on the day and later on see if I could exchange. I would also make sure I explain in more detail what I would like for future presents.

I bet they’re not for you considering how it’s all completely not your taste.

Men are a bit useless with gifts.
One year my partner brought me 2 books. 1 was by Dawn French, 1 from Paul O'grady. I asked him why. He said you like them. Dawn French.. I like but for her comedy, I had never read any of her books. Paul O'grady. I liked for his channel 5 TV, series. But again not his books. I have tried to read Paul's, but unless it's a book that I enjoy, I cannot read it.
Now I sometimes, buy what I want and give it to him to wrap for me.he cannot even get it, when I drop massive hints.
But he will know you looked, when he sees the package open. Maybe tell him, when he finds it, then admit, you don't like the stuff, maybe he could get you something else.

I've been with my dh 17 years. Never seen him cry. Shows no emotion does my head in!!!

Shouldn't have opened an already opened box that is sat by the sofa in the communal space? Most people would wonder what had been left there surely, and check what it was so they could tidy away/give to whoever the owner is.

🙄

I would suck it up this year. Then next year suggest you have a ‘Christmas list’ each. Then decide on a budget to spend. DH can then pick anything he likes off your list up to his budget - it’ll still be a surprise as you won’t know which ones he’s bought but equally you’ll like everything he’s bought, as will he of your gifts. For all you know he may be faking a smile over the ‘tat’ you buy him so it may to everyone’s relief

If you were my partner, I would rather be told that you didn't like it and want to swap it for stuff you do like, at least that way it's not a waste of £150 if it just sits in the cupboard. Relationship are supposed to be about honesty and trust right?

This has got to be a joke surely! No adult is going to open their Christmas presents early like a spoilt child. You were upset last time because he didn’t do enough and now you’re upset because he’s done too much.

^This

Because not all the people enjoy or understand this game with presents.

It's not a game. It's called having manners.

I totally get you. I am a bit particular with things as well and like to be asked or am happy with a voucher etc instead. In your case op I would try and hint at what I like on the site. Like ‘oh isn’t this lovely, maybe for my bday’ maybe he will get the hint. If not then keep the receipts and exchange for something a week after Xmas to not ruin the vibe. Good luck xx

You are being beyond ungrateful. The poor guy did something lovely and you keep telling him he gets it wrong. Go from lists next time and be specific about plans.

When you open it, put a big fucking smile on your face and say thank you. Then, if you must, tell him a few days later you're allergic to some ingredients and would he mind if you swapped it. Then return the whole bloody lot and get similar, but what you want. He'll never notice.

And remember, LISTS next time.

Red Flags everywhere.
I hope he sees them.

You sound narcissistic, you gaslight him and you emotionally (possibly financially) control/abuse him. You have no respect for him and feel superior both financially and emotionally.

I truly hope you seek help with your control issues etc and he seeks help with working through your abusive behaviour towards him.

Your initial post and follow up posts have shown that you cannot see that you have overstepped a boundary, you are self centred and assume that these gifts are for you. You are upset/angry/annoyed because you think he has spent over the £10 limit you imposed on him, yet the last time he followed one of your rules ‘incorrectly’ you punished him by crying all day (and still use this as an example of his ‘bad behaviour’ nearly two years later).

Tbh if I read this and I knew who your partner was, I would show him this thread and support him in getting some impartial advice from a men’s support group.

If it's expensive then what's the problem?? Allergies are another thing but your DP should know about these anyway?

@Dawb have you actually spoken to him yet...

Yes, do this (totally worth it for £150). If he didn’t pay using a joint account, see if you can get store credit and access it (would it be sent to his e-mail address?)

I feel for you and totally understand. My DH can get it so wedding sometimes. To the point I now send him links to what I want. One year I had told him exactly what purfume I wanted and what I opened was something his mum and her friends would've worn. So I said laughingly , 'That's nice, still got the receipt??' I had had enough of in the end being very direct and still not getting what I had asked for. So that's what I suggest you do, 'That's lovely, still got the receipt?' Tell him that you just can't see yourself wearing it and you don't want to waste the money he's spent so something that is going to get pushed at the back of the drawer. Unfortunately, I have a friend whose husband bought a wrong sized bra and when she suggested changing it, he got sulky, so every now and then she has to wear the damn thing that makes it look as though she has 4 boobs.

24° is nothing to brag about 😂

I’ve not RTFT so apologies if this is repeated - but you know this is now featured on The Sun website?

I’m astounded and amazed in equal parts. Pls attach whichever adjective you find fits the bullet point:

• that it’s only 5 Dec and he’s already done his shopping - total kudos to him 👏🏻👏🏻
• that you’ve already opened the box and couldn’t have waited 😳 what a shame
• that you would even consider saying something like - “what were you thinking?”when he has gone to the trouble of using a website he knows you like. However I’m a positive thinker and hope that you mean this as a joke

I am sure you won’t continue and spoil it. Have a lovely Christmas 🎄 away.

Sounds like the guy cant do right for doing wrong. Just have one rule, every birthday christmas anniversary have a set limit (with card) and adjust accordingly to whether your financial situation improves or declines each year. And discuss the likes and dislikes. Every year my hubby gets the DD1 and DD2 a calendar. usually something they like such as animals or space. DD1 is 3rd year uni and does not use them anymore, and DD2 is going to uni next year and is not bothered about having one now as her calendar year starts september too. So when he mentioned buying them the other day I told him, no more calendars lol.

I don't think you sound ungrateful and I know exactly what you mea, it can be difficult when you get hinks you really don't like from people you think know you.