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Original poster

I opened Xmas gifts early and hate them :(

332 replies

Dawb · 03/12/2022 09:44

So DP has taken DD to soft play this morning (rare). I’m using the time to have a clean around and found a box from my favourite website shop and decided to open it. I know very bad. I realised it was my Xmas gifts and still chose to open it while no one was in. The website isn’t designer or major expensive, but not cheap either.

The box contains nothing I like at all. The site sells different brands (think retro) and I’ve never heard of a few of them in the box. A few others completely inappropriate (think allergies to cosmetics).

I feel so so mean literally not liking any of it. He has spent I would say at least £150 on a load of expensive tat. I wouldn’t wear or use any of it.

DP is far from romantic. He does try but I think due to his upbringing he is a bit of a robot. I feel so so mean telling him - ‘thanks for trying but what on earth were you thinking’. I’m also feeling a bit down that he really hasn’t got a clue - and probably never will.

Apart from not being romantic or spontaneous he is a lovely partner. Can’t discuss with my best friend as her DP is being such a CF at the moment and would kill for a DP like mine. What do I do? Please help!

OP posts:
been and done it. · 04/12/2022 19:40

My husband spent a couple of hundred pounds on jewellery for me a few Christmases ago from a niche little jewellery shop...ear rings and necklace..despite being married for 40 years he's got no idea..just goes in and picks the first thing he sees I think. I'm never wearing them I hate them..they're blue dolphins and horrible. I told him and we tried to return them but I didn't like any of her other stuff, couldn't even sell them on Ebay ...anyone want them.lol

Iaintsadwhenugotobed · 04/12/2022 19:42

Why is everyone absolutely dying that he got the present by dec 5th. It’s 2022 men can be expected to shop early esp since we just had a huge Black Friday sale. Anyone smart that had presents to buy would shop early no? I am seeing so much ‘oh he tried’ but wtaf. He should have some inkling or ask or have kept the receipt. People are saying keep a list but what to have on a list where ur supposed to buy a £10 present. Looks like a lot of people have experience where the bar is so low they don’t expect a man to have already done the shopping or to know what kind of thing would look nice or if she has specific allergies. She doesn’t like it so she doesn’t like it. She shouldn’t have to feel bad for having a certain taste. I agree she should be nice about it but that’s about it. But yourself a nice present op to get over some people on the thread. X

Rosegold92 · 04/12/2022 19:52

Just accept the gifts this year and try to be grateful for the efforts he has made for you. My partner would not do this for me. But next year tell him exactly what you want so that you're not disappointed again. My other half asks me what I want and I ask him and that's what we get.

KatyClair · 04/12/2022 19:53

Dawb · 03/12/2022 09:44

So DP has taken DD to soft play this morning (rare). I’m using the time to have a clean around and found a box from my favourite website shop and decided to open it. I know very bad. I realised it was my Xmas gifts and still chose to open it while no one was in. The website isn’t designer or major expensive, but not cheap either.

The box contains nothing I like at all. The site sells different brands (think retro) and I’ve never heard of a few of them in the box. A few others completely inappropriate (think allergies to cosmetics).

I feel so so mean literally not liking any of it. He has spent I would say at least £150 on a load of expensive tat. I wouldn’t wear or use any of it.

DP is far from romantic. He does try but I think due to his upbringing he is a bit of a robot. I feel so so mean telling him - ‘thanks for trying but what on earth were you thinking’. I’m also feeling a bit down that he really hasn’t got a clue - and probably never will.

Apart from not being romantic or spontaneous he is a lovely partner. Can’t discuss with my best friend as her DP is being such a CF at the moment and would kill for a DP like mine. What do I do? Please help!

Wow! So you opened your presents early? Then have the cheek to moan about them?! You sound like really ungrateful. I hope come Xmas day you realise they aren’t for you anyway!

audeloquipalam · 04/12/2022 19:53

Sounds like you’ve got exactly what you want for Christmas - something to whinge about.

Oneruleforone · 04/12/2022 20:11

When dh and I got married, we were really hard up. I was out shopping one day and saw a Winter jacket I really liked (and really needed) in a sale and thought I would get that for dh to give me, as he was useless at buying things. When I got home I told him what I had done and he was really annoyed and told me he had already got my present! I reluctantly took jacket back for a refund and excitedly waited till Christmas Day to see what he had bought for me.

On Christmas morning I gave him his presents - a jumper I knew he would like and a box of his favourite chocolates. He handed me my gift….a bottle of Martini (which I don’t, and never have, drunk)! I was absolutely gutted, especially when he let slip that he had won it in the office Lucky Dip, so he hadn’t went out and chosen me anything at all. He then said that his dm liked Martini, so he might as well give it to her, as I had been very ungrateful over my gift! I went back to try and get the jacket I had liked on Boxing Day, but they no longer had it in my size!

Surprised we made it to the next Christmas really!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/12/2022 20:11

Since it's so off base....
Maybe it's not meant for you?
🤷‍♀️

Passthechocolatesplease · 04/12/2022 20:25

Sadbeigechildren · 03/12/2022 22:51

I literally try so so hard (probably too hard). Prob need to think of myself more!

What did I just read?

Exactly!
from your previous posts I imagine that would be an impossible task.
I feel sorry for your other half to have such ungrateful partner.

Passthechocolatesplease · 04/12/2022 20:26

audeloquipalam · 04/12/2022 19:53

Sounds like you’ve got exactly what you want for Christmas - something to whinge about.

😂

clpsmum · 04/12/2022 20:37

audeloquipalam · 04/12/2022 19:53

Sounds like you’ve got exactly what you want for Christmas - something to whinge about.

🤣🤣🤣

Kassalah · 04/12/2022 20:47

You should make a 'wish list' for each other next year - no disappointments then.

Adviceneeded200 · 04/12/2022 21:09

We always surprise each other at Christmas.

Agree a budget. I buy mine and wrap it but he gives it to me....I get what I want and its a surprise to him! And vice versa.

Right laugh. No errors

Stokey · 04/12/2022 21:11

I think you've been given a bit of a hard time here OP. DH is often a bit hit and miss with his presents as I am. We just keep all receipts and return anything the other doesn't like. I'd never pretend to like something he gave me as I'd rather be honest with him.

JudgeJ · 04/12/2022 21:19

Adviceneeded200 · 04/12/2022 21:09

We always surprise each other at Christmas.

Agree a budget. I buy mine and wrap it but he gives it to me....I get what I want and its a surprise to him! And vice versa.

Right laugh. No errors

We did that one year, buy and wrap our own then the 'surprise' is in what you're giving and in theory you get what you want! OH however couldn't even think of what to buy for himself and got stroppy, in a nice way, that I'd bought myself something he would never have thought of yet was so obvious, a subscription to Private Eye that I bought every fortnight.

Grrrrdarling · 04/12/2022 21:20

Dawb · 03/12/2022 09:44

So DP has taken DD to soft play this morning (rare). I’m using the time to have a clean around and found a box from my favourite website shop and decided to open it. I know very bad. I realised it was my Xmas gifts and still chose to open it while no one was in. The website isn’t designer or major expensive, but not cheap either.

The box contains nothing I like at all. The site sells different brands (think retro) and I’ve never heard of a few of them in the box. A few others completely inappropriate (think allergies to cosmetics).

I feel so so mean literally not liking any of it. He has spent I would say at least £150 on a load of expensive tat. I wouldn’t wear or use any of it.

DP is far from romantic. He does try but I think due to his upbringing he is a bit of a robot. I feel so so mean telling him - ‘thanks for trying but what on earth were you thinking’. I’m also feeling a bit down that he really hasn’t got a clue - and probably never will.

Apart from not being romantic or spontaneous he is a lovely partner. Can’t discuss with my best friend as her DP is being such a CF at the moment and would kill for a DP like mine. What do I do? Please help!

I’m terrible to buy for but it is because I hate receiving stuff I won’t or can’t use because 1)it is a waste of money,
2) a gift &
3) I feel guilty receiving the gift because I can’t fake loving something that I can’t eat, drink or use.
I have a gluten & dairy intolerance as well as issues with additives & artificial sugars so anything with them in is wasted on me & my family.

Original poster
Dawb · 04/12/2022 21:32

Wow never thought I’d have nearly 18,000 views!!!
I firstly want to say I am shocked at how many (obviously bitter women) wanted the gifts to be for someone else and was enjoying at the thought of me, the OP having an Emma Thomson moment.

Today I told him I saw the box from the website (opened and down the side of the sofa) and when I lifted it, it was apparent he hadn’t stuck to the £10 limit as there were multiple items inside (cheapest item from shop is £10).

I said could we please stick to £10 limit as we are going away and we can’t pack lots of stuff in the suitcase and would rather prioritise DD gifts anyway.

He admitted he had panicked and bought items in a Black Friday panic and can’t remember what he had bought. He looked on his phone at the confirmation email and said I’ve panicked and don’t know why I’ve done this.

I said I don’t need you to buy lots of items for me and would be happy with a £10 budget sand think it’s more fun and better comedy value. He has agreed to it and will be making a return.

We have decided next year we are going to go to a £1 shop and choose 5x£1 items each for each other.

Ive never posted on mumsnet before and want to thank so many women for amazing advice - especially the one who is obviously a therapist and could tell that there is significant trauma attached to birthdays and Xmas. Your kind comments and advice really helped me yesterday when I felt unable to talk to any of my ‘real life’ people.…

and to all the horrible women & love actually fans - think of me living your miserable lives while I’m on holiday 😜haha

OP posts:
amispeakingintongues · 04/12/2022 21:58

? Seriously

because the last time he took your word for it you had an emotional break down at not getting a birthday card. So now you’ve taught him to not listen to rules and always spend money on / go above and beyond.

men are simple creatures and this one is damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. Give him a break.

Justthisonce12 · 04/12/2022 22:03

Cant wait to see your face on Christmas Day when you open the Joni Mitchel CD

WonderingWanda · 04/12/2022 22:09

Can't you just be grateful and say thank you? After all it's the thought that counts surely? As an adult you can go and buy the stuff you actaually want any time. He's made a lovely thoughtful gesture and at the end of the day you should appreciate that. I assume you haven't got any kids yet? You'll need to get your poker faces sorted for gifts they bring you. To be honest I can't really get past the fact that you looked at the gifts before hand. You sound really spoilt and if you tell him you don't like his gifts then you deserve nothing at all.

burnoutbabe · 04/12/2022 22:12

Great update, well done and glad he is returning it all.

Shewhomustbeobeyed1 · 04/12/2022 22:19

Well done Dawbie!!!
God - there are soooooo many bitter individuals on here.
Dawb has very kindly thanked everyone for their help including you harridans and you’re still carping on. Shame on you. 🙄

SimplyTheGuest · 04/12/2022 22:27

You must be bursting to tell him you had "nearly 18,000 views lol,
could be slightly awkward! 😂

AnnieSnap · 04/12/2022 22:31

category12 · 03/12/2022 09:47

I think he tried.

Maybe on the day, slap a smile on your face and be nice about it instead.

This ☝️ He bought stuff from your favourite shop FFS! You should appreciate that. Don’t spoil it for him. After Christmas, maybe say you’d like to change something and ask for the receipt. You can then exchange the lot!

NDMum · 04/12/2022 22:32

18,000 views and in the newspaper 😂

petmad · 04/12/2022 22:38

We dont really buy anything for eatch other at christmas or birthdays because weve been together 34 years weve done the chocolates teddies flowers jewellery, etc if we see anything throughout the year we buy it and allocate for christmas no were not humbugs weve grandchildren and 3 adult children wed rather spend it on them.

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