Dating Thread 236 - Swiping, Blocking and Video Calls

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

New thread!

He stays at mine five nights a week, the issue is he wants more and I want less. I need my space and independence, his ideal is to be joined at the hip! It’s not a dealbreaker

Thanks all… all sorted now! Next…

@Thisisworsethananticpated .. sadly not! Thought that might have been a game changer 🤣

Home by 9.30. Just nice. Nothing more. Little bit shy, I think, but just about held his own. Interesting enough, in a quiet way. No kids bothers me. Don’t think we have much in common, but I don’t care about that. I have hobbies, I don’t expect to share his football or my quilting. It’s also a longish way. Flashes of a cheeky smile a couple of times. If I go on a second date, that will be why. But I’m not sure it’s enough to tempt me, really.

I’m trying really hard not to make comparisons, because that just isn’t fair.

Interesting about the perception of happy smug couples.
People often commented on how great me and my exh weretogether /couldn't have been more wrong!
With my current squeeze (which is too good to be true hence why I lurk here to be prepared when it ends) People actually come up to us in pubs and ask the secret of a happy marriage 🤣🤣🤣 and a random guy on the tube just d he got off told us we be so great together we should get married (he was one of the rare ones who did not assume we already were). We have several shared interests and lots of mutual friends now and we have been seeing each other for about 16 months. He has had a very damaged past and awful childhood and no relationships other than a short lived marriage and I am coming out of a very long marriage and find out very difficult to trust so it is far from ideal just looks that way from the outside. I have one dear friend I confide in who lives a long way away and didn't know him which, along with this thread and the wisdom from Mila and others, saves my sanity -this relationship would not have survived without insights I have gained from those.

For all of us who find we have to carry the conversation 🙄😂😂

When I was doing OLD I would sometimes see women’s profile with lists of requirements, such as age, height, hair, income, etc, most of those had the I don’t message 1s comment, all were an instant No, it more like applying for a job than asking for a date.

NoShow is bigger than me, so I can get into her pants okay, ( I did joke about that once and put them on, but women’s pants have nowhere to put your equipment)

@Definitelycross their reply proving the point there!

I think the comments around driving are interesting, if I was a younger person in a metropolitan area with good public transport links then dating someone who couldn’t drive would be a non issue, but as rural person is probably going to be a big old no.

So I have a question for the mothership panel.

it looks like the Xmas bonkathon might be on again, so I have a question around ED and meds etc, I have suffered from ED before, normally stress related, ( I think she kinda knows this), I have blue pills “just in case”, but I think I’m just going to be straight up and say that’s no reflection on her, or how I feel about her, but I might need some help in that dept.

Is that’s okay? ,

l have read some pretty disparaging on this forum about men who cannot get it up & I don’t want her to think/ feel that way about me.

I think being straight up is always the best policy @NoDatingForOldMen. If you’ve told her about all the stress you are under re your mum, it’s a natural corollary that sex may be affected I reckon. It may not be of course, but forewarned is forearmed and all that. (When I spent most of October visiting hospital with my poor dad, sex with Mr B was even better because it was so life-affirming and a stress relief)

Yeah just be honest @NoDatingForOldMen, she knows your current situation

A non driver would be a no for me too - I already ferry the kids round and don't want to add to my taxi duties so driving would need to be shared

You don’t like him really. Don’t force yourself Eeky…next

Oh absolutely.

I would always prefer to talk about it and sort it rather than it be an elephant in the room so to speak.

Xxx

Ah Jangolina…this is great and if you look great together it is because you are really. It makes me feel warm to read this post.
I’m very in love too. But we also have challenges and I am taking it a day at a time.
I think it’s better not to do very long term plans and enjoy what we have really.
The important thing is they add and makes us mostly happy!!
I always felt , all this years, I was punching glove my weight too. I don’t feel like that anymore. After 7 years…this is my actual weight. If it doesn’t work… I know my weight.

@NoDatingForOldMen talk to her, open and honest. Trust in her and it will bring you closer. Including physically.

I also hate the shopping list of requirements. It's all very selfish and me, me, me. I want, want, want. It puts me off completely.

I understand people wanting to avoid time wasters, and those frustrations also coming through in people's profiles. Ideally you keep a lid on that and treat everyone as an individual you'd like to get to know based on initial info and photos. It's hard when you're doing it backwards - scoping out someone THEN trying to see whether the real spark is there.

Definitely be honest @NoDatingForOldMen

when I had my weekend with MrF, he admitted he couldn’t DTD again as quickly as I suggested and it was very refreshing to just have that conversation with no second guessing!

I suspect that those women have been raised that men’s pleasure is their responsibility (most of us have, and there’s no point pretending otherwise or we can’t move on) thus ED feels like they are ‘not enough’ and makes them feel defensive. A sensible conversation in advance with no judgement would likely go a very long way to smoothing over those misunderstandings.

I would always prefer to talk about it and sort it rather than it be an elephant in the room so to speak.

the flaccid elephant in the room 😂😂

Yeah, I’ve in MrF’s shoes, and had to politely explain that in 53 to 23 and recovery period is longer…

Thanks- it’s exactly those kind of misunderstandings I’m looking to avoid

I agree @NoDatingForOldMen. It shows a maturity and confidence that she will respect and may even take the pressure off. You seem clued in and I know I would appreciate that. Relax and enjoy each others company.

Completely agree with @LuckyLinda3 , @NoDatingForOldMen. Definitely have the discussion beforehand. You can then relax and not stress about it.

So my birthday weekend was a bit if a let down. The weather put a stop to out dinner plans and we didnt meet then on sunday either, it was never mentioned. We have spent the past few days messaging but last night I took the opportunity to spell out how let down I felt. He took it on board and has acknowledged that he could have done more and wants to make it up to me and has already something planned. My problem is our schedules and separate xmas plans take us right into next week and I feel quite flat after all the negative texting back and forth. Part of me is thinking at this stage I just want a quiet relaxing break with my kids without wondering about when we will get time but I don't want to seem like I'm playing games and putting him on hold either.

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss did you have your adult fun time? Did teens make it away? Did your brother like him and vice versa. Mothership awaits update!

😂😂😂

Honest please someone shoot me.

I was messaging a really nice guy last night. Started again today and within an hour - do you like sex?

I mean seriously? Would they say that if they met you in a bar?

Blocked. Moved on.