Page 35 | Dating Thread 236 - Swiping, Blocking and Video Calls

BaddogGooddoggy · 19/12/2022 18:29

I have to disagree there. My 4 year relationship with Mr B is healthy (happy, supportive, loving, equal and kind) but it’s also crazy passionate. The one doesn’t exclude the other. In fact they feed each other.

Mila14 · 19/12/2022 18:34

BaddogGooddoggy · 19/12/2022 18:29

I have to disagree there. My 4 year relationship with Mr B is healthy (happy, supportive, loving, equal and kind) but it’s also crazy passionate. The one doesn’t exclude the other. In fact they feed each other.

Excellent stuff. I just feel there is always a tension in a relationship. That’s my experience. Nothing is completely settled somehow and therefore there is a degree of struggle always . Even if it’s tiny. Some periods are very settled and others not so much. 4 years is a really good time to know what works. You are very fortunate 😊

Mollymolloy · 19/12/2022 18:42

Having a bit of a nightmare!! Met up with MrA a week ago. It was the 3rd date and we had been chatting everyday for weeks.

We got on really well but, there was no spark and he kept going on about his ex’s. I am pretty sporty, outgoing and love cooking. He said that he was the same but, clearly isn’t. He did say that he was upset that an ex made him move out shortly after he moved in as he had misrepresented himself.

The idea of the 3rd date was for me to go to his for dinner and to DTD. Anyway, as soon as I got to his, he gave me a ‘guided tour’. I hadn’t even taken my coat off when, as soon as we got to his bedroom, he pounced. We DTD. It was quite lighthearted but, awkward. We went downstairs for dinner. He asked me to set my phone for 8 minutes, after which he came out of the kitchen with two bowls of heated up party food. To be honest, if I invited someone for dinner, I do make an effort and cook a meal. I left shortly afterwards feeling pretty cheap!

I did txt to say that I was home ok but, haven’t spoken to him much since. I have had flu all week and have been up to my eyes with work/kids and just want to put it behind me. He keeps txting and demanding an explanation. What do I do/say?

5thWisdom · 19/12/2022 18:52

@BaddogGooddoggy I agree with @Mila14 - you are very fortunate.

I'm not sure I've ever experienced a healthy relationship that has passion and security and everything in between in equal measure. I fear I may have left it too late as the pool is now so small...or so depleted of good men!

5thWisdom · 19/12/2022 18:55

Mollymolloy · 19/12/2022 18:42

Having a bit of a nightmare!! Met up with MrA a week ago. It was the 3rd date and we had been chatting everyday for weeks.

We got on really well but, there was no spark and he kept going on about his ex’s. I am pretty sporty, outgoing and love cooking. He said that he was the same but, clearly isn’t. He did say that he was upset that an ex made him move out shortly after he moved in as he had misrepresented himself.

The idea of the 3rd date was for me to go to his for dinner and to DTD. Anyway, as soon as I got to his, he gave me a ‘guided tour’. I hadn’t even taken my coat off when, as soon as we got to his bedroom, he pounced. We DTD. It was quite lighthearted but, awkward. We went downstairs for dinner. He asked me to set my phone for 8 minutes, after which he came out of the kitchen with two bowls of heated up party food. To be honest, if I invited someone for dinner, I do make an effort and cook a meal. I left shortly afterwards feeling pretty cheap!

I did txt to say that I was home ok but, haven’t spoken to him much since. I have had flu all week and have been up to my eyes with work/kids and just want to put it behind me. He keeps txting and demanding an explanation. What do I do/say?

He can demand away but if you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it.

Others will have a better way of putting this I'm sure but short and sweet is my suggestion. Just text him and tell him you had a great time, sadly you're not feeling enough of a spark to continue dating him and wish him a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Then block and delete.

Boom. Done.

I know I would always appreciate this than being strung along, a la Mr Boxer.

BaddogGooddoggy · 19/12/2022 18:59

5thWisdom · 19/12/2022 18:52

@BaddogGooddoggy I agree with @Mila14 - you are very fortunate.

I'm not sure I've ever experienced a healthy relationship that has passion and security and everything in between in equal measure. I fear I may have left it too late as the pool is now so small...or so depleted of good men!

Well I waited a long time, we met when I was 56 and he was 50. Never too late. It’s been a complete revelation to me, as my marriage was your big standard crap one. Not everything is fully ‘settled’ for us eg living arrangements, but what is settled is that we love each other, so we find our way through. Without drama. We’ve never had a cross word. I don’t believe it myself!

5thWisdom · 19/12/2022 19:07

Yes the passion has tended to come from falling out and dramatic reunions, sadly.

I know I'm partly to blame for this drama with my insecurities. I suppose I'm just looking for someone to complement that side of my personality, not feed into it and send me spiralling.

Other people make finding a compatible partner look so easy. I'm not how they managed to do it straight from uni or late 20s and are settled in family life now. The school run does make me so sad sometimes.

Mila14 · 19/12/2022 19:29

Mollymolloy · 19/12/2022 18:42

Having a bit of a nightmare!! Met up with MrA a week ago. It was the 3rd date and we had been chatting everyday for weeks.

We got on really well but, there was no spark and he kept going on about his ex’s. I am pretty sporty, outgoing and love cooking. He said that he was the same but, clearly isn’t. He did say that he was upset that an ex made him move out shortly after he moved in as he had misrepresented himself.

The idea of the 3rd date was for me to go to his for dinner and to DTD. Anyway, as soon as I got to his, he gave me a ‘guided tour’. I hadn’t even taken my coat off when, as soon as we got to his bedroom, he pounced. We DTD. It was quite lighthearted but, awkward. We went downstairs for dinner. He asked me to set my phone for 8 minutes, after which he came out of the kitchen with two bowls of heated up party food. To be honest, if I invited someone for dinner, I do make an effort and cook a meal. I left shortly afterwards feeling pretty cheap!

I did txt to say that I was home ok but, haven’t spoken to him much since. I have had flu all week and have been up to my eyes with work/kids and just want to put it behind me. He keeps txting and demanding an explanation. What do I do/say?

tell him he’s a very nice man and you had a good time but you are not feeling it. Wish him well in the future and get it over and done with
Feeling cheap and being treated cheap is just about enough you can handle. One to forget. Next!

Mila14 · 19/12/2022 19:35

5thWisdom · 19/12/2022 18:52

@BaddogGooddoggy I agree with @Mila14 - you are very fortunate.

I'm not sure I've ever experienced a healthy relationship that has passion and security and everything in between in equal measure. I fear I may have left it too late as the pool is now so small...or so depleted of good men!

It’s a lot harder when we are older and have divorces and bad marriages behind really. I’ve been 7 years with Mr Ex and ex wife still gives us agro. She dictates when she needs time off too ( which is a lot ) so Mr Ex can’t really plan much as he get DC. Next years DC will be in Uni so hopefully it will be a bit better. Once you pass 45 years old…this is a minefield too as I discovered OLD.

Mila14 · 19/12/2022 19:37

BaddogGooddoggy · 19/12/2022 18:59

Well I waited a long time, we met when I was 56 and he was 50. Never too late. It’s been a complete revelation to me, as my marriage was your big standard crap one. Not everything is fully ‘settled’ for us eg living arrangements, but what is settled is that we love each other, so we find our way through. Without drama. We’ve never had a cross word. I don’t believe it myself!

Show quote history

What are your living arrangements @BaddogGooddoggy …I really don’t want to live with MrEx.
I have kids at home still but in general, I do like my time on my own too

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/12/2022 19:42

Mollymolloy

oh dear
oh dear

agree with 5th message
send it
park it

may I enquire what the party snacks were !

was it a good shag ?

Mila14 · 19/12/2022 19:43

5thWisdom · 19/12/2022 19:07

Yes the passion has tended to come from falling out and dramatic reunions, sadly.

I know I'm partly to blame for this drama with my insecurities. I suppose I'm just looking for someone to complement that side of my personality, not feed into it and send me spiralling.

Other people make finding a compatible partner look so easy. I'm not how they managed to do it straight from uni or late 20s and are settled in family life now. The school run does make me so sad sometimes.

Fifthie…really… there are so many many many unhappy marriages. So many unhappy people doing the school run it’s unbelievable. I look at smug married people in a completely different way.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/12/2022 20:26

5thWisdom

comparison is the thief of joy

of course some people are happily married
and praise be ! But I can count on one hand how many I know (maybe two )

but as Mila said many aren’t happy at all

or are OK often good - but compromising and living in a state of resentment and surpassed anger

ive been there , i once cried at the couples in ikea !

Eeksteek · 19/12/2022 20:30

Loo update. He’s…..nice.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/12/2022 20:31

Eeksteek
keep smiling 🙂

Definitelycross · 19/12/2022 20:48

I've missed so much.

But I agree with being scared and running out I can identify.

And feeling cheap is beyond soul destroying.

Well, there's an incredibly handsome man started talking to me on Bumble last night. He lives about 3 hours away so I said 'have you ever visited my city?' He said no was there anywhere good to stay?
I said yeah loads of air bnbs.
He then said any progress made on that?
He then suggested he stayed at mine.
I can't believe the nerve of him.
So I said. No.

Why? I even put on my profiles - not up for one night stands or casual sex but I'm beginning to think I give off those vibes and I have no idea how???

When I'm first communicating I never make it risqué.

What am I doing wrong????

On the other one Match - a gorgeous man matched with me and actually messaged me first. I've gone back to it being Uber fussy and not messaging them first ever.

Bleugh I don't know.

Definitelycross · 19/12/2022 20:49

Oh and @Eeksteek so exciting

Mila14 · 19/12/2022 20:55

Definitelycross · 19/12/2022 20:48

I've missed so much.

But I agree with being scared and running out I can identify.

And feeling cheap is beyond soul destroying.

Well, there's an incredibly handsome man started talking to me on Bumble last night. He lives about 3 hours away so I said 'have you ever visited my city?' He said no was there anywhere good to stay?
I said yeah loads of air bnbs.
He then said any progress made on that?
He then suggested he stayed at mine.
I can't believe the nerve of him.
So I said. No.

Why? I even put on my profiles - not up for one night stands or casual sex but I'm beginning to think I give off those vibes and I have no idea how???

When I'm first communicating I never make it risqué.

What am I doing wrong????

On the other one Match - a gorgeous man matched with me and actually messaged me first. I've gone back to it being Uber fussy and not messaging them first ever.

Bleugh I don't know.

Don’t worry Deffy… search continues! Unmatch the idiot

Slothmomma · 19/12/2022 20:55

@Definitelycross I used to have similar on my profile but took it off as I felt men were seeing it as a challenge 😄

@Mollymolloy go with one of pp suggestions- get rid ASAP so you don't have to give him another thought and chalk up to experience

Got a few childfree days over this holiday so have had a look on apps. Matched today with someone and he's asked if I'm free to meet Friday, which I am, so meeting him for a drink. Don't know enough to name yet 😄

Mila14 · 19/12/2022 20:56

Eeksteek · 19/12/2022 20:30

Loo update. He’s…..nice.

Oh Eeky… fab !

5thWisdom · 19/12/2022 20:56

Thisisworsethananticpated · 19/12/2022 20:26

5thWisdom

comparison is the thief of joy

of course some people are happily married
and praise be ! But I can count on one hand how many I know (maybe two )

but as Mila said many aren’t happy at all

or are OK often good - but compromising and living in a state of resentment and surpassed anger

ive been there , i once cried at the couples in ikea !

Oh God! IKEA is the worst for a single girl!!!

Also Marks and Spencer's coffee shop with all the older couples who've been together for a million years.

Sob.

@Eeksteek that's a good start!

Mila14 · 19/12/2022 20:57

Slothmomma · 19/12/2022 20:55

@Definitelycross I used to have similar on my profile but took it off as I felt men were seeing it as a challenge 😄

@Mollymolloy go with one of pp suggestions- get rid ASAP so you don't have to give him another thought and chalk up to experience

Got a few childfree days over this holiday so have had a look on apps. Matched today with someone and he's asked if I'm free to meet Friday, which I am, so meeting him for a drink. Don't know enough to name yet 😄

Good stuff Slothy

5thWisdom · 19/12/2022 21:03

Definitelycross · 19/12/2022 20:48

I've missed so much.

But I agree with being scared and running out I can identify.

And feeling cheap is beyond soul destroying.

Well, there's an incredibly handsome man started talking to me on Bumble last night. He lives about 3 hours away so I said 'have you ever visited my city?' He said no was there anywhere good to stay?
I said yeah loads of air bnbs.
He then said any progress made on that?
He then suggested he stayed at mine.
I can't believe the nerve of him.
So I said. No.

Why? I even put on my profiles - not up for one night stands or casual sex but I'm beginning to think I give off those vibes and I have no idea how???

When I'm first communicating I never make it risqué.

What am I doing wrong????

On the other one Match - a gorgeous man matched with me and actually messaged me first. I've gone back to it being Uber fussy and not messaging them first ever.

Bleugh I don't know.

I was finding exactly the same thing. Exactly.

I'm with @Mila14 and have been thinking to have a break until March. That gives me Jan and Feb to get a good exercise regime in place, enough headspace to actually reflect on where I need to improve things. Focus on child and work and updating my wardrobe etc. Gets Valentines out of the way. Spring is springing. Lighter evenings. Feels like a good time.

Waiting for CrossFit to confirm the beginners course and booked yoga for this week. Wish the weather would improve to actually spend some time in fresh air.

Roll on 2023.

5thWisdom · 19/12/2022 21:05

Slothmomma · 19/12/2022 20:55

@Definitelycross I used to have similar on my profile but took it off as I felt men were seeing it as a challenge 😄

@Mollymolloy go with one of pp suggestions- get rid ASAP so you don't have to give him another thought and chalk up to experience

Got a few childfree days over this holiday so have had a look on apps. Matched today with someone and he's asked if I'm free to meet Friday, which I am, so meeting him for a drink. Don't know enough to name yet 😄

Hmm, a challenge- that's interesting, I hadn't thought of that!

That's great news, it's a relief to know that there are men out there taking the initiative. Keep us posted!

Definitelycross · 19/12/2022 21:11

Yeah I'm gong to take it off.

I'm not anyone's challenge.

As per Mila - anyone who gets in these pants is going to have to prove their worth first 😂😂

Oh and I meant to say the driving thing - no I couldn't. By the time you're my age if you're not driving then it's a no no.