Ahhh, exes. I’m quite disturbed about how much mine is in my thoughts, seeing as he’s also deceased. I know he was unusually bad, but really, there’s no reason to dwell on it after all this time. I’m worried about repeating my mistakes, I think. I’m sure a certain amount of reflection IS healthy - I mean past relationships must influence future ones, even if only ‘how not to do it’ - but there should also be a line. I suspect I really ought to have some therapy for that. I’d always meant to. Only everything happened faster than I meant it to. It amused me with Mr2Pugs, because I felt comfortable talking about my ex, then remembered who I was talking to, and shut up. And he did the same! We laughed about it. He was such a comfortable person to be with.
I am almost sure I want to text him and say the door is still open. It seems so
out of character, I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? He ignores it? Meh. He says I’m an awful/ugly/unsexy despicable person? I can get properly angry with him and move on. I feel embarrassed and make a fool of myself over someone I will likely never see again in my life? Well, that’s no disincentive, is it? Just deciding how long to leave it and what to say without writing a bloody essay like I normally do. I’m toying with leaving it a week, or waiting until when he is supposed to finish for Christmas. I’m not going to date anyone else, yet anyway (see aforementioned therapy plan), so I don’t feel like I’ve got much to lose, here. I’m manic at work this week, so no time for moping, and have good stuff organised up to Christmas, too.