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Dating Thread 236 - Swiping, Blocking and Video Calls

1000 replies

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 28/11/2022 15:27

New thread!

OP posts:
OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 28/11/2022 15:29

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

  1. Develop a thick skin.
  2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  4. Trust your gut instinct.
  5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  6. Know your worth.
  7. If it's not fun, stop.
  8. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

OP posts:
Mila14 · 28/11/2022 15:30

Ohhh lovely…I open a new thread but will stay on this one ☝️
checking in

Mila14 · 28/11/2022 15:32

Just directed Christmas OLD to this thread Oncey. Thank you for opening it!

5thWisdom · 28/11/2022 15:43

@Mila14 to answer your question - I'm stubborn and won't chase a man for a date! Haha!

Mila14 · 28/11/2022 15:46

5thWisdom · 28/11/2022 15:43

@Mila14 to answer your question - I'm stubborn and won't chase a man for a date! Haha!

☝️😂😂😂

OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss · 28/11/2022 16:30

So sorry @Mila14 I looked and could not find a new thread but thank you for putting yours together too!

My XHs new lucky lady love is getting the best of him too. It's galling isn't it. He's hands on and the news they'd got an allotment together four years ago made me weep uncontrollably for a full 24 hours.

He'd left me with an acre of grounds which he'd insisted we bought ten years before but never did anything in it apart from occasional whimsical chainsawing fun. The drudge of endless pruning, weeding and mowing fell to me from the start as he 'thought we'd be able to hire a gardener as I don't like gardening' so to hear he was happily planting and growing with his new bird was 🤬🤬🤬🤬

OP posts:
Mila14 · 28/11/2022 16:38

Oncey…I totally get you. We still get triggered with shit from ex husbands. I just don’t think we need to be saintly and forget all the wrongs. I will be happy if it does not trigger me much. He never listened.
I think we have the chance of building totally new with our future/ current partner but it is normal we have bad days and remember shit from our failed marriages.
I tell MrEx anything and all that can hurt me or annoy me. I think this is why after almost 7 Years I really don't resent anything other than being annoyed at his weakness on dealing with his own problems.

Trixymumofone · 28/11/2022 19:17

Hi! I’m hopping on to start preparing myself to back into dating next year…hope it’s ok to lurk for now please

Mila14 · 28/11/2022 19:26

Trixymumofone · 28/11/2022 19:17

Hi! I’m hopping on to start preparing myself to back into dating next year…hope it’s ok to lurk for now please

Welcome here…lovely that you feel ready to start in January! 😘

Zanatdy · 28/11/2022 19:50

Hi guys, posted on the other chat last week to say an ex colleague asked me for a drink. It was last Tuesday and I had a great time, very clear he likes me, and the feeling is mutual. Next day he asked me if I wanted to go out again, I said yes I’d like that so he said leave it with me (he has his kids 100%). Messaged him at work Friday to say have a good weekend and he replied saying he was having trouble getting a babysitter. I wasn’t sure if that was an excuse, but then he followed it up saying he couldn’t wait and added ‘sorry that was a bit forward’. Not heard from him since, he doesn’t have my number yet so we only communicate via work IM. I’m beginning to remember why I’m single! I don’t mind waiting if the date is say in 2wks. But I hate not knowing! It’s driving me bonkers. Paranoid too, even though he does seem keen, he also isn’t that keen as hasn’t asked for my number etc. Think I’ll go back to being single!! Or maybe find another guy who doesn’t need a babysitter now my kids are old enough to be home alone! I am enjoying the excitement though, well I was until it’s gone on hold. I’m 45 but feel like a teenager!

Mila14 · 28/11/2022 20:00

@Zanatdy …if he didn’t ask for your mobile number he’s not that interested. No worries…plenty of nice guys to choose from… you are on dating mood and that’s a positive thing!

5thWisdom · 28/11/2022 20:12

Trixymumofone · 28/11/2022 19:17

Hi! I’m hopping on to start preparing myself to back into dating next year…hope it’s ok to lurk for now please

Welcome - great time to OLD.

Watch and learn (mainly from our mistakes!) haha!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/11/2022 20:15

Thanks for the thread Oncey

on the back of this thread I just checked my exes Facebook to see if he’s got remarried

he hasn’t 😂

Zanatdy · 28/11/2022 20:15

Mila14 · 28/11/2022 20:00

@Zanatdy …if he didn’t ask for your mobile number he’s not that interested. No worries…plenty of nice guys to choose from… you are on dating mood and that’s a positive thing!

We chat on our work IM system, I’ve known him for a while. He asked me on the date and then asked me to go on a second date the next day. He has 100% custody of his kids. Hence the problem. He seems keen, but I guess he could have asked for my number to message whilst we wait to go on date no 2. Maybe he doesn’t want to come across over keen. Who knows. Will give it a couple of weeks and if no date I’ll move on. This was my first date in 10yrs and I’ve decided that no matter what happens with this guy I’m back in the game!! Haha

5thWisdom · 28/11/2022 20:16

Zanatdy · 28/11/2022 19:50

Hi guys, posted on the other chat last week to say an ex colleague asked me for a drink. It was last Tuesday and I had a great time, very clear he likes me, and the feeling is mutual. Next day he asked me if I wanted to go out again, I said yes I’d like that so he said leave it with me (he has his kids 100%). Messaged him at work Friday to say have a good weekend and he replied saying he was having trouble getting a babysitter. I wasn’t sure if that was an excuse, but then he followed it up saying he couldn’t wait and added ‘sorry that was a bit forward’. Not heard from him since, he doesn’t have my number yet so we only communicate via work IM. I’m beginning to remember why I’m single! I don’t mind waiting if the date is say in 2wks. But I hate not knowing! It’s driving me bonkers. Paranoid too, even though he does seem keen, he also isn’t that keen as hasn’t asked for my number etc. Think I’ll go back to being single!! Or maybe find another guy who doesn’t need a babysitter now my kids are old enough to be home alone! I am enjoying the excitement though, well I was until it’s gone on hold. I’m 45 but feel like a teenager!

Agree with @Mila14 - if they're interested, the want to fix that date in your diary. Although yes having his children 100% will mean his time is limited and you'd need to work with that. Keep your options open. There are plenty of fish out there, as they say.

5thWisdom · 28/11/2022 20:18

@Zanatdy also be careful of chat over work IT systems in case of breach of use etc or anything being used against you if things turn sour for whatever reason - another good reason to take it to personal mobiles.

5thWisdom · 28/11/2022 20:19

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/11/2022 20:15

Thanks for the thread Oncey

on the back of this thread I just checked my exes Facebook to see if he’s got remarried

he hasn’t 😂

Hahaha!

Zanatdy · 28/11/2022 20:21

5thWisdom · 28/11/2022 20:18

@Zanatdy also be careful of chat over work IT systems in case of breach of use etc or anything being used against you if things turn sour for whatever reason - another good reason to take it to personal mobiles.

Yeah it’s all above board (ish) but I might pass on my number, don’t want to come across desperate so I’ve been thinking about it for a few days.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 28/11/2022 20:22

Zanatdy

rightly or wrongly in this situation the best things is keep some other irons floating around

as Sod’s law , you get a new one and he’ll pop up again 🤷‍♀️

its a bit teenagerish admittedly !

Zanatdy · 28/11/2022 20:22

5thWisdom · 28/11/2022 20:16

Agree with @Mila14 - if they're interested, the want to fix that date in your diary. Although yes having his children 100% will mean his time is limited and you'd need to work with that. Keep your options open. There are plenty of fish out there, as they say.

Thanks. Yeah he is genuinely stuck for babysitters but it is frustrating not knowing when or if it will happen. I hate being kept hanging. Might have to consider signing up to OLD in the new year if this doesn’t go anywhere

Trixymumofone · 28/11/2022 21:12

Thanks for the welcome!

I realise I sound daft putting it off till next year but I’m so busy for the rest of this year and I don’t want to be flakey or seem too unobtainable (a bit though yes?)

Afreshstar · 28/11/2022 21:26

@xfan just saw your reply in the previous thread re. why haven't I met up so far. I'm currently working away from the city that I'm based in, and going on holiday this month..normally I'd just have did a train trip over a weekend to meet them all but I had a lot on, but yeah I do agree it's best to meet asap so it doesn't turn into penpals. I've giving it a rest for the next few weeks, and will rejoin properly when I'm more able to follow up on date invites. I guess I was dipping my toe in the pool to see what OLD was about but didn't quite think about how fast things happened.

Afreshstar · 28/11/2022 21:33

Trixymumofone · 28/11/2022 21:12

Thanks for the welcome!

I realise I sound daft putting it off till next year but I’m so busy for the rest of this year and I don’t want to be flakey or seem too unobtainable (a bit though yes?)

That sounds like a good idea, and others will probably have more time in the new year too, and be more eager to find the one etc lol... so it's easier to arrange dates.

Tbh maybe I should have just started in the new year but I'm glad I've had a taste of it anyway.

Mumtolittleorange · 28/11/2022 22:08

I wondered where everyone had gone 😂

There is a complete lack of decent potential irons on Match atm. I don't know where you ladies are finding them but they're not popping up on mine. I am 50 and either messaged by men old enough to be my son, or my Dad!!

Starting to think I am just too fussy. I fear I will be left on the shelf forever!! Still pining after Me Fish. And then today, ex love of my life from about 15 years ago messaged to say he's moved to the UK after getting back together with an ex girlfriend from about 12 years ago. Some girls have all the luck... or maybe not 😉

Eeksteek · 28/11/2022 22:38

Ahhh, exes. I’m quite disturbed about how much mine is in my thoughts, seeing as he’s also deceased. I know he was unusually bad, but really, there’s no reason to dwell on it after all this time. I’m worried about repeating my mistakes, I think. I’m sure a certain amount of reflection IS healthy - I mean past relationships must influence future ones, even if only ‘how not to do it’ - but there should also be a line. I suspect I really ought to have some therapy for that. I’d always meant to. Only everything happened faster than I meant it to. It amused me with Mr2Pugs, because I felt comfortable talking about my ex, then remembered who I was talking to, and shut up. And he did the same! We laughed about it. He was such a comfortable person to be with.

I am almost sure I want to text him and say the door is still open. It seems so
out of character, I think he deserves the benefit of the doubt. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? He ignores it? Meh. He says I’m an awful/ugly/unsexy despicable person? I can get properly angry with him and move on. I feel embarrassed and make a fool of myself over someone I will likely never see again in my life? Well, that’s no disincentive, is it? Just deciding how long to leave it and what to say without writing a bloody essay like I normally do. I’m toying with leaving it a week, or waiting until when he is supposed to finish for Christmas. I’m not going to date anyone else, yet anyway (see aforementioned therapy plan), so I don’t feel like I’ve got much to lose, here. I’m manic at work this week, so no time for moping, and have good stuff organised up to Christmas, too.

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