Dating Thread 236 - Swiping, Blocking and Video Calls

[OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss]

New thread!

5thWisdom

oh that’s annoying
I’d delete his contact actually
he doesn’t deserve archiving for that BS

I Knooooow. Urfff.

Cozy night in child free swiping for me!

Mmmm. You're right.

To add, not once did I ask to meet. He kept asking - we rounded up a friendly exchange messaging last night - and he came back on to ask once again to meet up. @NoDatingForOldMen why do men do this?!

I think crisis-busy. He said he was expecting an awful time as his thing went live, virtually stopped texting me, and I was sending him that-sucks/how’s-it-going type texts once a day. He’d reply every few days saying he was working till midnight again, but hi. I put at the bottom of one of my texts ‘text ‘STOP’ to unsubscribe 😉’. And a few texts later, he did. He had previously sounded utterly drained and I know he’d worked all weekend and not seen his kids (which he’s cast iron over) so I do know it was bad. It’s not like there’s no context. He hasn’t unmatched on tinder.

But the only way to find out for sure is to communicate, right? Only he clearly had no headspace, I’m just not sure how long to leave it before I do. I don’t want to add pressure, but I want him to know I’m open to picking things up when he can. I’ve been there when you can’t deal with even one more tiny thing and while it wasn’t lovely to hear, I can absolutely understand it. It’s really out of character, I think. Not seeing his kids is massive for him. I’m not sure if I’m clutching at straws (he’s pretty hard to let go of) but he’s never been your average tinder date, and I don’t think this is regular ghosting. I just want to leave the door open.

@Mila14 In general, I agree (and you’re in the majority). People who want you in their lives make time for you. Having said that, Mr2Pugs has never been your average bloke, has he? He has a stressy job, is definitely primary parent, and is super-diligent and responsible. It’s not like he was only after one thing, either! He knew his go-live was going to be a shitshow, and warned me in advance he wouldn’t be around much. The fact that he missed his weekend with his kids speaks absolute volumes. And while I was hurt, I’ve also been there. I think his good character earns him the benefit of the doubt, and I don’t often say that!

Eeky…MrEx is in the news without being to outing for massive financial thingy. He works 16:hours a day. He’s got his DC too. When someone is crazy to get in your pants and fancies you madly…they find the time to DTD and they also find the time for at least one message a day or a video call if they have not seen you in a week. I am sorry Eeky. I do not believe a guy goes on tinder to not have any fun and meet a lot of dates. It’s TINDER. Think about it. No harm has been done. You never DTD thank goodness. Cut your loses and run. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, if a guy is mad about you, YOU KNOW. This is not right in my opinion.

@Eeksteek you don't need to remind him that the door is open.

If he wanted to open that door, he would move hell and high water to open it.

Leave him to it and focus on you and your needs.

Eeksteek

id say to back off totally
and keep options open

he knows you are there right ?
so the no contact - it’s on him , not you

He may well be back when things calm down

i tend to find that people communicate less when they are in a bad way
as opposed to busy ?

as they literally havnt got much positive to say

i know you like him , but in simple terms texting him and getting crappy replies will make you feel shit

leaving him be reduces the chance

that said I’ve become a champion at caving and not texting this year
thanks Balkan 😂
I’m so stubborn now

I will not chase someone when they are
low energy
deal with your shit I say , and I’ll live my life

Perfectly articulated. This 100%.

Worsy

I will not chase someone when they are
low energy
**
deal with your shit I say , and I’ll live my life

that sums it up in my book

MrCars has done or said a couple of things which have turned me right off.

Not quite The Ick but a mild version of it.

Will see what happens next if anything.

Ooh can you share?

I had a bit of a 'Is it an ick or isn't it?' Moment today. Talked to my son who said it's so normal.

It's so long since I dated I find it a bit difficult to gauge things

Sorry if I’m remembering incorrectly, but is this the guy who also wasn’t physically affectionate and you wanted to know how to move things forward because he wasn’t indicating he wanted to have a physical relationship at all?

If so, it sounds as though he’s been being polite and after sending you that STOP message I really really cannot think this is a case of you needing to reach out to him “just in case”. As @Mila14 says, it doesn’t matter how busy/stressed/important they are, if they are interested they will be falling over themselves to make sure you know.

It can be very hard to accept when things don’t work out, but in this case I would try to reach for some anger that he was so uncaring as to send that cruel STOP message. Knowing you’d sent your message lightheartedly, to respond to you like that is absolutely horrible. Please see that.

It makes me sound quite terrible I'm sure @Definitelycross but this is a safe space...

A pic he sent of him and his siblings made me think 🤢

Conversation has been a bit one sided (his) but admittedly he's had a major big long challenging week so I'll keep that under review.

He didn't remember I had a big deal career changing 2 hour panel interview today.

He's been out of contact for most of the previous 3 days due to travel and I think it's given me space to reflect & think.

Oncey…what happened? Also…did you have your sexy night in boutique hotel?? Did you DTD…mothership spreading antennae as we speak…🧐

@OnceRuralNowUrbanbliss see the problem is when you get the ick it's so hard to lose 😬

This is a safe space. Don’t worry
what was in the pic???
How did your 2 hour interview panel go? You must be very proud of yourself Oncey…I can not understand he did not ask you how it went if you told him it was important for you

What was it about the photo?!

Hmm. It sounds as if he's been quite self absorbed recently then - did he completely forget to ask how it went?

Oncey…I still think he is besotted with you, He fancied you crazy from the start. Try to talk to him though.
The ick…I don’t know …

It's booked for a couple of weekends time @Mila14

I'm pretty confident it will be appalling but pessimists are rarely disappointed...😬

I'll invite myself go visit him (and his lodgers) at his house this weekend to check lusty loin feelings are present.

Being totally transparent and gawd help me if he's on here as this would be maximum outing 🤞🤞🤞 (let's assume that would be very unlikely)
The long distance travelling was to his mums funeral plus going through her things at her place with siblings. His mum abandoned him as a baby.

There's no way I'm judging anyone during such a strange and exhausting week. It's not cricket.

But the photo - it made me question why he didn't curate 🤷‍♂️suspect beer had been involved.

Mr Boxer replied earlier and said thank for your understanding. Like he thinks I'm completely stupid and believe him?!

He is now messaging me asking if I'm ok and what I ended up doing this evening?

Ignore? Reply? Actually I'll leave it. Meh. Not in the mood.

Just venting.

That sounds grim (the pic).

And he's obviously had an extremely tricky week - a rollercoaster of emotions for him I'd imagine.

Yeah just ignore him @5thWisdom sounds like a dating player. I had one of those once. All manner of high drama reasons why we couldn't meet.

Oncey
But the photo - it made me question why he didn't curate 🤷‍♂️suspect beer had been involved.

i don’t understand “ curate”?? Beer involved?