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Original poster

Am I in the wrong for wanting him to stay at home

244 replies

FoxyBloxy · 26/11/2022 10:15

I have either a stomach bug or food poisoning. I feel dreadful. I have been pretty much living on the toilet all last night and this morning. I have hardly slept for needing the toilet in the night. I am currently curled up in a ball with the most horrendous stomach cramps. I feel sick. I am knackered. He is going playing football today and will be out from 12-7. We have 2 dc and the thought of being in with them all day alone when I feel like this is making me want to cry. I asked him if he would miss it just this once but he kicked off saying no. The football isn’t compulsory, he won’t get a fine or get kicked out of the team or anything like that for not going. I am just so annoyed and fed up☹️

OP posts:
FluffySocks0 · 26/11/2022 15:06

I'm sorry you're feeling unwell 💐 That's so selfish of him! He's prioritising his hobby and his desire to socialise over your wellbeing, I'd feel hurt too op.

Theskyisfallingdown · 26/11/2022 15:06

Who is the deadbeat scumbag, is he just a boyfriend or are you legally shackled to him?
It’s so damaging to kids to have to live with a parent who openly doesn’t want them, are you planning a life for them without the deadbeat in their home?

pbdr · 26/11/2022 15:13

This is horrendous. A few months ago I got norovirus the day before my husband was due to fly to London for an important business trip. Without me having to ask he cancelled his trip and took annual leave so that he could do the bulk of looking after our 10 month old daughter until I was well again. I can't imagine him ever leaving me in that state to do childcare alone for something as non-essential as football. How selfish.

Ponderingwindow · 26/11/2022 15:14

Your husband wouldn’t go to work in the state you are in. He deserves an entry into the gaslighting hall of fame for that one.

it never ceases to amaze me how many utter assholes are walking around on this planet. We can’t even explain it away as an “older generation” anymore.

oakleaffy · 26/11/2022 15:15

@FoxyBloxy Because of children’s ages , you are not being unreasonable.
I remember having Norovirus and DS at Christmas Day had to amuse himself at 7 while I lay on sofa -
But two under twos? He is selfish.
Sounds like Norovirus type bug-
He may well catch it-
when he does, Waltz out the door for 7 hrs- See how he likes it.
Hope you feel better soon.

BigglyBee · 26/11/2022 15:16

Please don't let this slide once you feel better, OP. I did, and really wish I hadn't.

After my first child was born, I had a stubborn postnatal infection, raging PND and a baby with colic. My husband insisted on going out to do his hobby because he deserved to do something he enjoyed. I wasn't able to leave the house (remote area, couldn't drive, no public transport), I had no friends (scared off by him) and no family support. I had no enjoyment of anything.

I eventually managed to stop him fucking off at every opportunity, but nothing really changed. 20 years later I can see that I should have left. Don't be me.

oakleaffy · 26/11/2022 15:18

FoxyBloxy · 26/11/2022 10:59

@54isanopendoor It did make me laugh, thanks😁 I asked him if he was concerned about the kids possibly not having my full attention today, but he clearly isn't! Selfish.

@ZenNudist Yep he’s still going! And no I don’t get equal free time but that’s a different story🙄 He sounds great doesn’t he. I don’t really have many friends, and the only family that would be prepared to help me is my mum and dad but they are away for the weekend

I’d feel like deliberately infecting him and then buggering off for seven hours to see how he’d cope.
What a grade A arsewhole.

Of course I’ m joking about deliberately infecting him, but he may well catch it anyway……..

AcrossthePond55 · 26/11/2022 15:18

Is this really the way you want to live the rest of your life? Remember that you may have 30-40-50 more years of being treated this way. And don't think 'oh when the children are older it will get easier' or 'when our finances improve he will be less selfish' or 'when he's too old to participate he'll calm down'. Things don't change when the children grow up or finances improve or he can't play anymore because he will still be the same person. The disrespect will simply move to another 'issue'.

My DH also has a sport that he is absolutely rabid about. I never minded it at all. It gave me one on one time with our DC and we were perfectly free to come watch or stay home. And he kept Sundays 'for us' unless I said to go ahead, nothing was doing that day anyway. But if I needed him, if the children needed him he stayed home to do whatever was needed to see that we were all right. If he was upset or disappointed to miss his sport, he never gave a single sign..

Your decision of course, but I do think you need to take a long hard look at your relationship in its totality. I know this is one 'isolated' incident, but often an 'incident' is a symptom of a deeper 'disease'.

User839516 · 26/11/2022 15:29

I have 3 children 5yo and under and am just coming out the other side of a horrendous vomiting bug. My husband is working abroad at the moment with no option to come home. I actually had to ask my mum and dad to come and stay with me for a few days because I didn’t feel safe looking after the children by myself. My husband is so apologetic and says he’s going to buy me the biggest present when I get home, whatever I want 😂
There isn’t a universe in which he would have left me and our children in that situation to go and play football. You have a shit husband, a really shit one. I bet you could tell us lots more shit things about him.

HotWashCycle · 26/11/2022 15:35

Show him this thread tomorrow OP. And when you are well again, plan your escape with DC.

PinkSyCo · 26/11/2022 15:42

I would like to say that if it is a bug you have and your ‘partner’ catches it that you should bugger off for the day and leave the kids with him, but that wouldn’t be fair on your DCs and as a mother I’m quite sure you wouldn’t do that, which is where men like that selfish twat that you’ve lumbered yourself with, have women over a barrel. Angry

Enko · 26/11/2022 15:51

Hope you are feeling better op and yes get rid of that selfish manchild.

Whiskyvodka · 26/11/2022 15:54

With any luck he'll have the bug and shit in his shorts while he's running after the ball.
Fingers crossed.

stuntbubbles · 26/11/2022 15:56

FoxyBloxy · 26/11/2022 13:59

You’re all so kind🥺 5 year old has just told me he will take care of me bless him❤️ I feel so guilty

The guilt isn’t yours to bear! Do you think your dickhead partner feels guilty? I’m sorry he’s left you like this. This isn’t a small thing: this would be marriage-ending for me.

The trouble is, someone this selfish isn’t going to step up once you’ve split. But at least without him you know you’re on your own, which I think isn’t as bad as being on your own with a useless partner.

PinkSyCo · 26/11/2022 15:59

Whiskyvodka · 26/11/2022 15:54

With any luck he'll have the bug and shit in his shorts while he's running after the ball.
Fingers crossed.

😂

Seadragonusgiganticusmaximus · 26/11/2022 15:59

FoxyBloxy · 26/11/2022 13:59

You’re all so kind🥺 5 year old has just told me he will take care of me bless him❤️ I feel so guilty

Clearly he is already a better man than his dad.

Deathraystare · 26/11/2022 15:59

He raised his voice, told me that I shouldn’t expect him to stay at home, and said that when he is ill he has to get on with it and go to work, and is now sulking

Hold him to that. If he has man flu and tries to stay home....

Fleurdaisy · 26/11/2022 16:00

A selfish manchild. Playing with his friends a priority over you and his dc.

Hope you feel better soon though I’d be planning on how to pass it on to him…….

Soothsayer1 · 26/11/2022 16:06

He raised his voice, told me that I shouldn’t expect him to stay at home
he shouted at you, told you off when you were ill
nothing must get between him and his jollies

Hayliebells · 26/11/2022 16:07

This shows an astonishing lack of care for you. What is even the point of him? If you can't rely on him to take care of you and your two young children when you're this ill, he's not a partner. Honestly, I don't think I could forgive this kind of callousness.

BuffaloCauliflower · 26/11/2022 16:10

He’s an absolute arsehole. He’s not being a partner at all and thinks his wants come before his family’s needs. He’s really showing you who he is here and it’s not a very nice person. Hope you feel better soon x

happytimesahead22 · 26/11/2022 16:13

Has he been to the same school of thought as my DH?
He had a massive strop today because I dared to have PGP and struggle to walk, just carrying his child here, no big deal - whilst we also have a 2 year old to care for. The suggestion to stay at home when he’s supposed to be going out for drinks with his friends caused the mother of all strops.
They can all F off!
Hope you feel better soon

Chimna · 26/11/2022 16:19

No you're not being unreasonable and yes he is a shit parent and partner. He'll have to knock the football on the head when you see sense and he has the kids to look after every other weekend.

Soothsayer1 · 26/11/2022 16:23

Seems to me that we women (understandably) think that men want to have families with us because they want to have a family life, for some that may be the driving force, with the others I think it's
1-children are a way to keep the woman stressed & tired so it's harder for her to have any say in the relationship
2-it raises their status in the eyes of other men when they see he has the ability to dominate and subdue a woman.
he wants to feel as if he's the king of his personal castle, you and the children are just the lowly peasants who get the crumbs from his table

MrsRinaDecker · 26/11/2022 16:26

Honestly OP, I would consider ending it for this! As a lone parent you can build a support network (as let's be honest, you won’t be able to rely on him..) I would also want to help a friend who was in the same boat as you were this morning.

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